My wife has been texting and calling her personal tranner for several months. Sometines texting 20-50 times a day and talking on the phone 10-15 times a month, but for 15-40 min at a time. I have confronted her about this and she said they are just friends. I am having a hard time with that answer. We are haveing a hard time with our marriage and she is building walls fast. We have 3 kids who we both love very much. If I confront her again I think she will get very upset because I told her I would not bring it up again, but it bothers me to no end. I think she has formed an emotional attachment. I want to talk to him. Should I Pleas help

I am no expert but do know how you feel. Its best to seek out marriage consuling and express yourself that way first. She is probally telling you the truth or maybe she is not. But if you feel that something is wrong you must talk about it or it will make you ill. I wish you all the luck in the world with your struggle. As for speaking with him i do not know if thats a bad/good idea. what you should ask her is whats the need to speak to a personal trainer so much? or does she even know that you are checking the bill? if nothing is going on and you accuser her it will make tings a hole lot worse. Seek consuling its the best thing you can do IMO

whynow

Whattodo5,
Here is a simple litmus test for this.

Does she talk to him with you in the room?

Does she delete her text message history so you can't see what they were texting about?

If the answer to the first is no and the second is yes, you can be fairly certain that she is involved in an emotional affair at the least. I would recommend reading the information on this site regarding Emotional Needs. See if you can get her to take the questionnaire. If not, use your history together to make an educate guess regarding what her top ENs are. Now work to meet all those needs as much as she will let you.

Also, what sort of problems are you having in your marriage? Has she repeatedly asked for one or two specific things? If yes, work hard to fulfill that request, if possible.

Why not offer to start going to the gym with her?

I agree with andrew

Ask her those questions and see what she says.

Get to know this site. I have found it very useful and when I do some of the things from here with DH it feels great.

Get involved with her. Go to the gym and do things with her that you both might enjoy

But also since there is odd feelings maybe seek a MC.

wanting to go to the gym with her may make her feel as you do not trust her. this would be a bad thing and everyone needs space and alone time you could do more damage then good IMO but read and ask questions is a good start.

whynow

Welcome to Marriage Builders. It probably would not do any good to ask your wife about this relationship again. If she is involved in an emotional affair (and it certainly sounds like she is) she will not tell you the truth anyway.

Do you think their contact is limited to texting and phone calls? Does your wife use e-mail? Do they see each other at the gym? You have a choice here in my opinion: You can snoop to gather more information, or you can go ahead and go to the gym and ask him what the texting and phone calls are all about. If you confront him now, you run the risk of the two of them taking their relationship further underground.

Yet, you could confront him and this could possibly lead to him getting cold feet on this relationship with your wife. There are many guys on this site who wish they had confronted the OM earlier in the discovery process in order to prevent the affair from going further or from going physical. In any event, it is fair for you to assume that the amount of texting and phoning is not appropriate. You don't have to ask either one of them if their relationship is or is not appropriate. Since you are upset by the relationship, the relationship is not appropriate.

Read up on the spying 101 thread to find out more about how to spy and get more information about your situation.

Is this trainer married? What do you know about him?