Yup, I agree. This is what I faced more times than once. That last time PWC actually SAID all the right things, even started to DO them. I wouldn't even crack the door for Drac, Bugsy. Not even to get a peek.

I wonder if he and Ho-dee-ho-ho won't be boomeranging in their relationship for some time now, anyway. One week ON, one week OFF.

Bugsy:

This one might get Chrisner to post....

Picketts Charge at Gettysburg was the "High Point" of the Confederacy.

I think that "Ladybug's Ballgame" of last week was Ho's High point.

The Battles will continue in a dewindling manner until it over. Unfortunately, many will still be hurt in the aftermath, notwithstanding the many beforehand.

LG

The dynamics of all of this are really interesting--from being all dolled up at the soccer game to moved out and broken up so quickly. What's up with that? How did it all play out?

The behavior of infidels can be sort of fascinating in a train-wreck sort of way

BUT it is a threat to your sanity, Bugs. A threat to your peace.

How tight is your plan B? It's gotten a bit leaky over time, hasn't it? You may want to take steps to tighten it up given that Drac might be testing you again soon.

Your restraint is a testament to why you are President.

Look at you girl. Look at your composure to let the chips fall where G-d is working. You can only be blessed by such things.

I'm so praying for your happiness and blessings.

Wow!! I miss out on a day of posts and look what happens! 2 pages for me to catch up on tonight!

Thank you ALL! Each and every one of you had something special to contribute and I soooo appreciate it.

First, I have to tell you that when I told Mom about everyone's care, concern, and prayers, she almost cried. And she, like me, is not a crier!

Nothing much from her dr appt other than they are scheduling a needle biopsy. The usual assurances from her gp - it could be nothing, but it could be something. They won't know until the test is completed. It could be a couple of weeks.

Ok, now to the Drac situation. I have read everyone's posts and see so much truth in it all. I held off allowing myself to go into the speculation, but today the floodgates opened. (ironic as I live in the Midwest and we have such flooding going on right now)

Anyway,,,,,,,,,,,Aren't we all forgetting some important 'facts'?

#1. The breakup of the marriage had NOTHING to do with the HO
so why would THEIR breakup change anything?

#2. I am to BLAME for everything that went wrong with the marriage.

#3. I am to BLAME for everything that has gone wrong in Happy HOLand.

So, why in the world would we even be talking about any attempt by Drac to increase contact, let alone attempt any type of relationship??

Ladybugs told me tonight that she is getting a new dog at Dad's house. They JUST got a new dog there 2 weeks ago. I said as much to her. She said that the HO took both dogs and the cat, so she is getting a new dog. I made a non-commentary comment about it and said, well I don't get it. She said, "remember, they broke up?". I said I didn't understand.

She replied, "The BOYS were fighting all of the time".

I SWEAR on everything that is precious to me, that if Drac in ANY way lays this at DSS's feet, I will destroy him. While I am sure the kids were constantly at odds, it is NOT the fault of any of them that THEY did not stay together.

Now, he has probably spun it in some way that he (Drac) was doing what was best for DSS (yep, there is that victim role), bottom line is that he and the HO are SUPPOSED to be the adults here. Even if it IS about the kids, you DON"T tell them it is in ANY way about them. UGH!!

Ok, so I will take into account that it is Ladybugs interpretation of things, but somethingmade her say it that way.

I seriously do not think he will be back around at all. Lexxy is totally on the mark that he will NOT be admitting to anything as his fault. I really believe he is done with me for good.

Are you sure our WH's are not one and the same?

Seriously, Bugs, we have NO IDEA how any of this is really going to end up. Only G-d does. Remember that mahogany chest of love for him. Well if it's still there, G-d is still working.

Though life goes on..

Now for your mom. I am remaining quiet through this because I really don't know much about medicine. I know alot about prayer and you are both in there.

My mom had lung cancer and I can promise you I will be here right along side you if you need anything. But it's probably nothing and she just gets a bit of a scare to remind you all how much you love each other.

Thanks, Queenie!

Mom is scheduled to have a needle biopsy next Wednesday. After that, it may take up to a week before we know anything.

When I talked to her today, she sounded GREAT. Her comment, "God is taking care of me. He will take care of me no matter what comes along. It's His will. He is in control and I trust Him."

Praise God - she is one amazing woman!!

Drac has called DD EARLY each of the last 2 nights. That hasn't happened in months,,, unless he was calling early because of a date with the HO where he would not be available when she would normally call him. For some reason they had to use DSS's phone last night, so he had DSS on the phone first, just in case *I* answered, we wouldn't have to speak to one another.

