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Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 1
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 1 |
My husband has not had an affair while we have been married(18 years). He has admitted to me his lust-looking at other women; and even looking on the internet, not pornography. I was and am crushed. I believed in marriage and now I feel I will never recapture what was lost. How can he say he loves me and yet desires others? Frankly I don't believe him whenever he says "I love you". I know Dr. Harley wrote we could all fall into infidelity if given the opportunity. Am I so naive to think I wouldn't? I thought he married me because he wanted ME.
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Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 6,643
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Member
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 6,643 |
Hi Pact,
Welcome to MB. I'm sorry you are hurting.
Are you two talking? Would he come to this site and read up on stuff?
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 571
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Member
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 571 |
First Welcome to MB!
Are you meeting is EN's? Has he told you why he desires others?
Married 1996 4 wonderful children 16, 13 *OC*, 10, 7 FWW 30's FWH 30's My dday 1-2007 he came clean to me My story New beginings
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
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Member
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069 |
Welcome to marriagebuilders. It is a good place to be. Actually you are in a good position because he TOLD you. Most of the people here were never told a thing, and were blindsided by an affair.
I suppose you have tried amping things up in the bedroom......
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Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310
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Member
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310 |
Have YOU changed from the person that YOU were when he FIRST became ATTRACTED to you? What appealed to him THEN remains the SAME. Yes, he wants the YOU that he was ATTRACTED to THEN. Be thankful that he is OPEN about telling you this. THAT IS GREAT!
Once married, it's ESSENTIAL to continue to work on meeting our SPOUSE's EMOTIONAL NEEDS. For men, PHYSICAL ATTRACTIVENESS and SEXUAL FULFILLMENT are often MAJOR NEEDS. I was in DENIAL about this for many years when, in reality, in looking back, I realized that these have ALWAYS been very important to my HUSBAND. When dating him, trying to woo him, I worked BIG TIME on meeting these needs. It was WRONG of me to STOP doing that. That was ESSENTIAL in EVIDENCING my LOVE for HIM...taking care of meeting his EMOTIONAL NEEDS.
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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