I am a 33 year old woman with a 5 year old daughter and a 2 1/2 year old son. I have been married for 8 years, but have been together with my husband since I was 18. He was my first boyfriend and I was his first girlfriend as well. We dated for 5 1/2 years before getting married. I thought I knew everything about his family and him and decided he was the best thing for me.

We have been extremely happy for the past 15 years, albeit with our ups and downs that any married couple comes across during the years. However, last year (5/07 to be exact) I found out he had a personal email account that he hid from me and I confronted him about it. He said he was sorry and that he only used it because he had a problem. His problem was that he was going to massage parlors. He denied having sex with any of these women and said he only got a BJ and that he only went there about 10 times over almost a 2 year span.

Well I knew in my gut that there was more to the story but he kept assuring me that there was nothing more to it. We started going to therapy and soon stopped going, after we felt we could move on with our marriage.

I still had this gut feeling that there was more to the story and kept researching his email accounts, going through our bank statements, cell phone records, etc. He started getting real defensive and saying that I was stressing myself over nothing and that we could not work on rebuilding our marriage if I couldn't trust him. Finally after he realized I had ordered old cell phone records and had visited with an IT forensic specialist, he came clean. He had been visiting escorts since 2001 and his last visit was in May 2007, when I found his secret account. He used this account to set up visits with these escorts.

He even reviewed his services on this particular websites and I have read them in detail. Let me tell you, that is the hardest thing a woman can go through. Not just to make up your own ideas in your head but to have a play by play that was written by your husband on what he did with numerous women. They were date and time stamped so that I could go back and trace on my calender what I did that day. He visited them throughout both of my pregnancies and his dad's illness (cancer). How could he do this to me? I've done a general accounting of his spending and it amounts to around $55K based on his reviews on this particular site. For all I know, it could be more. Of course he denies this. He is going to SA meetings and is also seeing a therapist that specializes in Addiction. He wants to try and work things out and swears he loves me and didn't do it b/c I couldn't satisfy him sexually or am not attractive enough. He says it's because of his low self esteem growing up and never having a girlfriend and losing his virginity to an escort when he was 18.

I am sooo confused b/c my first thought is to run for the door as fast as I can. But the other part of me still loves him and do not want to tear up our childrens lives. I go between feeling sorry for him and hate seeing him moping around the house all sad, but at the same time I get disgusted and angry with him everytime I see a woman that he eyes, or hear any mention of an escort on tv, movies, etc.

Can I really stick by him after this betrayal of trust and has anyone on here gone through this? Any advice will be greatly appreciated as I am totally confused and about to lose it.

Thanks for listening.

BTW- I have a stable career and could financially be on my own- although it might take some lifestyle changes a bit. I am attractive and keep myself in shape, so I don't suffer from low self esteem too much. It's just heartbreaking to think I have to start all over again with someone new and also having 2 kids is difficult for any new relationship. Am I staying with him for the wrong reasons? I could stay with him and keep track of all the phone records, bank statements, credit card statements, etc. but I honestly don't think I have the time and energy to do this everyday, and it wouldn't be healthy or sane for me. He also has a high profile job that makes traveling a must, so I will always wonder what he's doing while he is away. He does seem truly remorseful and is definitely putting in his best trying to assure me that he will not do this again. We are living with his mom at the time b/c we are in the process of building our dream home which will be ready in September. His mother knows and a few of my co-workers know and I just don't know what to do. His mom offers me full support and does not even know where to begin to comprehend this as this is almost unheard of in their culture. Although it happens, it's just not as openly discussed.

If both of you are willing to work on this, you can work together to save this marriage. It won't be easy - for either of you.

There is a lot more action on the General Questions II board in the Infidelity section. I recommend you post there. There are a number of people there who have lived through infidelity and recovered their marriages.

I'm sorry you have the need to be on this site. But, if you both are willing to work, your marriage can be saved and Marriage Builders can help you.

I think that if you both could get some counseling that it might help. I do think that you do have grounds for a divorce without question.

That being said - being divorced once before, with no job and 3 kids. I didn't feel like I could start over and was scared that no one would want someone with the baggage I had. I made it. I did 2 and half years on my own before I found my current husband.