Hello everyone I know this is kinda long but I need the help.
well to start off my husband introduced me to this. at first I wasnt too receptive but some of things he mentioned makes sense so I have an issue that I need help figuring out. My husband's brother was in town for the 4th and my husband told me they were going out for a couple of drinks which was fine,they left at 9pm. I didnt see or hear from my husband again til 4am the next morning. Of course, I called and he didnt answer which made me even more heated. So he crawls in bed like nothing happened wanting to have sex. So the next day comes and I try to talk to him and resolve this. He refuses and says I am making a big deal out of nothing. That I am just nagging him. Then he goes out agian the next night til 2..which I wasnt too pissed about him going out..it was that we hadnt resolved our first problem and he goes and adds fuel to the fire. So since he refused to talk and told me to "get over it, I had the best time of my life" I told him that a line had been crossed and there was no turning back...I also told him that since he always wanted to hang out with the guys and not with me when I ask him that he can do his thing and I do mine when it comes to going out. I got so frustrated with his "I dont care remarks" I told him that I had checked out of the relationship. There is so much more that I want to say but in short because we have had many issues before and i told him that he was was stupid then I corrected myself and said no your actions are stupid, he says our marriage is broken, wants a divorce and will not let me drive the only car we have that is in his name because he says he does not trust me. Then he started bringing up all the mistakes that happened in our past that I thought were resolved.Then I told him he acts as if he is single and he says "well then maybe I should be"..Is our relationship really broken or should I keep fighting on eventhough he feels it is? Was i even right for being upset in the begining? Did I take it too far? How do i resolve this? If you have any questions or need more info please let me know. We have 3 kids and our 7th anniversary is on July 8th but we have been together for 10 years..I dont want to throw this all away...or should I?

If your gut tells you to work on it, then do it! Go to MC, find out what is behind all the hostility and acting out. Obviously there is more to just a simple weekend of drinking and carrying on. I'm not even remotely opposed to someone going out with buddies, I just don't see the need for spousal seperation. My H and I have our share of issues, but we never do extracurricular activities without each other (unless you count the countless phone conversations after I was asleep, with OW)....sorry, this isn't about me! Anyway, when he's sober and you have both calmed down, try to speak to each other about what you DO like about each other and go from there. Somewhere along the line you were both appealing to each other. Find out the foundation and work forward from there. Seven year itch maybe? Ok, so reach in and scratch it for him before someone else offers to.

If I had to guess, he admires his brother and wants his brother to admire him, old family trait. They go out, start having a bit*h fest about being married, and brother practically dares him to stand up for himself and quit being whipped. This may just be him trying to please his brother.

otoh, also kind of sounds like an affair.

Let things calm down before you come to a critical decision.
Wait until his brother go away and explain him that you really need to talk about it. In a 1 month perspective maybe things will look and feel different.

It seems like there are deep rooted problems and both of you are unhappy - with emotional needs not beeing met and love busters being committed. Is it "broken" - well it's not doing well. But all that means is that you need to work using Dr. Harvey's principals to fix it. It certainly has hope - many relationships in far worse trouble have been turned around. It doesn't seem to me like he has been cheating (yet). Do something before that happens! It is so much harder to recover after that (I know- my husband cheated on me and we are trying to reconsile now with the help of Steve via phone counciling).


Of course. If you two had followed the policy of joint agreement it may have been OK for him to go the first night (albeit not that late), and he would have needed to resolve the issue with you before going out again. He obviously didn't have your enthuastic agreement about his venture the second night!


Well, you didn't follow the guidelines for successful negotiation. Not surprising, that doesn't come easily! And it certainly doesn't come naturally. You really have to work at it. (at least I do!)


I think the problem is far enough along that you could definately benefit from counseling. At least just a few sessions to get you on the right path. Do you have the money for a few sessions? Will he agree to it? Dr. Harley gives a discount when you purchase 5 sessions at a time. Five could be enough. If you can't meet with a counselor, not, read, read, read up everything you can and try to implement the changes.


You're right about your instinct to not throw it all away. You have alot of time invested in this relationship and it is definately in your children's best interest to try and save it. I personally think divorce should be a last resort! Hope things work out for you!