Here's the situation. My wife has been having an emotional affair with her supervisor. The way I found out was by finding some text messages on her cell phone. One message said "I miss you too. I love you."
To make a long story short, we still love each other and are going to work things out. She swears to me that the "affair" did not get physical. She told him that I knew and, according to her, he was very sorry that this happened. Then, she requested to be re-assigned to a different supervisor in order to limit the interaction between her and him.
Here's my problem: I'm torn as to whether or not I should confront this man and tell him to stay away from my wife. I also want to make sure his wife finds out, even if I have to tell her myself.
The other thing that I'm struggling with is wandering if this man is truly sorry or if he was just a jerk trying to get lucky. Because, if the latter is true, I definitely want him to suffer.
Please offer any advice before I lose my mind!

Welcome Mikey,

Have you read the information on this site? You need to do that if you have not. Also order the books.Surviving an Affair and His Needs Her Needs.

You will find that all affairs are basically the same no matter how special the affair partners think they are. Can you give us a little more info. How long have you been married? do you have children? Any history of infidelity for either of you?

God's blessings,

Say

We've been married for 16 years. Have two daughters, 8 and 11. No history of infidelity. I am in a music ministry that brings a lot of attention to me and takes a lot from her. This is part of the reason we're in this situation. She feels she has no identity.
I've been uncomfortable with this man the last few months but didn't think much about it because I have female friens too and it's completely innocent. But with this man, something just didn't feel right. Over a period of months she has received small "gifts" from him, like DVD's of movies he thought our family would enjoy. He just seemed too accomodating.
When I first asked her how long this had been going on, she said "months".

Have you read the information on the site? Dr Harley says it is imperative that APs (affair partners) have NC (no contact) for life. Your wife will never be able to get over the addiction of this A as long as she still sees OM in any way. She must find a new job. Do you no what a NC letter is? It is when your repentant WW (wayward wife) writes a letter to thi sOM explaining that she wants NC of any kind with him for life as it has greatly hurt her H and F and they are the most important things in the world to her. I am paraphrasing hastily but there are examples of those letters in the books and on the boards.

Also, prepare yourself for two things. 1.This was possibly a PA (physical affair)and 2.It has possibly not ended but gone further underground now that you have confronted her. I would dig a little deeper and find out exactly what you are dealing with. Don't bother trying to talk to OM. He knew she was married when this started and does not care. It is also usually pointless to ask your WW. This whole thing was built on lies. Why should she start being totally honest with you now.

You will learn more the more you read about the addictive nature of As and how they change your loving W into a WW that you barely know. Marriages recover from As all the time when employing MB concepts so do not give up hope but be smart.

Keep posting. There is much good help and support to be had here. Most of us have been through the agony and grief that you are going through now and many, many of us are in recovered, healthy marriages.

God's Blessings,

Say

Boy, that's a hard pill to swallow!
I will definitely keep doing some investigating and keeping my ears and eyes open.
I want this marriage to survive and she assures me that she wants the same but I don't want to be naive about this.

Your WW must find a new job.

You must expose OMW.

What's OMW? I'm new with the acronyms.

It means other man's wife and it is imperative that you do this. She deserves to know and she will help you in keeping the two of them accountable.

Again I ask if you are reading the material? You found MB very early. Some of us had made many serious mistakes in dealing with our waywards when we finally stumbled on to the site. Read up on Plan-A. It will save your M.

God's Blessings,

Say

There is a list of acronyms at the top of this forum

I literally just stumbled on this site this morning. I was searching for discussion groups dealing with this situation in hopes of finding some advice.
I will look over the information on this site and will check out the acronym section.

We are glad you did. It may be the best thing that has ever happened to your M in the midst of the worst thing. (: Plan-A away!

God's Blessings,

Say

mikey71,

Sorry you are here, but this is the best place to be in order to Recover your Marriage. The other man's wife does deserve to know about this and you should tell him. As you will read, your wife needs to do a no contact letter that you can read and agree with that states that what she did was wrong and that she is wanting to recover her marriage, etc.

I would do more snooping though, they don't usually tell you everything right away. And if she is saying "I love you", chances are that it is physical as well.

Is there any way at all that she can change jobs? No contact is a serious recovery issue and if she is still working with him, it will be much more difficult, same may even say impossible.

Sorry that you are here (again), but glad that you found us.