Yeah, that's what I would like to do, but, then it's ALL up to some judge. If I can keep her using the same attorney, I can walk out KNOWING what's going to happen...then take action later if necessary.

Honestly, I don't know what's best...I've never been through this before. That's why I'm turning to anyone here who has for help.

Release the Hounds.

This is only about you and the kids now.

She is not qualified to be their mother.

Using the same attorney would be a conflict of interest and possibly unethical for the attorney if there are ANY disputed issues in the divorce (i.e. custody of children). Besides that, I don't see how he can adequately represent BOTH of you and the best interest of the children, because you are the one that obviously should be granted FULL custody, not joint. I'd tell her to get her own attorney. Also, no way would I agree to pay her attorney's fees. She can't afford it? Not your problem. This is another consequence she has to face.

You'll get the kids, ab.

Everything is in your favor for that.

She's just trying to manipulate you into giving her more b/c she doubts her power to manipulate the court system.

If I were you, I'd go dark again until the D is final.

SHE agreed to pay the attorney.

I'm meeting with her (female lawyer) tomorrow alone to discuss my options. I know WW is just blowing smoke, she shouldn't have a leg to stand on in court.

She did agree to give me FULL custody, but I'm not really even sure WHAT that exactly means!

Problem is, how do I PROVE all that she has done to the kids? I have everything documented, but much of it was only with them present. No real proof.

One way I've seen it done is that you do an "Affidavit" outlining every single event to be attached to whatever motion your attorney wants to file to seek full custody. The affidavit is sworn AND it becomes part of the divorce record.

Her attorney will more than likely object to it as hearsay and if that's the case, the Judge could speak privately to the children in his chambers to get their take, or appoint an ad litem to represent them.

The 1st OW in my situation was in the process of a custody dispute. Their divorce had been granted with joint custody. OW was an alcoholic and only got worse, being verbally abusive to her children, drinking during the day, driving her kids while drinking, sleeping with a neighbor in the same bed with her 6-yo daughter... you get the picture. Her husband filed affidavit after affidavit every time there was an incident. In the end, he was awarded FULL custody and she only got SUPERVISED visitation.

There are ways to get it into the record for the Judge's review.

Once the attorneys become involved all bets and promises are off. It usually gets ugly fast. Make sure your attorney is a pit bull, a men's rights supporter and clearly understands your goals for this divorce.

Stay in a very dark Plan B throughout the process. You and the kids do not need her added drama. And there is soooooo much more of that to come.

She melted down in a huge pity fit a few weeks ago? You ain’t seen nothin yet!

Stay dark and protect the kids. You are all they have.

FULL custody means that you are the custodial parent. They live with you etc. However, even with that the non-custodial parent still has regularly scheduled visitation and the right to have a say in matters concerning the children's welfare, education, health, social, etc., unless there are extenuating circumstances (severe abuse, neglect or abandonment) and visitation is supervised.

Chrisner is 100% right on about this.

Ask any divorced men you know who lost everything who their wife's lawyer was, then hire him/her.

Oh gee, I totally missed this! No, no, no! Do not meet with HER lawyer. Bad move IMHO. Get your own. Look up the state bar website for your state, ask friends for a referral, ask STRANGERS for a referral (JK) but please don't do this. A lot of attorneys offer a FREE consultation and in your situation, I can see them going after your wife for YOUR attorney's fees and winning.

ITA with PM.

Also keep notes in your handy-dandy notebook about the things that stbxw has said she'd take care of.

When I was speaking with an attorney, she said that we might not be able to hold the Wookie to his promises, but at the very LEAST it would show that he made promises that he didn't intend to keep.

I agree with chris, too. Plan B - you don't need the drama. Just do what you need to do.

FWIW, I think she is lying about the pregnancy. Just more manipulation.

She thought you would RESCUE her again. Then she could innocently explain she was mistaken. Due to her high stress level during this time, she missed periods and really THOUGHT she was.

Protect yourself and your children.

She needs to get some serious help before she has access to ANY children.

Fox

PM, You misread the statement about the attorney. SHE is MY attorney. WW has agreed to use her also to settle any disputes and file papers.

This attorney represents ME (in the adoption as well), but can serve as the lawyer handling the divorce. Basically, I take it that WW will be giving up ANY representation if she agrees to my demands with MY attorney.

She is NOT WW's attorney!

Do you think I can really keep the kids away from her entirely???

Do you want to?

I think that...right now at least, it is in their best interest to not be FORCED to spend time with her.

She is too volatile and her moods are too unpredictable. Remember the events a few Friday nights ago? That was the last time WW really had them for a visit...and it lasted for about an hour before she was kicking them out and threatening to burn their pictures!

Long term...I want them to see her when THEY decide they want to and when she has demonstrated some sense of stability.

I remember all of it, Ab.

If these were MY kids I think that I'd ask for supervised visitation AT THE LEAST.

I also would request a home study for her house, and a psych eval for her.

Again...

At...

The...

Least...

Oh sorry. Whew! This is good.

I don't know that you'll be able to keep the kids away from her entirely unless you can PROVE some severe abuse. Her being MEAN to them I don't think will cut it, even though we both know that was abuse as well. But maybe with your documented incidents shown TOGETHER, you may have a chance. Ask your attorney.

If you can prove her instability... that might be another way to go. The guiding rule for the courts (usually) is what it is in the best interest of the child.

How soon 'til you think I should tell the kids about her pregnancy? If she's bluffing...that will definely backfire when the kids find out.

I don't want to tell them to upset them, but I also don't want them to think it's okay. They need to see the immorality of it and know their mom's behavior is unacceptable for them later in life. I also want them to know that NONE of this will be that child's fault!

If she tells them, I'm afraid those lessons will be missed!

I would not say a word to them until the pregnancy is confirmed.

What if she is just saying that so you tell the kids and she uses it against you later if she's not pregnant?

Do you have any witnesses to her statement? Does anyone else know?

Be wary.