Well hate to admit but seems like I am now like the 2nd string. I took her to a nice dinner last weekend and during dinner she says she misses the guy from the group home. Left the table and I went out and had a fifteen minute cigarette! We've hardly talked since much less shared anything else. Betrayal is anathema to me. Am showing my disengagement now, and went to a sports bar with friends to watch the all star game. I just told her where and not why. I just believe I can be 1st string on another team. We're not in our 20s or 30s but 60s, so this may not be relevant to anyone here.

Maybe you could start of with your story. Not knowing what went down makes it hard to advise.

I assume you are the BH, your WW had an affair with OM.

It's natural for the WW to go through a mourning period where the WW grieves over the end of her affair and missing the OM.

It sucks for a BH to hear that from his WW. It's a sign of a WW going through withdrawal for her OM.

Hi, Tom...

Have you read the articles here on the website, about recovery from infidelity, what's required? Not talking about it is not an answer...it may even make you want a horse and backpack instead of a wife.

Be good to yourself...don't double your betrayal by betraying yourself and sideswiping this very important issue, 'k?

How long have you been married? Has she been bipolar the whole time you've known her? Would you be willing to do the Love Buster, Emotional Needs and Recreational Inventory questionnaires on this website as a way to talk about it with your WW?

Please listen to The Road...he's right...withdrawal takes time...when was DDay (the day you found out about her affair)? Have you guys sought out any marital counseling? Would you consider counseling with the Harleys (info linked at the top under Coaching Center)? How about ensuring No Contact (NC) between WW and OM?

Did you expose to his family? (GF, wife, parents?)

You sound as if your expectations are due to age...and infidelity doesn't respect age, IMO. Do you want to save your marriage, personally and maritally recovery from this? Solely your choice. You decide. Then you act from your own goal, your choice.

We're here for you.

LA

I'm bipolar. Could I help with anything along those lines? I'm not an expert by any means but I don't mind trying to help.

Have you confronted yet? You stated in your first post that she does not know that you know.