My marriage is falling apart. It's been going like this for the entire six years. He isn't a bad person but he cannot handle money and doesn't pay his bills. I have cleaned up his messes and credit every year. Now again he is $58,000 in debt against our (paid for)rental house. He expects me to take care of myself and pay as much or more of the bills. I take care of myself and my son. He hates my kids, and they are great, respectful, loving, responsible fun kids. Actually, they are 18 and my daughter is 25 with three beautiful grand kids. She never ask for anything, she has a wonderful husband, and they are great parents. He is Mr. Wonderful at church to everyone else's children but ignores mine and doesn't care to visit them and they only live an hour away. Our financial issues has distanced me from him. He would let our home be foreclosed before he would help me. Now he expects me to sale my horses in order to get debts paid again. He has treated me like I am beneath him and doesn't care how hard I have worked to make this marriage work. I have worked three jobs every since we have been married and he refuses to work overtime, and will not work a 40 hour week. He does construction and he is spoiled! He wants to live a wine life on beer money. My children have begged me to get out before I end up old with nothing.

He does mean things like, he screwed my son's windo closed because he left in open. I told him to so his room could air out. He has cut the cords on thier stereos, and things if they leave them on. I'm not allowed to have keys to his shop, safe, or anything that is his. I have nothing locked from him. We share no bank accounts and he even admits that I am awesome at managing the bills and money.

I have worked on my first job (middle school) for 14 years and he keeps wanting me to quit and go somewhere else for more money. I make three times less than him and he thinks I should pay more bills because my son lives with us. He never offers money for groceries but complains that we never have any food in the frige or cabinets. All of his bills are five months behind again. Even after he made $24,000 dollars in three months. I have no clue where his money goes, but he gets himself in a mess every year. I just don't think I can do this anymore. I will graduate from college in 9 weeks, and I will take on another job. I just feel like I'm going no where with him. Any suggestions. He gets everyone we know upset with him becasue of money issues. It is getting embarrassing. I am a woman of my word, I work hard, and respect people. I've told him that I can't go through this again, and sign no more loans for him. He has almost ruined my perfect credit. I have missed years with my son working all the time. My son misses me being with him. What would anyone suggest? Everyone from his hometown has told me and others that he has done every wife the same way, and I found out I am wife #5 not #2.

Cyndie,

Five wives? That's a serious red flag that this person perhaps has issues that he has not yet resolved in his life.

How long did you date this guy? Did you see any of these signs while dating him?

He has not ruined you credit - you allowed him permission to ruin your credit.

I would suggest counseling and a financial management counseling.
If he does not want to participate, take action to protect yourself and your children.

These are all signs of controlling, abusive behavior. Please look up signs of abusive behavior.


This is a MAJOR deception.

Your safety may be at stake here. Has he ever been physically abusive, or scared you or threatened you?

What happened to the other wives? Are they still alive? Could you contact them? Any chance he's still married to any of them?