I am not sure where to post this. Any advice will be a huge help. My wife and I have been married for 7 years. We have two great kids. However, things have changed over that time for my wife and I know much of it is my fault. The only thing is that I am not sure how to fix it.

My problem is, well, communication. However, it is not the listening that is the problem but rather what I say. My wife is the type of person where the small things are what matters the most. Things like little comments, random flirtation, etc... The problem I have is that it is hard for me to be that way but I need to be for my wife.

I am typically very shy and not outspoken and for whatever reason become easily embarassed when it comes to making small comments (even though we have been married for 7 years there is just a small fear of rejection and embarassment). Basically it makes my wife feel good and special when I hit on her. It gives her the emotional attatchment that she needs.

This is an area that I am very week in. Recently I took a job as an airline pilot. The time away that I have been in training has allowed her time to think and to realize that I just do not provide those emotional necesseties to her. She is considering divorce and seeking outside flirtation from other people. Neither she nor I want a divorce becuase we were not raised that way and bibically God does not approve. However, some things need to change. The problem is that after seven years the damage has been done and I am not sure how to break myself of these habits of shyness and be able to give my wife the love and attention she desires and needs.

I am not sure if I have provided enough information or if there is anything that can be done. Does anyone have some advice or sare similar conflicts?

First, the time you were away... Was it time she was able to think or time that she used to get her emotional need for admiration and conversation filled elsewhere?

If there is an emotional affair going on, you need to confront her with this behavior. If necessary get the church involved. The reason is this: If she's getting her needs met by someone else, it's going to be really hard for you to fill them and make headway.

Have you read the basic concepts on this site? If not, do so. Then, go get the book His Needs/Her Needs. Many libraries carry it.

The good news is that you can start making deposits into your wife's lovebank. You can restore that "in love" feeling although she won't believe it.

I agree with above, but I'll address your other question.

When my husband and I were trying to work things out I had to overcome some of my reservations. Start small (doing something is better than nothing, right?). If she wants flirtation, and you're too shy to speak... can you do a wolf whistle? Could you just pop or pinch her bottom as she passes by? (with those two you don't even have to be facing her)

I have a pink shirt that my husband thinks I look good in. Every time I wear it he says "Ah, the pink shirt... I love it when you wear the pink shirt". This way he's saying I'm pretty/sexy in a sly sort of way. Sometimes I wear the shirt, just to get the compliment!

Just think of something/anything you can do and start doing it. You'll eventually get into the habit and your confidence will grow to do more things.

Thanks for the information.

Yes, she did confied in me last night that she was becomming emotionally involved, or at least recieving emotional attention from an "old" friend. I am still away on training for a few more days. Been gone for 7 weeks straight which is tough. It is during this time that she discovered that I no longer meet her emotional needs.

The problem is I cannot determine if her complaints are valid or just an excuse. She really wants to be treated as though we are on our first date everyday is what she says. She feels that other "men" give her that attention all the time and why does her husband not do the same. So she consideres these inadequicies as the two of us not being compatable.

The other problem is that this is often an ongoing cycle; about every two or three months. She keeps offereing me a chance to leave if I no longer feel that I can be the flirtatious person she wants me to be. It almost seems that by her saying this and telling me she is talking to other men she is trying to get me mad enough to leave. I just don't know what to think, or do and cannot figure out what is going on.

It's problably a combination of legitimate complaints and excuses.

I suggest you get into marriage counseling asap. Also, call your pastor now. Fill him in on the situation and maybe someone can talk to your wife.

Sounds like the job and the time away isn't helping either. As the old saying goes "absence make the heart grows fonder".