Thanks for your wishes, Dream.

It's hard to forgive. Like most everyone, I always told myself how mad and hateful I would be if my girlfriend/wife ever cheated on me. But, my wife and son are THE greatest things in my life and I'm willing to use this as a launching point to improve our marriage and build the environment I believe our son truly deserves.

This sounds very personal to me. How would YOU "dig it out of both of you"?

Something's off here.

Just do not want to get too much into there "marriage". He has obviously stated a lot of personal information about them and it is not my place to "Dig" deeper.

Focusing on himself while she is doing the same could help the outcome of the trials they are going through.

dreamthing wrote:


mogrod, be aware that when someone just registers to give a BS bad advice like this, ie: "move on", it is usually the wayward spouse, the OP or a friend of either.

It is clear that dreamthing is not familiar with MB principles and is trying to sway you to MOVE ON for some reason.

Some waywards and their friends are CRUEL and heartless enough to do this to a despairing betrayed spouse so just watch your back. Be warned there are sharks in the water who smell blood.

The bottom line is that you have a marriage and a family to save and you should focus on doing THAT, rather than "moving on" or if you and your WW are "friends."

Once again,

I am not stating to MoGrod to just "move on", maybe I should clarify

by saying move on I meant temporarily and focus on himself as how to improve the marriage.

In no way shape or form am I trying to sway anyone to do anything. If you want to save your marriage then go for it.

True love is meant to last and if you are willing to do what it takes then again Good Luck!

Yea, while I appreciated the difference of the opinion, everything Dream was saying countered everything this site and everyone on it believes and vouches for.

Besides, everything Dream brings up are all fixable issues in my opinion.

Seemed fishy but who knows.

I agree this whole recent exchange sounds very fishy.
Clearly dreamthing is not familiar with MB principles.

And then there are these comments:
"Everything happens for a reason"
"You are being too civil"
"I want you to move on and worry about yourself for a while"

That just SMACKS of fog!!

It also sounds familiar to the message I got from her best friend this morning which told me that maybe I should just worry about how to make this go smoother for our son, that he will be fine in a split family as long as me and my wife are civil, and that she thinks that there is not much I can do. She also asked if shouldn't I be angry at my wife and not want to see her.

We have a poster unaffectionately known as BA, who has posted under dozens of different usernames. They generally give BAD ADVICE. This sounds very familiar. So be careful!

Where does this "friend" live?

Clearly she is giving dumb advice. Divorce is devastating to children and your son will never be "fine." If she was a "friend" she would be telling your W to end her affair and go home and work on her marriage. Real "friends" don't help "friends" destroy their marriages and children's family. This is no "friend."

She is the kind of jerk who hands a suicide a gun because she wants to be LIKED. Not a "friend."

While it is certainly possible that this new poster is someone who is playing a role in your wife's affair, it is also possible that this new poster is a stranger from one of the OW boards. If so, it wouldn't be the first time that they selected a random new BS to "play with" for entertainment. Sad but true.

If you stick with Harley's principles instead of advice from your "new buddy" and then one or more of the vets who are advising you from Harley's principles rather than their own random opinions start getting "challenged" -- especially in a passive/aggressive manner -- chances are it is one of the OW boards playing one of their pathetic games.

If that doesn't happen then chances are that it is someone who is involved in your marriage and life. In that case, I would encourage them to read the info pages of this site so that they can make more informed decisions about how they want to be involved in your marriage--chances are they don't know that it's probable that at a future date your wife will apologize to them for embellishing and exaggerating and for other behaviors that are typical of a wayward until NC is established and withdrawal is over.

Take care

She live in town, about a 20 minute drive or so.

That's what I've been saying about her friends and Mom for a while. Now, I'm only going by what my wife has told me, but why wouldn't these people be trying to tell her to work on the marriage rather than, "Do what makes you happy."?

This particular friend has a son from a previous relationship. Her son is 5 and she just married late last year to another guy. The guy, who I've met, is apparently great with her son, seems like a real good guy. I don't know, just giving some background as to why she would be telling me that everything will be fine with our son.

You know, the affair is heartbreaking enough, but I'll tell you what has REALLY broken my heart - my son has been involved in it.

Before she moved out, I found the digital camera and curious as what pics were on there saved. And there they were, pics of my wife and son at the local beach with OM. A pic of my son standing in the water with him standing a couple of feet away. She told me at the time he was just tagged along. She took my son with her on the 4th to spend the day with him and his family. She told me she took our son to the zoo Sunday morning. I wouldn't be surprised if he was with them then as well.

So, it's one thing that I've been "replaced" as a companion and lover, but it seems as if I've been replaced as a father and I literally get nauseous every time I think about it.

This is the type of stuff that just about drives me to not only file for divorce, but to file for full custody of my son.

But, I know, I know, the WW's mind is a funny thing.

Dreamthing needs to "move on"...on to the principles and guidelines of this forum...which are here to save marriages if possible.

it shouldnt be just about marriages. some relationships are just not meant to last forever. thats realistic. i am not saying this is one of those but there are tons of relationships that end, some abruptly, some civil. this site should be also about saving a life or a peace of mind. obviously this is tearing up the people involved and its not healthy. a lot of people hope and dream of something happening that maybe realistically will never happen. how can you state that i know the guidlines of the forum when i am generating another side or viewpoint. isnt that what forums about. so is everyone supposed to agree here and end of story? thats not how i work and i am just being honest. he has been given all kinds of signs up until this point... why would someone want to be with another person that is putting them through all this turmoil - adultery, lies, blaming everyone but herself, putting a child in the middle of it, etc. i would not want that person in my life in any way, shape or form.

criticize me all you want but its my opinion. again, somethings are not worth saving and have no hope in saving.


the things that ARE worth saving will work out...

Wow Dreamthing,
that is a significant change/edit you did on your post. Any particular reason you essentially re-wrote the entire thing?

No reason.

Just wanted to better clarify what I was saying.

DreamThing wrote:


This all reads like propaganda and very much non-MB. You are on a site that supports folks in using Harley's principles and methods, DreamThing.

Again, I would strongly suggest you read and learn before attempting to support members in such dier situations.

Jo

I very much wish I had thought to copy the original post, it was VERY different from the one now posted.
For instance it concerned the WW having the child around the OM

Yes, I saw it too lilDoggie. Seems DreamThing likes to fundamentally alter his/her posts depending on how we respond in kind. That way she/he can continue to have an influence on MogRod's decisions.

MogRod,

Did you know we have an ignore feature on these forums. Whenever you feel that a poster responding to you is not posting in your best interest, you can simply click on that button and you'll no longer have to read their non-supportive reponses to you.

Its a very effective feature.

Jo