Mogrod, the "battle" is now on.

Your WS, if she is an active WS, or if she is still in the WS-mindset ("if it feels good, do it, if it feels bad, avoid it, and everything else is secondary to my needs and what I want for me") is going to try everything she can think of to derail your plan. Your response should be to stick to Plan A for as long as you can handle it, then proceed to Plan B if it becomes necessary to do so.

Your actions, your choices, should be dependent on what plan you are currently pursuing.

Look for the "Carrot and Stick of Plan A" post - that should give you quite a few guidelines to help you with your choices.

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Add that it is best for your son to be back in his own home. ANYTHING else is harmful to him and selfish.

How about something along these lines...

"I think you're a great mother, you do a good job of taking care of him, but you have so much going on over there with taking care of your mother and trying to get yourself on your feet financially, and I'd really like to help make things a bit easier. I can help to get our son ready for school every morning, you can pick him up, you and/or your Mom picks him up from school and takes care of him during the day until I get off of work where I can pick him up. If you're open to my suggestion, please let me know. We can work out the details of where he spends the nights and weekends together."

Notice the absence of comments like what you think is best, what's best for everyone, etc....

Looks like Mogrod's WW just signed up.

Welcome, Mogrods other!

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I see the same thing.

Welcome mogrods other....

yeppers....

or if she ain't here....oppps...there she is in the "newest members" column....

so here's to her....

Mo's other,

Hopefully you will find us a good sort of people. We are not here to "harm" you, just help end your "fantasy". We are not here to "brainwash" your Husband. We are not here to help him get "revenge" on you or OM.

We are here to help. Help listen to him, sympathize, and hold him up when he's so low, the ground is above him. I know this, because I was in his "spot" just a mere 7 months ago.

YOu see, my husband thought like you did. Our marriage was over, it had nothing to do with "her", we had nothing in common besides the kids, our marriage was doomed from the beginning...you see where he was going???

And her??? She was his soulmate, the love of his life, the most important thing to him (including his kids...), he was going to marry her and they would have babies, have date night every saturday, only she understood him, only she could comfort him, and even through all the pain they were causing in the end it would be okay because everyone would see their joy and the would be happy because they were happy.....

Want me to tell you the ending????

I ended that joy. YOu see, everytime "she" was not around, me and the kids and our pain were there smacking him in the face. The concern and disappointment on his mothers face was more than he could bear......and then the night I confronted them....well, my pain was more than "she" could bear....she had to look in the mirror and she what she had become....THE OTHER WOMAN...the one who stabbed another woman in the back...the one who ripped a family apart....the one who helped cause his kids to look at him with disappointment and sadness...the one who knew when she looked at my face that I loved my husband more than anyone else in the world, even her, because I was there fighting for my marriage, willing to take back the one who betrayed her worse than anyone else had in her life....SHE HAD BECOME THE VERY THING THAT SHE HAD NEVER WANTED TO BE.....

Now, for you, you can change that, just like the "other woman" in my situation. You can end this....you can give his children what they deserve, a chance to have their family whole....you can stop the pain his wife is enduring.....

think your not strong enough???? Well, there are others on here that were where you were once....the betraying woman...they learned, they grew, and they changed. And they did it with a strong Man behind them, the kind of man that MG wants to be.......do you deserve that???

Heck no, but do you have a better offer knocking at your door???

not2fun

Unfortunately, I fear MogRod's Other is here to discredit us and convince MogRod we're "stupid" people on the internet. When in truth, what we want is to help him recover his marriage and family from this VERY devistating circumstance.

Jo

Thanks for the kind words. I really do appreciate it.


I really do want to thank everyone so far for the support and advice. This whole process and completely flipped my life upside down. I haven't had a good night sleep in over two months and I've CONSTANTLY trying to think of the one thing I can say or do that will end all of this. And it KILLS me everyday the heartache I feel for my son.

And one of the things that kills me the most is, I trying to fight for my family and the woman I love. I'm doing everything to show her, her Mom and anyone else that I've acknowledged my mistakes and want to fix it all and be there for her, I truly do love her and so on and so on and so on... I get the impression from everyone that I'm a bad guy for it.

Anyway, It's nice to know there is a place like this where I can talk things out with people who do not have an already biased opinion for me or my wife, and people who have been in both of our shoes, recovered the marriage and family, and have lived a great, loving, happy life afterwards.

I can't thank you guys enough.

Mogrod1,

Do you feel inside your heart that your wife is still IN-LOVE with you and if so then why would she Cheat?

Do you consider her to be your best friend and can and would tell her or do anything in the world with her?

Friendship is a core part to a relationship.

