Conversations in our home have been few and far between this week. Interesting comment from WW when asking me why I contacted OMW.

She said that me contacting OMW has made this all about the A. What about the 8 years before that when she wasn't happy? This was just about the 2 of us.

My response to that was no, this started as the 2 of us, but now involves the 9 of us (us and our 3 K's, them and their 2 K's).

She did NOT like that at all. LB or appropriately placed remark?

One more question for all.

As I mentioned above, she said we are getting D and asked if I am in denial. Yet, actions tell me other stuff (like why hasn't she gone to sleep elsewhere in the house if I am that repulsive?).

Have you seen this type of behavior before? Seems very strange / weird for someone who thinks I make her sick...

BTW, WW went on a trip prior in late June. Prior to that, we had 3 consecutive VERY GOOD days - communication, consultation, fun to be around. She gets back and drops the B about D. Apparently she may have been in contact with OM while on trip, but no proof. This may have sent her spinning again...

Thoughts?

One additional question: how would you suggest to respond to WW when asks again why I contacted OMW?

Actually had added this as an edit to previous post, but thought I would post separately to draw attention to it:

One additional question: how would you suggest to respond to WW when asks again why I contacted OMW?

Didn't Willie Nelson make a movie about that?

Sorry. I HAD to comment on that...

Would I have liked to be a fly on the wall at my house today.

MIL and FIL were in. Spent much of day with WW. I get home just as they are leaving. They say to both of us "we want to hear positive things, no more negative". So what were they talking about today???

I help FIL load car, get hug from MiL, joke with FIL. Nothing unusual. But after ihey leave and I go in house, WW says to me "so did you give them both kisses as well. That was some good a$$ kissing".

WHATEVER. Nothing out of the ordinary for me to do with IL's.

WW very quiet since, even at supper where me and K's had great conv.

Thoughts or comments?

She's just jealous you got there first.

Help. Need some advice.

WW says she has lost all respect for me because I was being vindictive by communicating with OMW. She has said this for three weeks (ever since she found out). Is this normal script? How long does this last?

To the vets and others that have been there, any thoughts on the length of time the WW will be angry?

Whatever. Yes, it is normal script.

What happened when you called the OMW? What did you say? Have you kept lines of communication open so you can work together to kill the affair? Is she active in her affair?

You simply tell her that you are fighting to salvage your M. Exposure of their adultrous fantasy is a very effective means of doing so.

Ask her if her A was so wonderful, why didn't her OM expose the same to his W??

I think you can see the answer to that, and so will she.

All Blessings,
Jerry

Melody

I have so far only contacted her by e-mail. She gave me her cell # just before they were leaving on 2 weeks holiday. She has been told by her H that he and my W are only old friends - she knows that is not true. She should be back in 2 days. She has a lot of questions to which she says she gets no answers.

She must have told her H that we have been on touch. OM then told my W and the $hit hit the fan.

Line of comm are not closed.

GOOD! Be sure and get with her when she gets back so you can compare notes. For example, where was her H when your W went out of town recently? You can plan and strategize together in order to more effectively kill the affair.

And don't scared of your wife's anger, unless she is bigger than you and will beat you up. If she beats you, then call the police! Otherwise, you aren't going to die from her anger and hateful words. You are MAN, after all, and can take it!

p.s. have your children been told about her affair? If they have not been told - BY YOU - that leaves them vulnerable to her lies. She will fill them with all sorts of bullcrap about how "mommy and daddy have grown apart" blah, blah, blah. The kids need to know exactly WHY their family is being torn apart. Don't whitewash her evil and cover up for her. Kids can deal with the truth, they can't deal with LIES.

Melody

Thanks for the comments (and the quotes from Dr H).

I am certainly man enough to handle W's anger. Part of me at times wonders if that was the right thing to do, given the "lost all respect" angle. But that wondering feeling doesn't last long.

I have not yet told the kids, but they will know. If anything good has come out of this last month, my bond with my kids has strengthened - we are doing so much together while WW goes out to "recapture her youth".

This all does pretty much make me by now, but I am in this for the duration of the game. I owe that to my family.

There are good family friends that WW has talked to. They have tried to instill some reality into WW's mind but not much apparent success. Financially, we would have to sell the house and vacation property. They have told her that she stands a good chance of losing D16 and S13 if she carries this on to D and everything comes out about the A (the K's can influence where they want to live).

I have been told many times by others that this is a marathon. I can understand.

Jerry,

Thank you for the comments. I am sure I will have a chance to use these again and again as WW still insists I am vindictive for contacting OMW, I have ruined their M and she has lost all respect for me...

Oh well

What have the friends been told and who told them? Were they given self serving FOGBABBLE by your wife or did you tell them? They are not much use to you if they don't have the full facts.

Have your inlaws been told the truth? Or they have also been lied to by your wife?


Hopefully you understand how silly it would be to be concerned that an adulterer has "lost all respect" for you because you interfered in her affair. That is just a manipulation tactic to influence you to stop interfering in her affair. Surely you can see that?


How will they know? Who will tell them? WHEN? And who will give them moral guidance? Lost, your kids should have been told a LONG TIME AGO. This is their family and they have a right to know what is happening in it. As a parent, you have a moral responsibility to give them truth along with MORAL GUIDANCE.

I see so many opportunities here that you have not taken. Your silence is ENABLING your wifes affair. Do you realize this? By not exposing her affair you are helping her dismantle your marriage and your childrens family.


And your kids see you sitting by doing nothing. Is that how you want them to be when they grow up? Little conflict avoiders?

Melody,

I will respond to all points later (just have to run D16 to a friends). The family friends were first told by WW in a visit she had. I followed it up with my own chats (3 to this point) with them. They want to be there for both of us but are clearly unsupportive of the A and her action and have in no uncertain terms said so to her.

Until later...

ok, so they were told she is having an adulterous affair with a married man and this is why she wants to leave her family? What EXACTLY were they told?