I know the clinical answer to this so perhaps it's just a whine. It has been well over a year, I've succeeded financially (actually better than when I was married), I have supportive friends, I've started dating, I've got a variety of projects around my house to work on, I even kill my own spiders. So why do I still have bouts of sadness? And I am still angry with the jerk - to the extent that any time something goes wrong I STILL manage to twist it around to blame it on him even though it is completely impossible.

There are no specific triggers. I rarely see him anymore and haven't spoken to him in months. I hear very little about his and OW's life. Just every now and then I get down about it. Then I chastise myself for being sad about that cruel, lying, cheating, thieving sack of $--t and then I get angry. Life would be a lot more peaceful without it.

Any tips for this?

I get the same feelings. And it doesn’t come across as very nice.

This morning I spoke to a woman, now in her thirties who was a victim of rape at 15 and I think there are similarities in that you are the victim and he will not apologies, will “stop” and will not offer just compensation, and no justice will be done. In that sense, I believe I will have to just adapt to the hurt, the injury, the injustice perpetrated against me and my marriage. The courts will not look at fault.

And society is being complacent and enabling to a great degree. I feel hurt buy those who say things like “You were just not made to be together” or other rationalisations like that.

I adapted to the death from cancer of my first wife and I’ll adapt to this. That was a major injustice against her and me. Things will fade away and the consequences will blur into my life. I live the day and play the cards I have been dealt with and make the very best of them.

This is my present experience, hope this helps you a little.

Thanks. I do know that this will fade away in time. It just drives me nuts now. Sometimes I think the biggest thing standing in the way of myself and personal recovery is myself. I should not let these things get to me so much.

Since my divorce, there are many more good days than bad now.

I too am far more financially successful, have made many new friends and enjoy life more.

However I do get angry sometimes over things that are a total travesty, like missing SS's birthdays, teaching him how to drive, going on vacation, Christmas and family things she chose to flush down the commode.

The key is SHE chose this.


I think we'd feel much better if we witnessed the total failure of the EXS.

Pariah, those are legitimate things to be angry about. I was furious with WStBXH when he forgot DS's birthday and stood him up on Father's Day so he could spend it with OW's DD. What drives me nuts is when I get angry for nothing. For example, my refrigerator light burnt out but it's in there too tight for me to unscrew. I'm afraid of breaking the bulb and electrocuting myself. Now I'm waiting for my neighbour to come home so he can try it. Really, it's a minor hassle in the grand scheme of things but everytime I open that fridge door to darkness, I curse WSTBXH for screwing the d*** thing in so tight I can't get it off!!!! Thing is, I really don't recall it ever burning out before and it could very well be the original bulb that came with the fridge. But reason doesn't seem to apply to these emotional outbursts of mine!

You are a woman, you are going to have emotional outbursts!


The light was too tight because the tempature in the refrigerator causes the parts to contract, thus making them tighter.

Then again, maybe the a-hole just put the dang thing in too tight...

(Trying to elicit a laugh...)

Actually, maybe it's kind of good to be able to blame everything on your ex. You don't really, otherwise you wouldn't have written the post the way you did. But in fits of frustration, it's HIS fault.

BTW, sometimes you can use a tennis ball to unscrew the base of bulbs once the bulb has gone broken. And you can avoid electricution by unplugging the fridge.

That's the mixed bag of being divorced. One gets annoyed that one has to do stuff one has a clue about, but once one does, one feels 1000 times better about oneself.