My wife has been texting and calling her personal tranner for several months. Sometines texting 20-50 times a day and talking on the phone 10-15 times a month, but for 15-40 min at a time. I have confronted her about this and she said they are just friends. I am having a hard time with that answer. We are haveing a hard time with our marriage and she is building walls fast. We have 3 kids who we both love very much. If I confront her again I think she will get very upset because I told her I would not bring it up again, but it bothers me to no end. I think she has formed an emotional attachment. I want to talk to him. Should I Pleas help

Why do you need him to confirm what you already know? No personal trainer needs 20-50 business contacts in the day, not even if you're training for the Olympics. It is time for you to decide what you consider a deal breaker and what you are willing to live with. If you don't mind your wife continuing an A with OM for life, then say nothing. If you want any chance to save your marriage, then speak up now...you have every right to establish ground rules that exclude this OM. Be prepared for her to accept or reject your ground rules. The thing is, when you took your vows, the rules were already established, she just needs reminded that they still stand and what you are prepared to do if they are broken. Read about Plan A and Plan B...she needs NC with OM. Until she writes NC letter, you don't have much going for your marriage.

Another thread on confronting the OM?

What is it about this drama that so attracts people? Is it the guy thing of wanting to beat up someone that invaded your territory?

Deal with your WS leave the OP alone, you will be wasting your time. The OP does not care about you, so why waste your time on them.

Other's mileage HAS varied ... direct confrontation is a VERY good thing in most BH/WW/OM situations. BH's who lack the testicular fortitude to stand up for themselves will likely face a long stint in LIMBO, while being a doormat for their WW's cake eating.

When it comes to something this PERSONAL, it's really hard to have much respect for a BH that won't stand up for himself and his marriage.

So a pissing contest? To show you are a really man?

Sorry I see no point in it. This whole confrontation thing just reminds me of high school type of thinking.

Heck the original poster is afraid to confront is WW again because she might get mad. Sorry the issue is with the wife not the OM.

Why not just call the OM and get some insight on why he needs to discuss workout schedules with your wife for so long. Ask him if you join the gym, will you get the same treatment?

Look, we all (I can only speak for men) fantasize about kicking the crap out of OM, but no matter how much you want to do it, it's not going to change the fact that your W is probably (most likely) having an affair with him. She's the cheater, not him.

My advice is to find a different route for your info...if all else fails then contact OM...I eventually had to.

Confronting will not do anything unless your big enough to beat the snot out of him. If not he will not be afraid of you.

If you could you do not want to go to jail.

Best thing to do is expose to OM wife, Gym owner, WW parents and siblings.

I agree with Road about exposing to the Gym Owner. The last thing they need is the Gym getting a bad reputation around town. Especially is the relationship was started in the Gym. In most Gym's, that type of behavior is NOT tolerated. So, I doubt they'll turn a blind eye to it. Plus, if you're paying for these Personal Trainer fee's, that needs to stop. There no way you should pay for her affair. If you really look at it that way, the guys' nothing more than a gigalo. GROSS!

I don't see anything wrong with going to the trainer and tell him that you are trying to restore your marriage.

Ask him if he wants your wife. Bring reality home.

Your wife appears to have already checked out of this marriage. She has already chosen to forsake your company in favour of this trainer. Show her what the cost of divorce will be. Tell her that you do not want a divorce but at this stage you do not see evidence of a committed marriage.

Would you be prepared to leave the area for the sake of rescuing your marriage. Find out if your wife would be prepared to follow.

Show your woman leadership. Be bold. Make it hot for her but be calm at all times. Self control is attractive to a woman.

I hate these mind games that your wife is playing. Make it real for her too.

Good luck!

Imagine,

VERY WELL SAID ... a lot of people get the mistaken impression that confrontation can ONLY take the form of a good old fashioned "a$$ whoopin".

Most OM are cowards who are only looking for the cheap thrill of fishing in someone else's pond with NO STRINGS ATTACHED. Confrontation when done properly will cause the OM to backpedal to save his own sorry a$$, WITHOUT having to resort to violence. Learn all you can about the OM and then confront him with your knowledge and what you intend to do with that knowledge and how that will affect his life. He will immediately figure out that there ARE strings attached and WW won't look nearly as attractive.

This will also have the double edged benefit of making you look good for standing up for your M, while at the same time make the OM look terrible for throwing the WW under the bus to save himself. NOTHING will cut through the fog quicker than having your WW watch as the OM throws her away to save himself from YOUR actions.

... and FWIW, this message was brought to you by the "Voice of Experience".