So here's the story - and of course it's a long one.

Married 13 years next Tuesday, two children 9 and 4. Three weeks ago, my wife told me that she was "done" after we just relocated to VA. She said she'd had enough of being around me, didn't like my criticism and wasn't happy. She said she'd rather be broke and living out of a room someplace than in her current situation.

Now some background - 8 years ago my wife went to a Happy Hour and didn't come home until 5:30am. She stayed the night in a hotel room with a guy from work and to this day, she says all they did was kiss. Unfortunately, I tend to believe her because she is adamant to this day about nothing happening, when typically she would buckle and spill the truth.

One year before that incident, I found out she went out dancing with a friend and ended up kissing a guy on the dance floor and going back to his apartment with her friend. They messed around until she realized it was going too far and she stopped and demanded to be brought home. I didn't find out about this until 6 months after the "hotel" incident.

During our marriage, my wife has been a habitual liar. She will lie about small things and big things. Her reasoning is that she can't talk to me and I won't listen and therefore it's easier to take her chances with dishonesty. I know this is a crock - there's not an excuse.

My wife has hit me in the arm, and pinched me so hard I bruised. I know, domestic violence. I didn't call the police and I should have.

My wife is 3.5 years younger than I am and she intimidates the hell out of me. She does not talk civily, she yells and calls names. She says it's the only way she can get me to listen (which is far from the truth as I try and get her to talk instead of yell).

She says she can't live like she is anymore because she is always questioned about where she is, who she's with, etc. I've explained to her that I have very little trust in her and when I try to heal and forgive, something else happens.

When we moved to VA I came 6 weeks before my family. While I was gone, she text-messaged an associate of ours for 3 hours until 3 in the morning. When I found the cell records, she denied anything saying they were chatting about the relocation. When I bluffed her and told her I could get text transcripts, she then told me they were talking about swapping with our spouses. She also said that she took a topless photo of herself and sent it to him - it was her decision.

My wife has changed so much since we were first married. We were both young and had the best intentions. I am successful in my career field and she has been a stay at home mom for the better part of eight years - I think that has eaten at her.

Fast forward to present. She has not worn her wedding ring for three weeks and it really hurts. I have not slept next to her for three weeks and we've only hugged a couple of times. After she told me three weeks ago, I had a panic attack and had to get on medication and get into therapy. I'm glad I did as it's really helped for me to realize I've been living with a physical and emotional abuser. My wife and her mother think I'm the verbal abuser, but I don't raise my voice or call names unless I'm backed into a corner.

Everyone is telling me that I'm a fool for letting her stay with me in the house with our kids, let alone stay married this long. I have called an attorney and am confident I will get full-custody should it come to it - we have agreed that when it comes to our children we want to be amicable and civil and not use them as pawns.

I am torn because this is the only person I have known for 16 years. I met her in church and we used to have a solid foundation for our relationship but we have both changed. For some reason I just can't let go of this girl and I don't want to. I know rationally it's the right thing to do but I just can't seem to gather the courage to ask her to leave (which she said she'd do as she knows she broke my heart and it's too painful). At the moment we are living together in my house and living somewhat separate lives. She thinks she's staying as long as she wants or until she has enough money to leave and get place on her own. She will crash financially as I pay 98% of the bills and she only works part-time and doesn't make very much. I will not pay her credit cards but have told her I will continue to pay the vehicle insurance for the car she drives.

Why can I not let go? I'm really afraid to face the future as a single dad and I don't want to start this process all over again. She is all I've known and I don't know how to adjust to anything else.

Thanks in advance for your comments, advice and support. This is truly devastating to me and I am just lost.

Your wife is a serial cheater. It doesn't really matter if nothing happened in the hotel room, which it probably did but either way, an emotional affair (EA) is still an affair. You have every right to divorce her. There are many here that would advise you to do this since a serial cheater is way too addicted to infidelity and less likely to feel remorse.

But this site is about marriage building. If you want to try to recover your M, all the tools are here. Read Surviving and Affair, His Need Her Needs and everything there is here about Plan A and B. Start doing this even while you are still indecisive about what you want to do. These plans will help your personal recovery as well, regardless of what you decide to do about your M. Post your story on General Discussion - there is more traffic there.

I can relate to what you're saying because I was only with one person for 14 years. I once felt as you did. What will help you let go is separating and having no contact with her. As time passes you will adjust to your new world and you will discover that there are other people out there who aren't abusive.