"Why is accepting blame 100% for my actions not enough? Why do I need (in my fogginess) to blame someone else for the actions taken? That makes no sense to me and seems to only muddle the issues. Frankly seems a cop out to dealing with the problems."

I wanted to bring what you are saying somewhere new - somewhere where we talk about "you" and "your marriage" because that's what really matters. You can be intellectual all you like - intellectual doesn't save your marriage. Recognising what you and your BW are going through does. I can see you picking and choosing the bits from HNHN that suit you. Yes, meeting needs is important and I understand what you're saying but you are using HNHN to absolve you of blame. You are going to have to look very deeply into YOU.

I posted the following on your "other" thread. I'd really like to see you come out from hiding behind your intellectual and defensive stance and face a few things.

"You say that the OP is not in the equation. You say that you are 100% responsible. Yes, you are 100% responsible but you are wrong that the OP is not in the equation.

I can almost see your thought processes. You think because the A is "over" and the OW is "gone" that's all that matters. The wonderful, sainted OW can live on in your memory. (sarcasm, extreme sarcasm there).

That is NOT all that matters to your BW. Do you not understand that the BS obsesses about the OP? They wonder if they match up, they wonder if you did different sexual acts, they wonder what was lacking in them to make you look at another person. They question their worth, their attractiveness, their whole life. For the BS, it is ALL ABOUT the OP.

My H will still punch the OM in the nose if he ever sees him. My A was 6 years ago. You just cannot remove the OP from the equation."

Bump

But, Hu's ****EDIT**** BH would need fifty hands as big as school buses to even put a dent in his ego. He's da bomb...remember?

Seriously, why the name calling? Don't we all have enough issues in our everyday lives?

I was going to say the same thing, Esprit, but I have to admit, Intro's post made me smile a bit. Now, don't go getting all encouraged, Intro, you do need to keep a lid on that name calling in here. Especially in a thread started by an FWW.

I'm starting to think HU is a Troll with a capital T.

I bumped this before I'd read the other thread. Hmmmm.... I don't think I'm going to get very far with this.

wow I'm confused, I thought Hu was a guy.

Edited to add: Never mind, I am not with it this morning. jen was talking about herself. Duh Lil!

I'll back off. Just feeding the troll is all we are doing anyway. That's all he is. You can tell by his obvious issue skirting, just to tell us how tough he is. 100% troll.