I've done well in keeping quiet. No comments to anyone outside of Mom and 1 friend who never speaks to or sees Drac. I am still, frankly, in shock that she's out of there.

I would not be surprise to see the boomerang of back & forth with them for a while. Until I hear some info on the circumstances,,,,,,,,,,,and we all know it's just a matter of time before I do,,,,,,,,,,,I am assuming it's still "game on" with them.

It's going to take time for him to get thru the 'withdrawl'. By then, who knows what he'll do or have done. My prayers are that he work within himself and come to some realizations & make changes for his own good. I'm hopeful. That's all.

I am just trying not to 'THINK' about it much. Too much speculation. To much wasted energy.

I'm at a good place and I don't want to give any of that up to him in any way, shape, or form.

So,,,,for the 12th I have schedule the
First Annual Girls Drinking Frozen Drinks with Little Umbrellas by the Pool Party!

It's the perfect date (Drac's bday). Have lots of girlfriends coming over and we are going to make every frozen concoction we can think of!

Gotta run! Ladybugs needs bath & bedtime.

Bugs:

Pulmonary (lung) nodules are very common and we see them all of the time in benign conditions. That nodule could be an old fungal infection that has healed over (very common). Was your mother a smoker? This is a key issue in dealing with probabilities.

My advice would be to NOT take on the burden of a dire diagnosis of cancer untill you have it. I was mistaken in your first post in that I thought she had a diagnosis. In my experience, the large majority of lung nodules that I have seen on a Computed Tomography scan (CT) have been found to be non-malignant. If the needle biopsy proves this, all she will need is serial CT scans every 6 months for the next 2 years to clear her.

Even if it is cancer, there are emerging therapies and clinical trials that are providing longer survival periods for even the most of malignant tumors. Breath easy, have faith, and expect the best. You can search the internet all day and ask questions, but that wont give you the diagnosis.....don't take on the fear of cancer untill we know it is cancer....we can then deal with that issue when and if it comes up....and I mean "we".

Lemonman, MD

Lem M.D. wrote:

Such good advice. Wonderful to have you back, Doc.

Lemonman


Yes, she IS a smoker & has been for about 50 years (she is now 68)


PERFECT advice and advice that I have already taken to heart.


In Pep speak EGG-ZACT-LEE! There is the 'good' and the 'bad' of all Information Highway, isn't there? Lots of information out there, but it means nothing if it is not applicable to the REAL facts, right?!



Now, darn it,,, you went and made me cry! That is so so so sweet of you! You have no idea how much that touches me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Thankfully, Mom has the BEST of attitudes. While I know her well enough to know that she has thought about the possibilities, her attitude is very positive and very much in trusting God in the entire situation.

As you say, there are options out there - - no matter what the results say we are dealing with. Let's find out WHAT we are dealing with First. THEN, we can go from there.

Thanks so much, again! Here's my most Giant cyber HUG ever to you!

{{{{{Lemonman}}}}}

Well since I just HAD to log off my work computer to check out the party on Fox's thread, I figured I'd go ahead with a quick post here.

Mom's doing ok. Still having some pain from the fracture, but much better than a week ago!

I called DSS yesterday afternoon to talk to him about the coming weekend. While we just started talking, Drac called him. I told him to answer Drac's call and call me back. He never did.

My sister ran into Drac & DSS a bit later at the grocery store. It was 'friendly'. Drac was doing HIS lake trip shopping and even told Sis where he was going. Not the usual lake where we used to go because of it still being quite flooded. Sis said something about how she & her H had 'moved up' from tents to a nice camper. Drac said he'd gone the opposite way from cabins to tents. He mentioned that he'd sold the boat. A bit more chatting.

She said something about her purchases for the lake & he asked if she had enough since she was feeding DSS. She said yes, and that he ought to kick in on her bill! Good job SIS! She said it joking, but you'd THINK he should get the message. I'm sure, though, that it didn't get through to him at all.

So, this a.m. got an email from him. It said that DSS did not know and wasn't able to tell him what MY plans were for the weekend. He said he was leaving today at X time, and did I have any idea what time I was picking up DSS.

He then went on to say that he could not scan the paper, but he wanted to share with me DSS's summer school grades. He listed them, including comments from the teacher, and some positive comments.

I just replied with the time I expect to get DSS and said 'thanks for the grades info'. Short and sweet. No change from the Dark Side for me. Less is More.

