So, an annulment is like a dovorce? When, and how is that done? An honest question...I don't know.

Sorry you feel like that.

I feel uplifted by my own morals and intergrity.

Introvert, Why did you bother to get married if the legal paperwork did not mean something?

You seem to skip over a lot of questions that I am assuming you don't want to answer, but I would really appreciate it if you would take the time to answer this one.

Who's standard are you referring to? Who is the someone else?

Not exactly.

An annulment states that the marriage was never valid is the eyes of the church. It never existed.

You can apply for an annulment after a divorce. It goes to a tribunal and can take up to a year for a decision.

The WS's standard. (ie he/she cheated so I can.)

That's not making fun of your religion.

I simply stated a fact, based on what you said about the Catholic church's stance on divorce.

That stance would mean that the OMW in my situation would have to either stay married to OM, or defy God.

I got married, because I thought that I had found someone who would love, honor and charish (sp) me for the rest of my life. If there was no "paperwork" or "legalities" involved in marriage, I still would have married her.

If there was no paperwork involved in the marital process, would you not have married your spouse?


I assure you that I'm not skipping questions for any reason that you are eluding to....I have nothing to hide.

Okay, so after doing this big full circle and getting the semantics over with, i'm going to assume that infidelity is a valid reason in the Catholic Church to get an annulment (considering God said that it's okay)....

Do you think that God at any time stated that it's okay to get an "annulment" if your spouse commits infidelity..."but, only after your lawyer talks to your WS's lawyer...then after your WS contests the divorce...then after the lawyer takes 5 grand out of your pocket so the divorce can actually go through...then after the judge pushes the court date back because of over booking...etc,etc,etc....?

I would think that the bible didn't really account for these current day prblems in the divorce/annulment system.

Not correct from a catholic perspective. Infidelity does not invalidate the marriage therefore I cannot answer the second part of the post from a catholic perspective.

I'm not evading your question but I really have no answer.

Intro:

Your arguing against the accepted standard.

And expecting a different result.

Krazy is right. BS knowing the pain and having an RA and should KNOW better is hogwash. It's violating your own vows.

Your trying to justify your actions.

And then trying to say because you are getting beat up on THIS issue that your not getting "support" and others who are "worse" are getting support. Tell that to Hu7668.....

Your getting beat up on this issue because your on the wrong side of it.

Your recommending this course of action to others, since you did it, and against the accepted MB standard, IS foggy on your part.

You might not see it now, but you will.

No excuse that you didn't know about MB at the time. You were still breaking YOUR VOWS, irrespective of what the WS maight have done.

Your doing the right things to recover your marriage, and I commend you for that. This wasn't one of them. When you quit trying to justify it, and accept that it was wrong, then you will start concentrating on what is important.

Just my .02.

LG

Hey Intovert,

I've been in an active Revenge A for almost three weeks. My WW knows about it, and has said to end it, and she said we'll just deal w/ it then move on. I know I spoke to her and on here about my temptations. Then, I did get involved w/ a OW while my wife was out of town to let me deal w/ her A. She was gone for three and a half weeks. She is very sad for what I did and feels like she caused it w/ her A. I will say it did take my mind off her A, and moved me into a weird situation as the OW is a high caliber person just like my wife and I. She wants me to be w/ her and not w/ my wife. Its not like a one night stand. We actually have a relationship already. I know people think a BS is vulernable and lacks judgement, but I think this is more than that unfortunately. Has anyone else out there gone through the Revenge A that actually turns out to be more? Its crazy and gets more complicated by the day. It sure has taken all those images away, but cause more pain for my wife. I really feel sorry for her. She wants everything to fall back in place, but life doesn't always work that way.

I do accept that it was the wrong thing to do.

When did I state otherwise?


This really isn't the purpose of this thread anyway...the purpose was that I am challenging the blanket "revenge" tag that all people in my position seem to get labelled with.

Wasn't it you that said that he broke up with his GF, because of reocurring feelings for your WW?

I don't know if it's always called a 'revenge affair' here, but all adultery (whether or not your spouse cheated first) is still adultery and wrong.

Do you think it's ok to have sex with somebody other than you spouse?

Do you think it was OK for the woman you had the affair with to have sex with a married man?

Those questions have NOTHING to do with who your spouse is, what your spouse has done (or has failed to do), or what the state of your marriage is.

Also, are you 100% sure that the woman you had the ONS with was fully aware that you were just using her for sex and had no interest in a relationship with her?

If this ONS sex/OW supposedly meant so little, why would you risk your health for it? Don't you know how many STD's people who'd agree to a ONS coudl be infected with?!?

Does it matter to you that she might have become pregnant and you would therefore be creating a baby that would need support and would deserve to be brought up in a loving home with two parents (or might be killed by abortion)?

There really is no such thing as 'casual sex'.

Myabe it doesn't feel like your motive was 'revenge'...
So what?
WHAT WAS your motive, then?

And what did you expect the posters here to respond to your adultery with?

Nope?! No GF involved at all in my sit.

I haven't been on in a while because I got into an A myself and know how people on this forum blast you for Revenge A's. I was just thinking about it early on, mentioning it here, and getting ripped. It made most of the thoughts/images go away due to the intensity of the A. I will say that, but I probably fell out of love w/ my wife. Not the best tradeoff, but it quickened the healing processs. I would recommend it to noone.

Is it adultery when the divorce papers are signed and all that is left is the mandatory waiting period to make them official?

That situation is very common here in Maryland because they have a one year waiting period. I met a woman who had done all the paperwork and simply was waiting out to make it official.

It was over and done with. There was zero chance of reconciling because he cheated and was abusive.

She was dating.

I have a personal friend who did the same. All papers were done and filed, it just wasn't official till the time passed.

Heck, technically I'm still married according to the Catholic Church so it can be argued that I haven't gone through the annulment process so I'm still married by church standards.

Just wondering what others think. I think this is a fuzzy line.

It's not fuzzy when there's no divorce process in place or even started or done. That's easy. I think it's harder to say it's adultery when all the papers are done and it's simply a waiting period that is left.

I foresee some hair-splitting about to happen.