This is one statement I can agree with for sure. Contempt is understandable, blaming them though too many other factors involved.


Who's moral values? Yours or theirs? See that is the problem with morals they are too fluid a concept.

Have you ever spent any time at TOW web site?

Then you are ignoring the work of experts who have spent decades studying infidelity.

The reason is that EVERYONE is open to an affair, it is hardwired into our nature. If you have read some of Dr. Harley's books or listened to his radio show you'll know that is the point he makes: we are all wired that way. When our ENs are not being met in a M we are simply MORE LIKELY to have an affair. Even Dr. Harley has said that the subtitle 'How to Affair-Proof your Marriage' is not entirely accurate because there will still be people that have affairs even if their spouse is trying to meet their top ENs.

"Who's moral values? Yours or theirs? See that is the problem with morals they are too fluid a concept."

How about we use the word "integrity" instead of "morals"? Or maybe "right action" vs "wrong action". In affairs the WS and the OP are engaging in very deceitful, nasty behavior. In fact, most BSs, if not all, are so traumatized by an A that they experience PTSD symptoms. So I would say that lying, deceitful behavior is not only very wrong, but it also isn't walking on a path of integrity. I don't think there is any fluidity in any of these concepts. Would you say that raping a woman is a fluid concept? I'll take it down a notch. How about a man or women gets drunk,chooses to drive under the influence, the passenger with them is also drunk so doesn't take away the keys,and a child that is crossing the street is killed. Maybe we should blame that child for crossing the street at the exact time the fools in the car are driving by.

Life is about choices, and hopefully becoming aware enough that you start making good ones. Neither the WS or the OP is making good choices.

Only to criminals and wayward minds. our prisons are full of people with "fluid morals," and that is exactly where they belong!

"Tell me how many of you ever finished dating someone before you found someone else? Everyone finds someone else before they move on you learn that lesson from middle school on. To believe people turn that off once you get married is silly at best. That is why people become WH/WW or OM/WW. It is what you have done since you were 12. Forget the argument of people grow up, that is just as silly as putting faith in morals"

Er, actually, not me, nor my H. And I'm the FWW. The only person responsible for an A is the wayward person. Oh yes, I did all the blaming of my H in the world when I was first out of my A. My H, who was not responsible in any way whatsoever for my A.

Putting faith in morals? Most people do. Every day of their lives. An A is an immoral act in anyone's language. Even at my very foggiest I knew I had behaved immorally. Yes, I see myself as a moral person. I don't lie, cheat and steal in my real life but I sure as heck did when I was having an A. It was the step over that boundary that caused me to drink heavily and behave out of character. I couldn't reconcile my standards with my behaviour. Result - total misery.

I am also the OP to the OM's W. I intruded into their marriage and I am to blame for that. No one else. Just me.

It takes two to make a marriage and two to break a marriage.

I know I wasn't the perfect wife, but he wasn't the perfect husband either. But I didn't go out and cheat on him. I kept my vows. We had our problems. I was willing to work on them via counseling. He was not.

I think in today's world, a lot of people have to have instant gratification. If someone doesn't fit in with their lifestyle anymore, or if they aren't happy with them anymore, then they discard them like a ripped piece of underware and get another, instead of fixing what they have, they just bail.

No one deserves to be cheated on because the BS doesn't tickle the WS's fancy anymore. Work on the M, or get something called a D-I-V-O-R-C-E !!! An A is NEVER an option!!!!!!

I will NEVER blame myself for my ExH's A. He had a choice. If he wasn't happy in the M, he could have talked to me about it, gone to counseling or left me and D'd. He chose to have an A. That is something that is 100% his, not mine.

His OW, who is 18 years younger BTW, knew he was M'd and had kids. My ExH took my kids to lunch with her. At the time he told my kids that she was a "very good friend" of his. If he never did that, I probably would never have put 2 and 2 together and discovered his A. I had no clue he was cheating on me, he hid it quite well. She was M'd herself. And you say that morals do not have a role here?!!!

Sorry but I wholeheartedly disagree.

OP have no morals, because if they did, they would not go after married people to begin with. "If" she had to have my H so bad, then she should have kept her panties on until she and he were both D'd.

Same for my ExH. If he was not happy in the M, then he should have D'd me first, not cheat on me and my kids.

Sorry, but it really gets my blood to a boil when people have the nerve to say that OP played no role in the matter, "it just happened".

People have choices, things just don't "happen" You can always say "No, I'm M'd".

My ExH's OW knew he was M'd, had kids, but pursued him anyway. Sorry but if that is someone that had morals, then I'd like you to explain to me someone who doesn't have morals.

And please know that I feel the same way about my ExH. He knew she was M'd, but he pursued her anyway.

All I can say is that they are both scumbags and deserve each other.

No, this is what silly immature people do.


There's no way this person is for real. No one can be this clueless. I am going to assume this guy/gal is nothing but a joke.

It's Fog. Nothing but...

Mods, could you please move this thread to "other topics."

Done!

medc, you know as well as I do that this is for real. Good grief, it's textbook fog.

You know something - I refuse to write him off. Here on MB is a very good place for someone to start. If we write him off, how will he ever get to see the wisdom here.

No one wrote me off when I arrived here. I have a feeling if I arrived here now in the same state I was in then, I'd have been run off too.

Oh pooh!!

I know no such thing and have been here long enough to feel that I can recognize fog vs. bull pukey.

No one is asking you to write him off Jen. are they?

Moving this here is tantamount to writing him off.

Fog IS bull pucky. Everyone knows that.

I can pick a troll a mile off and this isn't a troll.

I don't think we'll see him back anyway.

That's your opinion Jen...I happen to disagree.

As far as moving it here...the topic no longer merited staying on GQII...so, as the author of the topic, I asked to have it moved. I think it was quite appropriate. If the mods disagree, they are certainly within their rights to move it back.

perhaps it would suit you well to use proper English before calling anyone else "stupid" for putting faith in morals. YOUR use of the word "your" is incorrect. You're sure to make a better impression with future insults if you use proper grammar.

Why is the simple answer for everyone here the "fog"??? Why cannot a different opinion just be that?

Sorry alot of what I keep reading here is dogma that goes against things I have been reading in HNHN. I started to read the book again and NO WHERE that I can find is there this assignment of blame to the OP. I find plenty on the WS and even some on the BS, but NONE on the OP.

Oh the last gasp of correcting grammar and spelling. Like other sites I go to when you really can't defend your position just pick on spelling and grammar.

HU,

The majority of your posts from various threads since you arrived here are to defend the OP. Why is that so important to you?

Jo