I'm trying to figure out how to budget for the Harleys. One of my biggest concerns (because we're pretty broke) is that we start and then cannot continue due to finances. So I'm trying to guess how many sessions we need to be able to afford to make it worthwhile.

I know that it is different for everyone...but I thought I might throw it out there to see what others have seen. I'm guessing at least 5 sessions.

Also, is it better to start and then have to wait for the next session or wait until we can afford several and do them in a quick succession?

HTM

Start. Even one session, if that is all you can afford, will be well worth the money. Then schedule another one as soon as you can.

They will not encourage you to schedule sessions past the point of need and they will not waste your time or money.

Every couple is different-- some can only manage a session or two and some keep it up for a long while.

This counseling is vastly less expensive than the cheapest divorce.

I think the number of sessions will really depend on what you and your H take from the sessions...how quickly H 'get's it'. You have the benefit of reading the MB books, which has greatly helped you. If you can get H to read the books or order the CD's to have him listen to them I would think that would speed up the process.

My husband is not a 'reader' so I ordered one of the books on CD and the others in book format. We were at a different place than you were when I found MB. As a FWW I can say while I was out of the fog when I came here, some of things I read in SAA helped me see that some of the things that I had done while working on recovering our relationship were not the best way to go about it. It helped me change some areas that needed to change...that said I'm not sure my husband would agree that it needed to change.

I ordered the Fall in Love, Stay in Love on CD. It seemed to bring aspects of SAA, HNHN, and Love Busters all into one book. Obviously it doesn't go into the areas as deeply as the individual books do but the Fall in Love was a good choice for my husband. He knows that I read all of the books and when he finished listening to a section we could discuss and I could fill in more what the other books said (I would find the specific places in the books to actually show him so it wouldn't feel like I was teaching).

I think I got off track a bit, just wanted to show there are ways to help the sessions along.

I would set up a session ASAP. It takes a while at first to get a session set-up. You may have to wait a few weeks. No matter how long it is before you can have a second session you are going to benefit from the first session you had. Why would you want to wait any longer to help further facilitate the recovery of your relationship. If you can't have another session for another 3 months at least you can benefit and implement what you gain from the session now. A session now taken with the MC you've had already plus reading/listening to the books can help your H get with the program.

Thanks. I think you're right. I called the center, but they are already closed for the day. I left a message.

I think I will just let H know that I need to do this. He will not argue (even if he doesn't think it's worthwhile). And we'll go from there.

I've read much of the books to H (he's not a reader) and we've discussed a lot of the concepts at length.

Does anyone know if you can give a synopsis of the M to the Harleys before the first session so that you can speed up the initial "get to know you" time? It would be awesome if they could read my thread before counseling...but I'm sure that they don't have the time to do that with everyone.

Also, do you get access to the private board with counseling or is that only for the MB weekend?

OK, I took the easy way out and copied and pasted this from someone else I posted to regarding sessions. All parts will not fit but your get the idea.

I've had sessions with Jennifer. She is really great and will provide you with lots of useful information and guide you well. If you haven't received it yet, you will recieve a link for a love questionnaire (sorry don't recall the title) but it is a quick little survey to help her gauge where things are at. Are both of you going to do the phone session or is it just you this time (both are helpful)?

I was going to ask if you access to email but duh - you wouldn't be here if you didn't. I would send an email to the MB address and put "Session with Jennifer" in the subject line. Then ask that this email be forward to Jennifer for your appt on July XX. After that give some back ground (brief but enough detail to cover what needs to be said - I had a teacher once say that your writing should be like a womens skirt, long enough to cover the subject but short enough to keep in interesting - not PC but funny and true) regaring you, your husband and your marriage. This will help get some of the background information out of the way before the phone session and allow more time to focus on the future instead of filling her in on the past. (My background email was probably 2 paragraphs of this size.)

Thread reading - no, that would be nice but very time consuming for them. The private board is for the MB weekend only. After sessions with Jennifer she told me to email the MB office, just have her name in the subject line and they would forward it on to her, with specific things. I needed help with what I call "Jennifer letters" to my husband. She read and changed up to how she thought would be better suited so I didn't sound like a teacher. Here again I was concise with what I wrote.

ADDED: Jennifer does evening sessions. The first time talking with her was the last session of the day. It was for 1 hour 45 minutes instead of the hour and when I started to thank her for her help after an hour she told me not to worry about the time. I was not charged for more than the hour. I don't think this would be a regular occurance for them but just letting you know how it went for me in case you wanted the latest time possible. You might get lucky too. I was very grateful for the additional time.

hicktownmommy,

W and I have only done 1 session with Jennifer so far. We do have our 2nd session scheduled for tomorrow evening, but even with just the 1 under our belt, it has been very helpful and well worth the money. I'm still having a little trouble with the concept of meeting W's EN's (I'm the BS), but the session seemed to open up W's eyes on what she needs to do if she is 100% comitted to recovery, and even more importantly HOW she needs to do it...and MOST importantly she helped W put together a "plan". Hopefully the 2nd session will be more helpful for myself, but if Jennifer got through to my W so well in the first session, it is money well spent. Hope this helps, and all the best.

jlr...

Where did you copy that from? Was it something you wrote? I only ask because OT I had an English teacher who used the same phrase to describe it and wondered if it were that common or this was the same guy. He was Scottish or English or something...loved soccer...had us memorize the first 18 lines of Chaucer's Cantebury Tales...

Same guy or just the same phrase?

HTM

I copied it from a post I wrote to wannamoveforward.

Just a phrase...my teacher was the 8th grade civics teacher. The next year I moved over 3 hours away and this civics teacher brother taught high school history. He said the same thing but about that time we started to hear all about being PC and inappropriate relations between students and teachers and he got in trouble for saying that phrase...I know I should hate the phrase being a strong woman and all but I find it funny. Could be that the idea of a short skirt to me is something that hits just above the knee. Then again despite the terrible mistake that brought me here I'm actually very modest and conservative. But I digress...

Access to the private boards comes only with the MB weekend package.

Great thread and thanks to all who answered.

I've already gotten an email back re scheduling and I need to call, but I was wondering about a few things such as counseling late in the day and also was worrying about whether it would be worth it since I'm just going to be scheduling as we can afford it...

This is what I have been told before and I'm praying this happens for my H...nice to see someone else say it...

Thanks again!!!

Anyone know if it is printed anywhere what the hourly counseling rate is?

Please follow the link below

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7015_fee.html

Regards
HAF

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lol....got me

HTM:

The coaching costs what it costs.

What is your M worth?

One other suggestion....

The MB weekend was recently held in San Francisco. It will come back. In the next 3-6 months. Or someplace close to you. Save up for that. With hotel room, it might cost $1,300.00

And it can REALLY make a difference.

The phone session can work for you, and maybe $195 once a month or every other month may be all you need. But just do it.

I hope you don't have to move anytime soon.

LG