If I know that OW and WH are still seeing and speaking to one another should I expose again? OW is 19 and her parents have let her and everyone else know that if she continues to have any contact with my WH that they will kick her out of her home and stop paying for her school. It doesn't matter to them if we divorce or are separated or what...they don't want her to have anything to do with them.
I do have messages from OW where she states that she and WH are still speaking and have plans, etc, etc. My best friend says that if I expose to her parents again I'm setting myself up to look like the crazy wife that WH makes me out to be. I wanted to get others opinions. I had thought of sending them a letter.

Well, I think a personal visit or a phone call would be preferable to a letter. That way you could answer questions and ask them to please persuade their DD to leave your H alone.

But, you most certainly SHOULD expose to them again since you have intel that the affair has continued.

expose again

If I were the OW's mother, I would not think YOU were the crazy one, but my own DD for acting like a trashy ho with a married man. I don't see what is "crazy" about being a victim of adultery. Even so, you have no control over her parent's reactions and there is no reason to concern yourself with something over which you have no control.

Ok, this makes me feel better. I know that I would want to know if my daughter was still doing something like that, especially if I was completely against it. Then, I worry that they will throw OW out and then she will be with WH even more. But, I suppose that's something that I shouldn't worry about, right?

That is something that is likely to make the affair crumble FASTER. It will ruin her life and cause enormous lovebusting in fantasyland.

If it helps...my WW was trying to make me out to look like the "crazy one" during her entire affair. I exposed on d-day 1...and on d-day 2 (whole truth day). The people who listened to her "crazy husband" stuff will never be a part of my life again...period. They aren't worth the time and effort.

Waywards almost ALWAYS try to spin their betrayed spouses into some kind of lunatic. It is the RULE, rather than the exception. My spouse is CRAZY, therefore, I am entitled to screw around. OR...my spouse is imagining an affair.

Most people are too savvy to buy it but some do.

Absolutely "out" the little twerp again!

Definatly expose to her parents.

And if they throw her out, its merely the consequences of her actions she is feeling, nothing to do with what you have said.

Do point out to her parents that you are not doing it for revenge, that it is because you do desire reconcilliation because of your ongoing love and commitment to your WH.

Don't worry about being thought the crazy one, the people who matter know you are'nt.
If you dont want to do it F2F, I can send you a copy of what I sent 'my' OW's parent and you can change it for your own circumstances.

That would be wonderful, Lil. I've already spoken with her mother on the phone several times when this first happened and I admit, I just don't want to do it now. She sounds so reasonable and so much like my mom...her DD (ugh okay D) should listen to her.

I'm also afraid (even to admit this to myself almost) that doing this will be a MAJOR LB with WH and he will never want anything to do with me again. *sigh*

Mw WW was pissed about me exposing her too, but you know what......screw her and your WH. They didn't get exposed because you "told on them", they got exposed because they are (were) cheaters....it's their burden to bare, not mine or yours. You can't recover without the affair ebding, and exposing is the best method at which to accomplish the ending...has to be done, or the affair is almost gauranteed to continue.

Dear Mr and Mrs OW parents

My name is lil, I am WH's wife.

I am writing as part of a recovery plan that I am in regarding this situation. I am not writing to stir or for revenge. My other reason for writing is to help you gain a better understanding of the facts of this situation.

WH and OW appear to have started a relationship of sorts around New Year while both were employed at the xxxxx xxxxxx. This turned into a physical relationship around the middle of February. I was aware something was not right but had put it down to WH recently finding out about his father’s health, and the stress of waiting to see if the xxxxxx xxxxx would be keeping him on as a permanent member of staff. As all marriages have up and down times, I believed it would pass.
I discovered the affair after 3 weeks of suspicion on March 9th. It came as an immense shock to me as WH was still living with myself and our children and had not indicated that he was unhappy in the marriage, just life in general. The children and I still love WH and wish him to become part of our family again. WH has indicated that if it were not for OW he would be prepared to return home and work on our issues. He did not move out from home until I discovered the relationship.

While WH has been living in XXX and caring for Fred, we have been in almost daily contact. He spent a long weekend here shortly after moving there, and I have had 2 one-week stays with him. We have discussed many things. I now believe we have no insurmountable problems, they can be fixed. During this time we have frequently been intimate. I need to tell you of my continuing love and desire for reconciliation with WH. When you get this letter WH, the girls and I will be on a family holiday in Rarotonga

I understand that OW has bi-polar, something that can make a person emotionally and mentally fragile. I do not believe that OW and WH’s relationship is in OW’s best interests. I realise that she is a consenting adult, but I think that you would wish to see your daughter happy and settled. Unfortunately, I now find WH being sometimes untruthful to me, so it is probably both to OW and me. If he is not being entirely honest in what he tells me, I wonder what WH has told OW, or if she is now set up to be badly hurt.

