Hi, I have been married to my husband for 20+ years. One month ago he informed me that he has no feelings for me. I aske "why", he said he didn't know. I asked if their was someone else he said "no". Two days later he did come and say, "their is someone that likes me". There is a family gathering coming up this weekend I found out that he purchased her a plane ticket to go with him. I don't understand how his parents would allow him to bring another woman to this event as they are Christians. I love him with all my heart but I am lost as to what to do. I have often wanted to contact this other woman and tell her to stay away from my husband. He has also been neglecting our 14 year old son, which breaks my heart. Any suggestions?

tvh, the first step is to expose the affair. Call his family and let them know your H is having an adulterous affair with this woman. Who is the woman? Is she married? Have you spoken to her?

He has already told his parents, as he told them that he was bringing her to the family reunion. We live in British Columbia Canada and she is from New Mexico. She is divorced, and sounds like she has been for quite some time. In a text message that she sent my H, she had mentioned something about another relationship she had before with a married man. I have not spoken to her, I have been wanting to tell her to leave my H alone but just can't get the courage to do it. I also get the feeling that he is trying to push our kids into liking her and making them feel like what he is doing is fine. Our kids are 14, 18, and 20. When he said that he wanted to leave me our 18 year old moved out and moved to Alberta.

It is important that you pick up the phone and call his parents and give them the true facts about the affair, in addition to calling his other family members who will be there.


I would suggest calling her and letting her know that your H is married and is having an adutlerous affair. Inform her that you have also informed his entire family that she is his HO. Let her know that there is no future with your H and that she will be eternally hated by your children and his family.

You need to gather up your courage and make this call.

Additionally, I would look up her name on www.peoplefinder.com and see if there is a man listed here. She may not be divorced at all - this is a typical lie that cheaters tell. You need to call her H [XH] and tell him about the affair.

Do your children know about the affair? If not, they should be informed.

I have not spoken to her, I have been wanting to tell her to leave my H alone but just can't get the courage to do it.[/quote]

Courage is someting that follows ACTION, not some magic feeling that attacks you against your will. You must make a DECISION to be courageous and stand up for your marriage.


your children will never like any sleazy ho who breaks up their family. That would be silly. Don't allow your H to teach your children how to be little liars and cheaters like him. Don't allow him to drag them into his affair to give it a false air of respectability.

Get to work, friend, you have a marriage to save!

I have talked to his parents already, they will not say anything to him about it. If they are really Christians, wouldn't they have said something to him about what he is doing is wrong? On the 2nd I had asked him why his pay was so small, he made up excuses, so today I emailed the accountant and asked for a copy of his stub. He had gotten a $2350 advance. So he lied to me about that. He has also been a big fan of alcohol, and lies about that also. He just sent me an email saying that I do not have to concern myself now, so I am assuming he means the money issue.

MelodyLane, I checked on www.peoplefinder.com but it wasn't to helpful as nothing matches up with the information that I have regarding this woman. By contacting the other woman won't it make the situation worse?

If you can contact the OW, then you can expose the affair.

It is possible your H has told the OW that he is single, or maybe he has lied to her about his job, or told her he is rich, etc. He could have told her many lies to get her interested in him, and when she finds out about his lies she will dump him.

Your husband will be angry that you called the OW. So what? Aren't YOU ANGRY that he is having an affair???????

Your marriage can survive his being angry. It can't survive if he has a girlfriend!

Find out as much information on the OW as possible, and if she is still married, call her husband. Call her.

Tell your children what is going on.

Do not be afraid, because he is counting on that so he can maintain his affair and take advantage of your fear.

SB

Were his parents actually TOLD this was an adulterous affair? Some parents really do not give a damn about their kids and will say nothing. Are they the non caring kind?


is he an alcoholic?

Worse? Worse in what way exactly?

I would keep looking for info on the OW. Try looking on www.zabasearch.com or even hiring a PI to find out her background.

Do you have her home phone # or address???

She knows that he is married and has 3 children. In a text message that he had sent her a couple of weeks ago he said that he seemed to be missing $17,000. He has never had that much in the bank.

His parents won't say anything to him about it. They have told me that what he is doing isn't right so I don't know why they won't express the same feelings to him. His sister has been in and out of relationships, she has 3 kids, all have different dads, at one point not long ago she was with 3 men at the same time. My H mother had talked to me about it and she hates what the daughter is doing, they would never confront her either.
As for the alcohol I blieve he is, but of course he doesn't think so. Two weekends ago we were talking on the phone, I had only called him because he was going out and not spending time with our 14 year old. I had mentioned that I thought he had a problem, he told me that he doesn't have a problem, I DO.

He may get very angry and do something to hurt me physically, he has done this before which happened when he had too much to drink. Yeah I have her phone # and her address, it didn't match what came up on peoplefinder.
What exactly do you say to the OW?
He is still living here in the same house as me also.

He is an alcoholic and he has beat you up in the past?

tvh, go to www.anywho.com, go to REVERSE LOOKUP and plug the # in and see what name comes up. You can also call her house using *67 to disguise your # and see if a mans name comes up.

That being said, I think you have much bigger problems here if you are married to an abusive alcoholic. That is a much bigger problem than his affair.

I think he has alcohol issues, but he makes everyone believe that he doesn't. He has physically hurt me twice in the 21 years that we have been together. The one incident was last year while we were camping, I had told him that I thought he had enough to drink and he didn't like that.

He's an alcoholic who hits you and neglects your 14 year old son.

I would contact an attorney to secure your family finances and then let the OW have him.

Stick with us until you are feeling healthier.

tvh, is he an alcoholic? I am trying to get some clarity on this.

What did you do? did you kick his [censored]? Or did you have him thrown in jail?

In my heart I believe he is, that is why I have asked him to seek help. Alcoholism runs on his mother's side of the family.

I am not a drinker myself. Anytime we have gone to friends or to just go out somewhere he has always had to drink. So you can see why it bothers me so much.

All I have ever wanted was to help him because I don't want to see ruin his life and health because of it.

tvh, but what about in your RATIONAL MIND? Is he, IN FACT, an alcoholic? Is he addicted to alcohol? When he starts drinking, does he not stop until he is drunk? Does his personality change when he drinks? Does he drink alone? Does he lie about how much he drinks?