I've had a few 'dreams' the past few nights and not slept the greatest. I call them "Drama Dreams". Involving Drac and the HO. Nothing worth going into here. Yet, it does remind me that I have thoughts/feelings about the supposed break up of HappyHoHouse and that there remains some 'hope' inside of me, even if I am not verbalizing it.

Am going to get my hair cut, pick up DSS, do our final lake trip shopping, and come home to pack! Can't wait to hit the lake.

The 4th of July is my sister's "Annual Over Indulgence". Last 2 years she has been the source of entertainment for one night. She rarely drinks and never to excess - - so this new 'annual' event is something I don't wanna miss. I've not seen it the last 2 years, so am hoping she doesn't disappoint!

If I don't get a chance to post later, have a Fun Safe 4th of July everyone!!

You too Bugs, have a happy and safe 4th. I hope the weather is awesome for you.

And may it be awesome for all of us.

It sounds like everyone had a nice 4th of July.

Lots of good fireworks for Fox's now EX!

Lots of golf for BC.

Excellent example of personal recovery from SL.

Owning up to her own 'stuff' for Queenie.

Typical mayhem & foolishness from Chris and the entire crew! Pig snot, James?? Really??? EEEWWW! That's really worse than the mental image of the Speedos!! haha!

We had a nice 4th. Sun, Fun, Friends, Lake, Tubing, Fireworks, Food, Drink - - it's all good.

Yet, Sunday I ended up in a 'funk' after dropping off the kids. Ladybugs didn't want to go to his place, but wanted to stay with me. I was supportive, but firm in that it is her time to be with him and that he really loves her/wants to spend time with her.

Didn't accomplish much at work all day yesterday, and then went to LadyBugs ball game. They were already there. Drac & DSS together. I had no choice but to walk by them, so I stopped and hugged DSS. As always, didn't even look at Drac. DSS sat by me for most of the game because Drac had picked up his dog from the vet on their way to the game & he needed to take him home. Poor doggie has heart worms and he caught kennel cough from the HappyHoHouse dog they brought home a few weeks ago (that is now gone with the Ho.

After the game Ladybugs wanted to come home with me. I told her the same thing as I had Sunday night, but she went and asked Drac. He said no. She came running back over to me in tears. She really cried hard and I felt just awful. I assured her as best I could, being positive how she'd be fine & would have fun w/Daddy. While I was doing this he came and stood just behind me watching and listening and then they left.

The funk continued to the point of tears last night. I made the mistake of watching the movie - Always. Richard Dryfus (sp?) and Holly Hunter. Romance & sadness. I cried and cried.

Today, have MADE myself work. It has helped.

Then, email from Drac.

"Ladybugs and I talked last night about her wanting to go home with you after the game and getting upset, I explained to her that we just got back together and I wanted to spend time with her as well and that if it was a Wednesday or Thursday game it would have been less of a problem. I have a feeling she will be asking again on Wednesday after the game.

I also wanted you to know about her field trip Friday w/ the Y to the Arch. Parents are allowed to go, there is no way I can get out of work right now, not sure if you would be interested or able."



My reply was -



I told her the same.

I am not available Friday.

thx



My reply is in keeping dark as possible. Status quo. Although a part of me wanted to give a 'normal' reply with full sentences and discussion.

Why did he even send the email in the first place?

In the course of work today, I came across emails from 2007 to a close friend who helped me a lot during this whole ordeal. I read some of the things that went on and revisited the things that Drac said. This one stuck out today.

Our friends have told me that I’m just going to have to be a JERK about this to get you to understand that this is OVER. I don't want to be a JERK. You are just REFUSING to accept that this is OVER.



He's right. I have refused to accept that this is over. I don't think even NOW, this Very moment that I accept it. Even reading about how when we were still being intimate and he in so many words said it was just s*x to him. I didn't get it even then.

To this day, I continue to revolve too much around him and the hope that he will magically SEE what a mistake he made. I feel like such a fool. Why do I care at all?

I am not a wilting flower, who has no self confidence or who doubts my own worth. It's not that I don't know that I am worthy of having someone really love me with all of their heart & soul. I know that I DO deserve that.

Why do I still want that 'someone' who loves me to be Him?

I'll own up to you all here that a part of me wants to 'try' to 'meet needs' to see if it makes a difference. Don't worry, I haven't done anything and don't plan to do anything. Right now it's just a nagging little thought,,,,,,,,,

I think I'll go clean something,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,that's my usual response to being upset.

Honestly, this all sounds like a reaction to witnessing your LadyBugs' sorrow. I'm sure you do love the man that you thought your WH was, but I'm pretty close to sure that you do not love his current incarnation.


As for the first item in bold, I think the same thing about myself.