My parents too, wish to see me happy. I wish to see my children happy. We have a 16-year-old daughter and an 11-year-old daughter who is mildly disabled. It breaks my heart to see them feel they need to comfort me. I also grieve to see them losing faith in their father’s love. On top of all this is the recent loss of Fred, a man I consider my father in law and the girls consider to be their grandfather.

I am hoping that you will discuss this letter and the points and issues I have brought up with OW so she has a better understanding of what she is involved with.

I am happy to give you my contact information if there is anything you wish to discuss with me. Otherwise, I am very sorry that this letter is necessary.

LILDOOGIE
xx xxxxx Road
xxxxxx
xxxxxx

PS. Keeping with openness and honesty, I will be emailing a copy of this letter to WH for his perusal after the holiday.
LD

Just yesterday a friend mentioned his crazy ex and I told him that I bet she tells her friends that he is crazy. So many people try to make it seem like their ex is crazy that way they don't have to look at themselves and take responsility for why the marriage failed. I think most mature people know this and do not buy it for one minute when someone says their ex is crazy.

I agree you should expose again. Have as much concrete information as possible. Play dated voice messages for them and I'll bet they don't know she has a myspace, just show them her myspace and the wacky stuff she writes on there. I think that will be enough for her parents to realize that she is being the crazy woman and not you. Also stay calm when you talk to them, tears are okay, but nothing dramatic that will make you appear crazy in any way.

Let me assure you that hiding their secret is NOT filling his lovebank. His affair is draining his lovebank for you, on the other hand. Exposing her again is NOT a "lovebuster." A love buster is:

Selfish Demands
Disrespectful Judgments
Angry Outbursts
Annoying Habits
Independent Behavior
Dishonesty

Exposing your H's affair ain't on that list!

and what was his response the last time you exposed?? A few days of moodyness, then back to trying to make contact??
And this time, you dont have to deal with the mooddyness, your in plan B and dont have to hear, see or know anything.

Remember, the goal here is to save your marriage, not to AVOID CONFLICT at all cost. Avoiding conflict will avail you nothing.

You're right. It's weird, in some situations I am a total take control person, while in other's I'm a conflict avoider. I'm going to finish this letter and mail it to her parents. I really don't want to speak with them again. Her mother always sounded so p*ssed to hear from me. *sigh*

Edit: Should I go into the basics like Lil did in her letter or just go right into the fact that they are still seeing one another?

if they already know them , then probably not. Just the facts they dont know.

maybe you could use the email i sent out on saturday, its a second exposure notice.
or mix them up and takes whatever out of both.

Are there other exposure letters on MB that Esprit could use? i cant be the only one who write this stuff

Okay, I used quite a bit from your letter...LOL I hate writing these things. Let me know if there is anything that I should add or that I should delete.

Dear Mr. and Mrs. OW,

My name is XXX and I am WH's wife. We have spoken on the phone before about the current situation.

I am writing as part of a recovery plan that I am in regarding this situation. I am not writing to stir up a lot of drama or for revenge. Another reason for writing is to help you gain a better understanding of the facts and to let you know that this is an ongoing situation. My final reason is that I want the best for all involved, my children, my husband, OW, and myself.

I understand that OW was in an emotionally abusive relationship with her ex boyfriend, something that can make a person very, very fragile. I do not believe that OW and WH’s relationship is in OW’s best interests. I realize that she is a consenting adult, but I think that you would wish to see your daughter happy and settled. Unfortunately, I now find WH being sometimes untruthful to me along with other family members, so it is probably both to OW and myself. If he is not being entirely honest in what he tells me, I wonder what he has told your daughter, or if she is now set up to be badly hurt. WH has not been to see a lawyer or even spoken with one about a divorce or legal separation, though he has not lived at home since April 19, 08 and has had the money to do so.

I know that we have spoken of this before and I also know your feelings on this matter. Knowing this, I thought it prudent to let you know that WH and OW are still in contact. They have met, spoken on the phone, and my oldest daughter, who knows all about the relationship with Wh and OW, has seen her number on his phone when calls have come in. I’m not sure if OW is aware of exactly what she is getting herself into with a situation such as this or the consequences this could have upon her life. I’m not sure if either of them have thought of the people that are suffering from this. WH is currently staying on the couch at friend’s houses, as his parents no longer wish to condone his bad decisions. I know that OW and WH are still in contact because both he and she have told me that they are. I have written to OW on her myspace page asking her to please stop contacting WH. I thought perhaps she would be more sensible that he has been. She admitted that he had tried to break it off with her, but she had talked him out of it. She also said that would stop speaking with him because she felt bad about the whole situation, but I have been told that before, so I am unsure what to believe.

I am happy to give you my contact information if there is anything you wish to discuss with me. Otherwise, I am very sorry that this letter is necessary.

Okay, what do you think? Oh and please no 2x4's about contacting the OW...LOL I've already had them in email!!!