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I feel for you both.

My husband is a sex addict. There was all that stuff, the neglect, the withdrawing, etc in our marriage. IMHO, it's just as bad as an regular affair.

I'm still hurt and yes, it makes for a crappy marriage at times. And Yes, I've thought about having an affair to make my husband hurt as badly as I have.

But I didn't. I didn't move out, and I didn't confide in another male about what was going on. Because no matter what he did, it doesn't give me an excuse to act out by having an affair, no matter if it's physical or not. If I'd have an affair, my choices would be just as poor as his were.

You know, the whole two wrongs don't make a right.

Neither one of you deserve the treatment you've given each other.

Perhaps it would be a good move for both of you to act in accordance with your truths. Wife, had you done that earlier in your marriage, you wouldn't be in the position you are in now. Husband, now is your chance to behave in accordance with your truths.

Guess I must have struck a fear button of the OM (MogRod's Other2) when I mentioned bringing his WIFEY here.

All of a sudden things don't seem so fun here afterall, eh OM?

So you CHEAT with her again, years later, just so you can NOT be proud of it a second time????

Very sound logic.

Great posts, Jo!

Mo,

There's a reason your WW called you this morning and said those hateful things to you.

There's a reason she's come here and tried to disparage MB.

There's a reason she said "she didn't need us" filling your head w/ ideas.

She KNOWS this site and the advice you are getting is a THREAT to her A.

You see, if you take our advice and FIGHT for custody of your son, her A will not feel so wonderful any more.

It won't be fun when she has to testify about how she climbed in bed w/ a married man and destroyed his family...and hers.

OM has in just one post, revealed how low and disqusting he is by laughing at your pain. While your posts have been nothing but loving and open.

The contrast between the two of you must be reeking havoc in your WW's mind.

She's thinking, "Am I making a mistake? How could I be in love w/ a man who would do that to another human being? To my husband? How can I walk away from a man who obviously loves me and wants to try to repair our M? How can I take our son out of his life?"

Her feelings are leading her down the path of destruction. They are guilding her... and will continue to until the "spell" of the A is broken by NC. BUT, those questions will continue to nag at her mind.

I have NO doubts that their A will end.

Know that many are praying for you, Mo!

And please take the advice you were given about your son.

Little kids are molested all the time by boyfriends and adultery partners. I mean, you have no respect for this childs family and no respect for marriage; why is it such a leap to be worried about the safety of mogrods child around you? Mogrod needs to get before a JUDGE PRONTO to make sure this kid is not exposed to you and your sleazy affair.

[u][i][b]Abuse Risk Seen Worse As Families Change[/b][/i][/u]

- Children living in households with unrelated adults are nearly 50 times as likely to die of inflicted injuries as children living with two biological
parents, according to a study of Missouri abuse reports published in the journal of the American Academy of Pediatrics in 2005.


- Children living in stepfamilies or with single parents are at higher risk of physical or sexual assault than children living with two biological or adoptive parents, according to several studies co-authored by David Finkelhor, director of the University of New Hampshire's Crimes Against Children Research Center.

- Girls whose parents divorce are at significantly higher risk of sexual assault, whether they live with their mother or their father, according to research by Robin Wilson, a family law professor at Washington and Lee University. . . .

- The previous version of the study, released in 1996, concluded that children of single parents had a 77 percent greater risk of being harmed by physical abuse than children living with both parents. But the new version will delve much deeper into the specifics of family structure and cohabitation, according to project director Andrea Sedlak.

If OM has any history of sexual misconduct or abuse of children then I recommend running away from him as fast as possible.

Even if he doesn't, OM's are sick individuals. Unrepentent adulterers. Naracistic abusers that can rationalize and justify ANYTHING.

Autistic children make GREAT targets for sex offenders.

The statistics ARE out there (somebody got some[edit: "Thanks, L"])

Child molesters TARGET mothers with small children. Separate the child and mother from the father and then abuse.

Handicapped children are even better as they make terrible witnesses.

