What are the steps of divorce?
I don't know much about this. All I know is I have to have joint custody of my son if we go this route. I love him too much not too.

My wife has a lawyer friend who hates me. He thinks I'm a loser cause my wife trashed me to him while we were dating. She would use him if we divorced; she said so. Little does he know she doesn't really respect him either.

Since he hates me he would really screw me. How would I fight this and not get screwed? I guess I would have to get my own lawyer.

What should I learn about divorce and separation?

The only thing that really worries me is my young son. I don't want to hurt him. But I really have had it with my wife. She's an arrogant self righteous person. I think she needs to humble herself. She is proud.

I know I won't do anything now but I want to at least know what my options are if that day comes.

You should seek legal counsel - a consultation will tell you a basic idea of what to do.

If you file, then they need to be served with the papers. Then they can time to respond and then a hearing is set and sometime court ordered mediation. It takes time, but the first thing I would do is talk to an atty.

Lots of states - joint custody is standard. Here in NV, 50/50 is automatic and visitation is usually week on week off.

If you love your son so much, I suggest first trying really really hard to not tear his little world apart. The best gift you can give your son is to love his mother.

Wouldnt you want to try everything to make the M work before seeking this route. You should give it atleast a try for your son.

And obviously you arent that unattracted to your wife when u stated earlyer she is attractive.

I strongly suggest indiviual counseling and even a MC to work what is the really problem for you to say you arent attracted to her but yet find her attractive.

Most lawyers will give you a free 30 minute consultation. Go to at least 3 of these - this way you can learn what the laws are in your jurisdication AND find a lawyer that is going to be tough if you need it.

Post your situation on General Discussion forum. There are a lot of dads on this site and several of them have won custody or joint custody. But the laws still favour mothers for the most part. The guys here can give you advise on how to get joint custody. Put something about that in your thread title.

Start protecting your finances and credit. Separate your joint bank accounts and credit cards. Find out what everything you own is worth. Most jurisdictions split assets 50/50 but sometimes there is leaway. Where I live, you can write your own separation agreement dividing things up any which way and as long as you both sign it, it's legal.

I am not going to address why not try to make the M work since you didn't ask for that. But you should at least ask yourself the question.

Read his other posts, and then see if you still think we should give him support in how to get a divorce and win custody.

Thanks Jayne. Oh well, at least I told him where he could find a lawyer. Maybe I did his wife a favour?

LOL yes maybe. I worry though if he gets full or even half custody, about how his son will turn out.

Poor little guy. The best outcome would be for the adults to solve their problems without tearing apart his little world, and develop into mature, caring spouses and parents. It sounds like some serious IC is needed. JMHO.

So to answer your question "How do I EARN a Divorce", here's your TO DO list:

1. You follow Harley's principles to the letter (i.e., Emotional Need Meeting of Your Spouse, POJA & 4 Rules of Protection, Radical Honesty, etc.).

2. You eliminate all love busters on your side of the marriage (i.e., Disrespectful Judgments, Angry Outbursts, Annoying Behavior, etc.)

3. You read here on Marriage Builders and you learn from others' experiences and guidence. You also read all of Harley's books and articles to support you with nos. 1 & 2 above.

4. If you're still struggling, you setup counseling with the Harleys and YOU DO WHAT THEY RECOMMEND.

5. You give nos. 1-4 6 months to 1 year once you've learned to perfect them.

6. You tell your spouse how serious the issues are and that you're contemplating divorce.

If you still want a divorce after that, then you've EARNED one IMO.

BTW: I am the same poster who told you to divorce if you're considering cheating. Which several of your posts on EN clearly indicate you're on your way to adultery.

You NEVER cheat as a solution to marital problems. All that does is cause you WORSE marital problems and destroys people you love (like your son) in the process.

Any questions?
Jo

Jayne that is a very cruel sick thing to say. I happen to be an excellent father and husband! When it comes to being a dad I am second to none! So go ahead and ridicule me if you need to. I know it's very easy. It doesn't take work to do that at all. You just don't have the depth to dig in deeper and try to get to know a person.

1. What is cruel and sick about wanting a child to have a two-parent loving home?

2. What did I say that was ridiculous? My intention was to be serious.

3. What does my "depth" have to do with what you put out here for us to get to know you? How am I supposed to "dig"? What would this digging look like to you? I've posted, and asked you questions, and have gotten defensive come-backs from you. Just how "deep" we get to know you depends solely on how "deep" you wish to open up.

Apparently I am not telling you what you want to hear. I think we have different definitions of "deep" and "shallow".