Well, it's hard for me to answer the first question. I can't speak for her. Personally, I still believe there is a lot of love still there. There is a A LOT of resentment built up in her from stuff that has happened in our marriage. I wasn't the greatest husband. I took her and the marriage for granted, I neglected her in ways and didn't show her near enough affection. Plus, we had other issues like serious debt and financial issues, some family issues and our son's autism that really stressed our relationship.

I do really consider her my best friend. I really do. Always have.

With all things considered are these issues that you believe can be worked out?

If you are able to save your marriage then will the family issues still be prevelant? Debt? and dealing with your sons Autism is never going to go away completely.


Thinking of ways to get around hurdles helps when going through these hard times.

The answer to falling out of love in a marriage is not cheating, it is to focus on the marriage and do things to restore love. She cheated because she has poor boundaries and made a terrible decision to cheat.



Of course he doesnt. She has betrayed him in the worst possible way with her adulterous affair. Hardly the act of a "friend."


Of course they can be worked out. It happens all the time. Most marriages don't end over adultery.


An autistic son is the best reason to try and save his marriage. The boy has enough problems as it is and needs an intact family. Adultery and tearing him from his own home away from his dad is hardly a responsible answer. His parents have an obligation to give him that.

Welcome to MB DreamThing. I see you just signed on and this is your first post. Same time frame as "MogRod's Other".

I'm curious, do you know MogRod or MogRod's wife? I certainly hope you're not the OM in MogRod's situtation or from the OM's camp. That would be VERY deceptive.

As far as MogRod and his wife being "IN LOVE", thats why MogRod is here. Harley's prinicples teaches us how to be IN LOVE throughout your marriage, and even in the face of adultery when its threatening that union.

DreamThing, I would suggest you spend some time reading Harley's articles and become familiar with his very successful plans for recovering from adultery. It will help you when posting on Harley's boards.

Jo

Thanks for the welcome!

and no I do not know MoGrod or his wife. Nor am I the OM in this situation.

I am simply a member and just giving feedback on the situation.

Thanks!

In my opinion, thy can be worked out.

The family issues I speak of are a big issue with my wife but it's something I can really compromise and work on for her.

I think everything can be resolved or greatly diminished if we work together on the issues as a team, which is something we didn't do before.

I know she feels like she has tried on numerous occasions to work on our marriage an talk to me. At those times, I never realized how bad things had gotten, how hurt she was and I was going through a little of a depression of my own and I didn't acknowledge the issues or fully heard her out. She feels like she shouldn't just drop all her anger, resentment and feeling on a dime just because I'm now ready to work on things. I completely understand and actually agree with it. But, I'm not asking her to drop it all, I just want to work through them and take down that wall brick by brick, day by day.

I know the affair would had never happened had our marriage been better. THAT'S what I'm concentrating on - fix the things that lead to all of this.

( in response to what is now shown as Deleted)

Now is this because shes all you have or because you honestly believe shes your best friend. Its easy to claim someone as your best friend when there are not other options. I do not mean to be harsh but I want to be honest for your good sake.
Relationships go through the bad and the good but the bad dosnt have to lead to what your life has become. More often that not, when the bad comes along, people blame themselves and its totally the wrong thing to do. People ultimately do what they feel like doing. If you were neglecting her, you did it for your own reason. "Neglection" just dosnt happen because you feel like it. Were you happy with your marriage before all of this? I am assuming it could of been a lot better and continuing with that, it might not be worth saving outside of the child involved. If there was no communication before, and now there will be issues involving trust, respect, honor and true love then I say move on but still continue to be a great father. DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF because everything happens for a reason. As cliche as it sounds its so true and I have stories to prove it.

And now to get a little more harsh - Stop letting her get away with everything. You want to be the nice guy in it all but is she playing nice? You are being too civil to someone that has committed adultery, lied and has continued everything through the rough time and what you say "her confusion". She is getting her cake and eating it too. It seems to be that she is taking advantage of you to the fullest. Now I do not know that whole story and nor will I attempt to dig it out of both of you - Sometimes people just need a reality check. I want you to move on and worry about yourself for a while. From what you have said, she has given you all the signs to do that and what is best for YOU & YOUR SON. You or your son do not deserve to be in all of the mess, even if you did neglect her. Everything is done for a reason and everything happens for a reason. We, as humans, do not just have bad luck. Look at the bigger pitcher...

Sorry you are going through all of this. I am sure all of us know some sort of feeling that your going through and it is terrible to think that this world can be so cruel sometimes. Keep your head higher than the rest and you will come out on top. As hard as it may be, do not let it affect you and focus on god, family, work or whatever it is that was left out of your life. God bless.