HI, I'd like to link my topic from General Questions as the topic has now moved to writing my Plan B letter.
Is there any samples out there???

Here are the last two posts from my other topic.
Wife admited affair, Divorce or Separate?


Update:

To all of you I appreciate your information. I am still confused in my mind what I want but I draw closer to just letting go. Can anyone tell me where to find Plan B letters ]that I could read to develop my own? I would like to give her a plan B letter and tell her that I'm walking away. I can't make decisions for her and can't change her mind. She has hurt me so much, she has given me no choice but to step back.

She mentioned a couple months back (before the adultry) that she wants to be friends, she feels like I'm not her husband but a good friend. I don't know if I want to continue a marriage or a friendship after what she has done to hurt me. Everything feels like lies, our relationship was based on nothing. She told me after I had confronted her about the affair that she read her diary and has been questioning this relationship for 7 yrs. What am I to think about that....

I do have an ounce of hope/drive that with a lot of healing, transparency, honesty and time this marriage could work out for the better. I know there are a lot of people that go through an affair and separation and get back together and live happy.

My wife has done nothing to work on this marriage. She has done everything wrong including commiting adultry and when she was confronted by me, she admitted it but never cried, didn't get upset, or make an applogee.
Even two days later (yesterday) when I met her to "gift" the car she uses from my ownership to hers she acted like it was just another day. She tried to make small talk, would sit on the bench next to me, thanks me for changing the plates over for her.... I can't tell if she is in a fog or just really made up her mind to move on and has no regrets.

She says that she knows I was trying and that it annoyed her. She says that this isn't like dating, meaning she wishes she could just walk away from all the paperwork etc. and get on with her life. She says that she is happy now, being on her own. She needs to find her direction in life.

She says she is sorry that this is happening, but that I told her that I want her to be happy. She says this (ending the marriage) is what it is going to take.




Next post:
I'm glad you guys/gals are arguing about what you think she is saying. It shows me that there is no clear answer as to what she wants/saying.

I do believe she is sitting on the fence, at this time, pretty close to leaping off the other direction. When she says that she can't decide for herself that she wants an instant divorce becuase of adultery (she has said she will admit it to the courts) or if she wants to get a separation becuase there is still a chance she has feelings for me and this may work out in time I read that as she is pulled either direction. I gave her that option to choose when I talked to her after confronting her about the infedelity.
She says that she doesn't know how she will feel months down the road and may want to come back.

Yet, I she has shown no remorse for what she has done. She has acted only 2 days later like there is nothing wrong. She acts as though we are friends.

I believe plan B will help me express how I feel about her, that I do love her, care for her and want to meet her emotional needs but I can not do that anymore if she is with this OM. I need to walk away, find happiness in my life, as this situation is not bringing me happiness. I need to take care of myself because of the pain I feel, and this pain will not allow us to be friends in the future as she has requested. I will not have contact with her from this point on with the exception concerning separation papers.

Does this sound like some good information to put into the Plan B letter??


Next post:
I want to write in the Plan B letter, I need to see a leap of faith, her leaving this OM now, not because it fizzed out or he ended it. That leap of faith will show me that she is dedicated to making positive changes and working on this marriage, so that I too can make a positive effort. If this will not be the case, I will not be waiting in the wings for her to come back. I will move on and meet new people and not be concerned of starting new relationships as ours has run its course.

Is this ok?

A plan B letter is not to state leave the OM now or I won't take you back. That objective is used for a plan D letter.
To not make a threat you might not keep.

The plan B letter is to be used when the WW will not end her affair with the OM. You have reached the point where it is too painful to continue the plan A.

The plan B message is to tell your WW that her continuing her PA is to painful for you. So to remove the pain you have to remove her from your life. That is why you are going NC with her. Any communication with WW will have to be through a third party ( sibling, parent ). When your WW goes NC with the OM, and is ready to talk about recovering the marriage then you will be willing to have contact with her. But not before then.

Plan B is to show WW that you will not be her back up plan, or financially support her while she no longer wants to be with you.

I think a big mistake was for you to give her a car. No matter how much it was worth. I would of told WW you left me for OM let him buy you a car. Stop being a doormat and trying to act fair. Your WW is not. She's probably playing up to you to get the car and what ever she can from you.

The car was discussed a few months ago when we were just talking of a separation becuase she felt she wasn't happy at home. There was no evidence at that time there was an affair. We were already discussing and dividing our belongings and the car was decided on that she brought one into the relationship that we sold and the proceeds went to the other car that she has now even though it was under my name. I had always told her from the start that it was her car.

I'm starting to think she was already making decisions to leave, becuase she wasn't happy and this OM was there to support her and it built up to this bpoint once she moved out. I don't know if a plan B letter will do anything....