You PAY for trust?

Oh, man.

You've got alot to learn.

You can't BUY your way into being respected, admired, affection, etc.

Wow.

Fox

Amen to that!

If you want to compare your wife to a cop, let's take it a step further, shall we? If you were caught drug trafficking, and you did your time, the cops would still want to continue to search you every now and then to make sure you are not trafficking again, would they not? And, if you were clean and had no drugs, you would be more than happy to let the cops look in your car so you could show them that you are clean, wouldn't you?

A cop can search my car anytime he/she wants, because there is nothing to find. Why would it bother me?

Just so you know...your wife isn't a cop...but you have been proven to be guilty. You should be letting her search your car (figuratively speaking).

You bet our ideas clash....I think I speak for all that you listed when I say ... thank God for that.

See this is why I asked you (and others) to not respond to my posts. You (and others) do just the things that rub me the wrong way and make me just want to fight. Which I will tell you what will NEVER get me to listen to you.

I deleted that statement after posting it for a reason. But you want to bring it back for what purpose?

Replying to Hu's deleted post...I have read this exchange all afternoon with my mouth hanging open and I am no longer wondering why she took you back, I am wondering why she ever married you in the first place.Maybe it is the written word and maybe you have a few redeeming qualities but you come off aa the most totally self absorbed, entitled individual I have ever witnessed.

I pray this is fog. At least then it might wear off some day.

Say

To show the members that you do listen to just how deep in the fog you are...nothing else.

If you want to get out of the hole you are in (it's obvious you want out of it, otherwise you wouldn't have deleted this post)...you should probably put the shovel away. You can't dig yourself out.

What was the reason for deleting it that you speak of?

The perpose is that you let your hair down with that post, Hu. You showed what you really feel. You showed what your BW is really dealing with. Until you are honest with yourself about what you have done to cause this mess, you can't be helped.

Listening to only the comments and advice that you like will not help you either. Listen to all and try to contol your response. Your lack of self control is what got you into this whole delema.

Say

I will instead op for the other option of ignoring you and certain others. People like you bring out the worst in me and cause me to post in the heat of the moment.

I will instead work with people I can effectively listen too. Not necessarily post I agree with either. Since the posts I agree with the most point out most of my failings. But they are done in a manor that does not cause me to react unlike others here.

What was the reason I deleted it? Because after I posted it I knew I did it just to provoke a response. I worded it specifically to do just that.

No she's the judge and the probation officer, and right now hu7668 is on probation.

If we were to ask her, I'm 99.44% sure she would say she didn't want that job, but feels forced into it by events.

Whatever resentment hu7668 has for his circumstance is likely microscopic compared to her resentment for their marriage being where it is today due to his actions.

hu7668, what everyone is saying in one way or another is that the "poor me" song you keep singing. Many different verses, such as she didn't meet my needs, I was in love with the OW, I'm checking in like a child to my wife, etc indicate that you don't really get what damage you've done to your wife.

The wayward mindset is that it's all about them.

Everytime you write about whatever complaint you have about the situation, it demonstrates that you are STILL somewhat wayward.

Marriage is about what you and your wife do to move together.

If you really want to move forward with your life, you have to stop looking at the small picture, which is the look how bad I have it picture.

The bigger picture is your wife, your family and your marriage.

Get your focus off you and how bad you think you have it, and put it where it should have always been, which is on your wife and your family.

You say you earn all this money and buy all this stuff. Or at least that's the impression I get.

Fine, admirable.

What does your wife want? Does she want the stuff, or does she want a close relationship with the man she vowed to love? Does she want you to be defensive and evasive and resentful, or does she want you to open up, to be vulnerable, or what?

Marriage really isn't about what you want. It's about what your wife wants FIRST, then what you want.

An example. My wife and I wanted to celebrate a special event and she wanted me to choose a restaurant. I came up with a couple of places that I thought she'd like. One we've been to before, and another that I've been to and thought had good atmosphere. When I asked her, she didn't want either.

Did I insist that she had to pick from those two? Of course not. I asked if she had another suggestion. She did, I called and made reservations immediately.

We enjoyed a 2 hour fondue dinner that night.

I was happy to do this for her because I love her.

I didn't sit there and say, man I really wanted to go to that Japanese restaurant and watch them play with the knives right at our table. I was pleased that I could take her someplace she wanted to go.

Right now, she is willing to be your parole officer.

Don't resent it, be thankful you didn't find your bags on the street and a process server at your workplace.

If you love your wife, do the work. Don't be bitter, be better!

I've been reading this post on and off all day. I'm not a veteran like many of the other posters here, but I'm surprised at your defensive reactions to the great advice you're being given.

Why would you put yourself in a situation to get "hit on" by going to a bar if you have previous problems with temptation? Why not invite your friend to your home?

Why are you rejecting the idea of "checking in" with your wife? That is the LEAST you can do in this situation. I would gladly give my wife a pair of binoculars and map out my entire day for her so she could follow me if it meant earning back her trust.

Why would you reject the advice of people that have been in your situation and know the pain and destructiveness associated with infidelity in marriage?

I'll be honest, I don't understand men like you. You had an affair and now you feel entitled to your wife's unconditional trust and forgiveness? What? You can't honestly say that that makes any sense whatsoever.

Stop blame-shifting and own up to your mistakes. Be a man.

Instead of blaming others for your actions, own them.

Not owning what you say and do only digs you in deeper.

I'm going to suggest an exercise. You told me before that you were more about logic and reason than emotion, so I'm going to take you at your word and give you a chance to demonstrate that.

Take an hour and read this thread. I believe you will find a useful truth from everyone who has posted here.

You may not like them all, nor do I believe you will like how some things were said.

However, since you assured us you are all about logic and reason, filter out the feelings and do what you say you do best and deal with facts, reason and logic.

Then, I'd like you to compose a post where you cite every truth you've found and thank the person who wrote it.

I'd like you to find something from everyone on this thread that you are thankful that they took the time to share it with you. Even if it hurt, but you know deep down it's true.

Are you willing to listen and then be thankful, finding the truth, instead of being combative and resentful?

lol...oh you are so smart....you fooled us all with your reverse phsychology...got me...lol. Just when I thought I'd seen it all...lol.

Just so you know, it's impossible for someone else to bring out the worst in you or cause you to react...you do that yourself. Just another example of your blameshifting is all that is. Seems to be your MO in your life, marriage, and now here...it's as clear as day.

No I resent certain styles of delivering "advice". Everyone has a certain style they don't like.


I have never had a problem with temptation at a bar. I find being hit on at a bar as funny, always have. So not a trigger for me. Already had my friend over to the house, he wanted to go somewhere else.

Not rejecting it. Resentment and rejection are different ideas. I will tolerate it but I will never happily accept it.

When someone rubs you the wrong way their advice could be the best in the world but you just don't care.

Never claimed that I did.

Already have done that just not to the satisfaction of some people.

What is the payoff for you in doing this?

Does it make you feel superior to provoke others?

Fox

[/quote]
Already have done that just not to the satisfaction of some people.
[/quote]

The most important of which would be your wife.

It is a habit from another place that I post. Where that is the standard way of dealing with people you don't like.

The real reason is that he spoke what was on his selfish mind, then realized that we would see it as selfish and we would say things that he doesn't want to here. So, instead he decided to hide instead of being a man and discussing his problems.

And, do you feel the need to get so defensive over there too? Seems like a reocurring problem to me.

Even though you are full of crap.