As for the second thing in bold, I think the same thing about myself.

As to the last thing, this is just you wanting to DO SOMETHING about all this pain. I say focus your energy elsewhere, like removing bellybutton lint.

Truth is, I DON'T want PWC to love me, I want the man I love, the one I have in my heart. He's dead and gond as far as I'm concerned. I want the love of a dead man? I think I'll stick to the living.

This is part of why Plan B stinks, because you DO hold on to bits of love that you have for your spouse, so THAT love drags on. I'm hoping, eventually, that it will not be the same longing. Again, I long for something that is nonexistent, like a FANTASY. I was given a chance to meet the needs of the ZOMBIE, and instead of loving me back, he chewed me up and spat me out.


Since you are such a choice catch, let the SOB come to you, not the other way around. He needs to be begging to MEET YOUR NEEDS, otherwise, it's a losing proposition. WS's that return home and don't do the do, wreak havoc instead of healing. I'd rather be alone. I can deal with the heartache of the loss of my fantasy; I cannot deal one more day with the assinine antics of PWC. He's a horses patoot.


You are not admitting to anything that the rest of us don't feel, Bugsy.

This will pass. Stay dark. JMHO. Take what you like, leave the rest.

Bugs:

This line:


Is Ho Gone?

Drac is starting to toss YOU the bone, see if HE can reel YOU back in.

Six weeks ago, the email would have said:

BUGS:

Please DON'T interfere with Ladybugs visitation time with ME. Your efforts to "comfort" her are unacceptable and only upset her more!

SHE was FINE with me.

YOU know the judges ruling states that I have her, blah de Blah...

Drac


It certainly didn't take him long to try to worm back in.

You response was the correct one.

Let me know how the golf tournament goes. Maybe BC can make it...

LG

Morning!

Well, I DID do some cleaning last night, which helped occupy my thoughts for a while and helped exhaust me to sleep a bit better. Still feeling a bit draggy, but a bit better, too.

SL,


HA!! I know you are right,,,,,,,,,,,


Yep, DRAC isn't the man for me either. I guess I just haven't 'accepted' that the man I love is dead.


I could not have said it better. I think the past couple of days it has hit me how LONG this has been dragging on. Don't get me wrong - I have had great days. I have experienced great change and I think I have grown a great deal. Yet the feelings for him do drag on.

It's like driving my boat with an anchor still attached. It's not firmly anchored in a loving relationship, but it's still attached to my boat. So, while I am able to move about the water, it's not a totally FREE and EASY ride.


I know how this has so effected you - yet you have acknowledged it, deal with it, and are moving on with such strength and grace. You continue to help others by sharing your experience, even through your own pain. I so appreciate your sharing to help remind ME of what I would be dealing with.


I know you are right. And it is about the wanting to DO something feeling that has returned.

I guess the departure of the Ho has effected me more than I'd really like to acknowledge. While I have worked hard to have no expectations of Drac, the hope remains that with her departure, the man I loved would reappear.

That's part of the reason why I read some old emails - to remind myself of the cold, callus person Drac really is and has been for some time. Was it the A or was it his being done with me before the A? He has always said he was done before. I haven't wanted to believe that. Yet, it could very well be the case.

Either way, what continues to eat at me is that I KNOW that we could have re-built a BETTER marriage if he had given us the chance. It just sticks with me that he once said, "If it wasn't for the HO, then yes, I think we'd be getting back together."

I doubt he remembers that comment, but I haven't been able to forget it. In spite of every other hurtful thing he said & did, I held on to the comment as one of the few honest things he ever said.

Wish he'd never said it.

Hey LG!


I guess you are right - - Lord knows he certainly could have written the example you pose below when HappyHoHouse was still in tact. I have a some just as cold that he did send. In fact, I read one yesterday that actually said, "contact your attorney".

The sad part is, a large part of me WOULD like to be reeled back in. But, like SL said, not by DRAC. I can see the difference and can withstand the temptation of lunging at that gerbil!

Well, let me clarify that I can see it but it often takes the assistance of my MB friends to have it in real focus!

Thanks guys..

I gotta jump in the shower and get to work,,,,,,,,,,,I HOPE I am able to focus better today!

Bugsy:

How's Mom?

LG

LG,

As I type, Mom is having her needle biopsy. Hope to have an update in a short while,,,,,,,,,,,

Thanks for asking.

Bugs,

...thank you for putting words into how many of us here FEEL... it helps...A LOT!

That is absolutely one of the truest statements.

And I too thank you Bugs,

My prayers are with you and your mom. Keep us posted.