Whatever happens NEVER leave OM alone with your child and NEVER have OM sleep in the same home with your child. Give your husband primary custody and he'll likely give you generous visitation WITHOUT exposure to OM's VERY LIKELY abuse.

Mr. Wondering

Yikes!

Mo, does he have a history of sexual abuse?

Is this what your WW meant when she said OM might not look good on paper, but doesn't kill puppies?

Have you run a back ground check on him?

Use it to get a RO to keep him away from your son!

You nailed it Marsh... once again.

BINGO!!

mogrod, get thyself before a judge and get that child protected!!

Have them run a criminal background on this OM and get it legally stipulated that he NEVER be around your child before this child is harmed. Your wife has clearly lost her mind in pursuit of her adultery and cannot be counted on to protect this child.

I didn't think I could feel sicker about this sitch than I already did.

I was wrong.

PLEASE, Mo, protect your son.

Very true Marshmellow.

As his parent, he COULD file a restraining order against OM on behalf of his son using all prior documented misconduct as his evidence.

Also has the added benefit of putting OM on the witness stand in front of judges that likely won't like him.

If he's on parole...his parole officer should be aware that he MAY be targeting a handicapped child.

Mr. Wondering

p.s. - OM's bosses should also be aware of OM's actions. You never know where the decent people who rightly detest and rebuke adulterers are going to be. He could get fired. If he were my employee..I'd fire him on the spot. Continuing that line of thinking....if he's a churchgoer, his minister/pastor should be made aware such that Church Discipline may follow. The pastor/minister has an obligation to protect his flock from such unrepentent adulterers (though I highly doubt this man has any other religion besides his crotch)

mogrods_other, you're not an English tutor/sub, are you?

btw, if you don't work, how will you live? Even in the outside chance you were to retain custody of your son, child support wouldn't even come close to paying for an apartment, car, gas, food, utilities, medical, school, clothes...

mog,

BTW...unless there is a custody agreement in place you BOTH have equal access to your child. SHE does not get to call the shots and BESTOW visitation upon you. Allowing such sets a terrible precedent. It's akin to conceding custody to your adulterous sick wife. Your child deserves better and you are the only remaining moral parent he's got.

I am attorney and I suggest you seek local representation to assist YOU with figuring out this mess and exploring your options. Until something is hammered out by your attorney (NOT YOU as you focus on marital recovery and not ligation)...you ALLOW nothing less than 50-50 custody.

If she won't "allow" this (as WW's are entitled dirtbags who think they get to call all the shots and think they can abuse you, take your kids and make you PAY for their continued misconduct)...THEN you MUST impose it.

The way you do this is...if she keeps your son 4 days and then "allows" you visitation, then YOU get 4 days. If she keeps the kid 8 days, then when she finally comes to her senses and allows you to see the child again...YOU get 8 days. Just don't give him back. She has NO RIGHT to keep him from you nor any LEGAL right to make you give him back (as long as you are FAIR hence the equal day approach). IF she denies you all visitation because she doesn't like you standing up for yourself and your rights to your child then you document THAT too and she'll end up LOSING complete custody of your child based upon the Parental Alienation laws. Typically, with a WW there is some initial hostility to such a plan...but once she meets with a lawyer, such lawyer will INSIST that she not make the mistake of denying you any custody or visitation.

Don't allow her to manipulate and gaslight you into accepting anything less than your RIGHTS allow. Stay calm and insist upon them.

Another upside. IF she ends her adulterous affair and you get a shot at recovery. Standing up for yourself garners her respect and will aide in recovery (because you won't appear the wimp that totally put up with her crap and ate it too). "Maning Up" as we like to call it pays dividends in recovery (marital as well as individual since YOU will respect yourself more looking back someday regardless of the outcome).


REGARDLESS, I still think you should be filing a restraining order against OM prohibiting him having any contact with your vulnerable child.

Mr. Wondering

Absolutely!

Here's the quote from his WW that I was referencing earlier.


Clearly, his boy is in danger.

Mr. W,

Since money is a concern for Mo right now.

Would Mo have to hire an attorney to file a RO on OM to keep him from his son?

Could he file w/o an attorney?

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Wow! Our "marriage values too!"