My W admitted to having an A a few weeks back. As all the details unfolded she shared with me that her girlfriend Alice had been having an A for at least 2 years. We are both friends with Alice and her H Tom. Alice and Tom have had a rough time with their marriage for the last 3-4 years. They are both alcoholics, but she starts her day with a beer. They have agreed to stay together until the kids are a bit older. Since it was Alice who introduced my W to the OM I was not to happy with Alice at first and still am not completely sure how to handle this. My wife has told me that Alice has defended her and her actions in her A and that has me feeling rage. During a conversation they had Alice became very upset that my W had shared not only her A with me but also the OM name. She further went on to say that she believed Tom was also having an A and that they had invited the OM to dinner at their house. I really can't believe that Tom would have the guts to sit through something like that if he really knew the truth. In addition we believe that all their children know of moms A. Since both my W and I have been practicing the MB concepts, we have come to understand the truth that so many seem to be blinded by. I believe that what is going on is hurting their entire family and want to help. I"m not sure if I should force this issue or leave it alone. Part of why it would be difficult to leave it alone is my W and Alice do business together and I don't need my W to be subjected to any more poor advice as well as condoning that type of behavior. My W has told me that Alice is her closest friend. I told here she should take a closer look at how a real friend should deal with both their morals. I don't know if I have a right to intervene in their friendship. Certainly my relationship with Alice has changed.
Here is what I was thinking. I tell my W to tell Alice that if she doesn't tell Tom what is going on that she will. I say this because this is in my mind what a true friend would do. If she says no she will not get involved, then I would tell Alice to tell Tom or I will.
Any help with this would really be appreciated.

IMHO, you have enough issues to deal with other than Alice & Tom. The only contact your WW should have with Alice is to tell her that they can no longer be friends due to their consipiracy against you. Now that you are aware of their lies and deceit against you, it is the ONLY way.

In effect, your WW needs to choose her M to you over her friendship with Alice, and go NC with Alice forever, otherwise you will never feel safe with the two of them remaining friends.

FogFree (my FWW) and I experienced the same situation and that is how we handled it, and it has worked out for us. Don't get me wrong, FogFree fought to maintain their friendship MUCH more than she did for OM, but in the end (and with our MC's concurance) NC has been in effect with toxic GF for nearly a year now.

You cannot control the factors which influence your wife. There will always be those who encourage and tout the benefits of sin.
If not Alice, it will only be someone else. We have a television and an internet full of ungodly advice and aid for those who want affairs. There are "friends" who tell me on an almost weekly basis that I should get a divorce. However, I have a GOD who tells me that He "hates divorce". It is my choice as to whether I want to obey my "friends" or obey God.

Your wife must learn to accept truth, and reject lies, if she wishes to be a faithful wife.

If she does not wish to be a faithful wife, there is nothing whatsoever you can do to stop her.

I don't think it is right to intervene in your wife's friendships, unless that "friendship" is an adulterous affair and you are the recipient of the disrespect.

I also don't believe that "friends" are manipulative and coercive toward each other. They give advice.... that's all.

You have to pick between morals and the pocketbook. If she does that to her H what makes you think she wont do it to her friend?

If you dont tell the H your not friends of there M.

I disagree entirely with tfkeel. Just because your (F?)WW might be influenced by other factors does not mean that you should sit idly by and accept a toxic friendship that's likely led to significant damage to your M and will likely continue to do so if it continues. That's ridiculous logic, akin to suggesting that just because she might get robbed by someone in the future, it's ok for your F(?)WW to hang out with known criminals.

This is a classic example of a toxic friendship, and the dissolution of such toxic friendships is a boundary that BOTH you AND your F(?)WW should have in order to protect your M.

Tough call. My suggestion: Call the BH and tell him yourself. If you believe that he might pose a danger to his WW and family, then find a safe place to do so with him alone, then immediately inform his WW that you've told her H about her A.

If you warn beforehand, e.g. asking your FWW to talk to "Alice" first, be assured that the story she tells her BH is more likely going to be along the lines of "my friend's poor H is going crazy, etc..."

abiric, my suggestion would be to call up Alice's H and warn him about what is going on so he can protect himself and his children from her. She is a DANGER to them all and he is at risk of contracting STDs. Not to mention the horrible lesson she is teaching those kids. She is teaching them to be little liars and cheaters themselves.

Secondly, I think Alice poses a danger to your marriage and is no "friend" to your wife. A real friend would have called you up and busted your wife post haste. She is the kind of "friend" who gives a suicide a gun. Since she is a danger to your marriage, I would make it a boundary issue since having her around will only cause problems in your marriage. It is extremely disrespectful TO YOU for her to stay in contact with this ENEMY of your marriage. Don't demand, but explain to her that this is a boundary issue with you.