Hello all,

My W and I recently agreed to a mutual separation and I did so against my personal beliefs. We have been through an extremely rough year as I was laid off from my job. Due to the industry and salary finding employment has been very difficult. We ended up selling the house and had to move in with parents. This is all compounded on existing trust issues due to a lack of judgment the W had.
W and I had very little to no sexual contact and I am constantly turned down when I do make advances. W said she could not trust me due to the means and methods I eventually had to use to confirm the affair without any deniability on her part(cheaters seem to deny it until the end and show them pictures they will deny that it is them in the pic.). Finally agreeing on the terms and conditions of the separation I moved out and ended up 350 miles away. This past week when I came back to town for interviews, we were able to spend some time together and I can sense there is more to this than W is telling. I finally got W to admit to a few things which was not a big deal but a caused a huge fight. After having time to reflect on our past, I have put serious doubt on the future. There is no sex, communication, affection or blunt honesty. All during our dating and engagement I learned a lot about her past and it seemed we were extremely compatible in all areas, especially sex and communication. To this day I have seen no attempt or effort W has put into our reconciliation and have serious doubts about her true intentions. One example, W goes to the grocery store or Target and would return with far less than the receipt would indicate. I know W is using the cash back option and keeping cash.

Now my decision is, do I keep working on this until the end of the agreed time frame or just file for D. It makes me sick after working it out after W’s affair which in my morals and beliefs is an immediate D. W knew this because due to my previous marriage.

Sorry so long but would appreciate any feedback.

Course19,

I am sorry for what you are going through. It sounds really difficult.

I don't think anyone can offer you any advice on what to do, only you can decide what's right for you and how far you're willing to go.

Personally, I've been through hell trying to get my W back, and ended up going for a D anyway, but I don't regret the effort. I've learned so much, and I'm really a better person today for the work I did.

Keep posting and people can help you deal with the roller coaster of emotions you're likely to feel.

Best wishes,

- TTM