Or ask G-d to help reveal it to you and wait for the answer while you are silent.

Yes - - you are right on the money there, Queenie!

Thanks!

You taught it to me babe....

I still want that chardonnay, so instead, I'm dragging my sore big butt, down to starbucks to meet my sponsor and hitch a ride to a meeting.

Catch ya later...

Have one relaxing evening for me.

But IF you allow him to CAKE-EAT, you prolong and enable his waywardness....

Take this into consideration...

I believe in being PROACTIVE and PLANNING...

Hi Bugs,


... not to mention the waste of brain cells on a WS!

Dark dark dark

Drac is HUNGRY for CAKE and he KNOWS how to get to BUGSY...knows just what to DO and what to SAY...he's on the PROWL..and will get off on knowing that he has had an EFFECT..is hoping that the CELLPHONE talk is working...YUCK...and it almost HAS..I mean, look at you, Bugsy. You CONSIDERED calling him on the phone when he threw out the BAIT...DOUBLE YUCK..

BUGSY..put up your guard..

YOU NEED a SHIELD along with your CAPE and SHADES...

At this point, Bugsy, I see plan B as a WIN WIN situation for you. The darker you are, the more your winnings.

So, put on those RayBan's to block out that Drac.

The fact that you considered TM'ing Drac when it was totally unnecessary is telling. Don't do it. I don't know why this test was placed before you this evening, but you have passed so far. KEep chuggin along.

Oh, hugs to DSS. He must've been really frightened.

Ooops, Bugsy considered TMing him...not calling him..

As my boys say: "An alternate means of communication"...

YOU, YOUNG FOLK, YOU...

(rolling eyes behind the SHADES)....

Hi Bugs,


Yep...I would agree...Drac is wanting to tempt you into stroking his ego, and see if you will find an 'excuse' to call him...DON'T!

It's a test in auto-discipline, and choosing the healthier route...DARKNESS!

Luna:

I'm not disagreeing with you...cause PART of this IS about stroking his ego..ADMIRATION NEED..I'm a GOOD DADDY, etc., etc.

But I want to make sure Bugsy GETS this..

It's about MEETING HIS EMOTIONAL NEEDS...that's what he is NEEDING and WANTING from BUGSY..

I find it so INTERESTING how this is INDICATIVE of the HARLEY THEORY in ACTION...

Plus, DRAC, seeming to be quite a CASANOVA, is being SEDUCTIVE..taking the INDIRECT ROUTE at this...

Basically, it boils down to the OLD CAT AND MOUSE GAME...

Bugsy has to REMAIN the MOUSE...and the CAT is on the PROWL...

Morning!

Sorry I had to duck out last night - - DSS and Ladybugs needed some Mommy time.

So, let's re-cap the actual actions.

Thursday night email from Drac

Bug's response - Dark. No reply

Friday TM from Drac.

Bug's response - Dark. No reply

Friday night DSS stiches -

Let DSS talk to Drac.

No request from Drac to speak with Bugs

No TM or direct communication from Bugs to Drac - even though I was tempted because of it being an 'emergency' type sitch involving the kids.

I thought about the TM because if I were in Drac's shoes, I would be upset and worried - - I would want details from the adult/parent.

Then, I realized that Drac had the opportunity to ask to speak with me if he was THAT concerned. He didn't ask, so I guess it wasn't that big of a deal

Or

More likely it's another thing to 'blame Bugs' for - - That I didn't call him myself when it happened. Well, I guess I'll just live with that blame on my shoulders along with everything else.

Of course, if he really is so concerned, why isn't he here to see DSS? I notice he didn't jump in his car to drive home, now did he? Honestly, it's NOT that big of a deal for a 14 yr old boy to get a few stiches. But as a Mom, I doubt I could handle not being here a.s.a.p. to see for myself, but that's just me.

I did have a good talk with FIL. He asked about the kids, and specifically about how DSS is doing in summer school. Apparently Drac isn't sharing anything with him either. I updated him best I could. I told him that really all I could tell him was how things are when they are with me - and that is seems better with the Ho gone.

He said all he knew was that she was gone. Drac came to FILs to spend the night when she moved out. That's all he knew. I guess a few folks know about it at work. FIL commented that Drac needs to 'get himself straightened out.' I replied, "well, I just don't know what to say about that Dad." I left it at that and changed the subject back to the kids.

I am going to spend some time going back and reading all of the MB principles again. It's time for a refresher dose for me.

I do want that man who is willing to swim oceans or climb mountains for me. If it is Drac, then Plan B is the way to place myself in the right position to observe if he is willing/capable of trying to do any of that for me. Right?

As they said in Cool Hand Luke, I "gotta get my mind right". And as Queenie reminded me, I need to go to God with this and keep it where it belongs,,,, in His hands.

Today will be some yard work and house work. Later, taking the family to the races. It's going to be a late night! Maybe I'll fit in a nap this afternoon.

Mimi,

About this -


I see what you are saying - - yet I see it as the cat just wants to possibly 'play' with the mouse, as there is no other entertainment with which to fill his time right now.

And

He's not on the prowl for real sustinance. He's not really looking for what is important to his existance in this prowling around the mouse.

And

What happens if the cat thinks that by the mouse staying completely hidden that the 'chase' isn't worth it?

Just some meandering thoughts,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Hi Bugs and Mimi,


I would agree....if OP is out of the picture... a VOID has been created for someone to fulfil EN...

Should a WS meet at least the minimum PBL terms: (1) N/C with OP and (2) committment to recovery (with remorse and regret to follow) before it's safe for BS to break Plan B? I think so.

Drac meets condition (1) by default... and not requiring (2) would be 'lowering' standards....and which I think is one reason why affairs happen in the first place...

...so I am with you MIMI.... no reading between the lines and making it easy for him... he needs to EARN his way back... show that Bugs is VALUABLE to him and be made to feel special, and anybody else just won't do ...

...because M recovery WILL require a lot of effort (at least that's what I have been told..LOL!)....so I say DARK is the route to go...

(PS: cross-posting happening on hot thread!)

Hi Bugs,


...I don't think it matters what the cat thinks...

...do you think you are worth the chase?

...if so, it's a risk I think you have to be willing to take...if you are looking for 'substance'...

Bugs,

I have been working in more detail through the last of my AA steps. If you aware please forgive me, or indulge me. The 11th step is sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with G-d as we understood him, praying only for his will and the knowledge to carry that out.

Lately I had been stepping up my prayers to G-d to bring WH down and have him be destroyed or hit rock bottom. One might consider that prayer a little too selfish. So one way my sponsor told me I could pray was.

G-d you know what I want, you know what WH needs, can you make them match?

This is a great prayer because we are being honest in our soul to G-d and yet we are seeking HIS will.

Just a thought.

Hey Luna!

The one thing I AM sure of is that I AM worth it!!

My weekend keeps getting better and better -

Ladybugs wakes up and tells me she has a 'bump' in her mouth. It's on her gum.

Abcess.

Called dentist and am taking her in this morning!

Let's hope that *I* am not next to fall victim to needing emergency care this weekend!

Now another dilema with what/when/how to tell Drac about this??

I'll check back later,,,gotta get ready to go.

Queenie

sorry I missed your post - -

I am sort of familiar with the steps, and I am SO proud of you for being where you are in the process. Good for you!

thanks for the prayer suggestion!!


gotta run,,,,,,,,,

Have an awesome day GODDESS

If LadyBugs winds up having to take antibiotics, that would be a good way to tell Drac, by talking about dosing and such. If there will be any aftercare that will need to go on into his visitation, that is when you tell him. Otherwise, it's not an emergency.