You have no responsibility to pay for dinner for a birthday dinner for your husband, his adulteress and her kids. Don't even go there.

Believer,I think you misunderstood me, I meant if the boys want to buy WH a birthday present I will have to give them money...

This morning I checked DS15 cellphone messages(you might not agree that I do this from time to time..but DS15 is at a very vulnerable age and has a friend that I don't trust)OP had sent him a text message on saturday..."Hi you 2...its your dads birthday on fri..and DS18 dance on sat...hope you can join us for dinner on thurs...miss u guys xxx"
Why is SHE texting my kids,they don't even like her!!WH phoned them last night to ask them about dinner on thursday..she had no reason to text them on SATURDAY!!!Also what has DS18's dance got to do with OP???She's trying so hard to rope my kids in.

Anyway as I was driving to work this afternoon I passed OP driving WH's car AGAIN!!I mean,what are the odds of seeing her!!Is God punishing me or what!!!Freaks me out..

Last year this time(7months into the affair)OP text my kids to say she wanted to fetch them from school to surprise WH for his birthday and they can sleep over and she will take them to school the next day!!I said no and of course the boys wanted to go so I let them.I did text OP to say ask ME next time as I am their mother.She replied"they are WH's boys as well.."
I was so upset...
I can only hope that ..the wheel turns quickly...

You just have to hang in there. The adultery partners always want to insert themselves into the betrayed family. My ex's OW showed up with him at all of the family celebrations that I used to go to. She even came to my BIL's funeral! He was a dear friend to me, and she had never met him.

So just expect that she will continue behaving crassly.

Now is the time to stay out of any kind of drama, and let the affairees start fighting it out. Don't let them have YOU to focus on.

I can't say anything to DS15 about OP's text so I'll just be quiet...
I so hope that they are fighting and stressing...but WH just loves to blame me and cos I won't ok the loan it gives them a reason to blame me for their difficulties at the moment,not that I would change my mind for anything!

All I am concerned about is my boys and my relationship with them..and I hate when they go to WH cos I can see they are a bit unsettled when they come home again especially DS15.Its like I have to pick up the pieces again...
OP has A LOT to lose if WH leaves her so she'll hang in there for all its worth....

I am just relieved that I can get on with my life no matter what...

And that is key for your happiness, no matter what happens.


And once your boys are a bit more mature (DS15) they will be even more grateful to have such a strong Mom. They will know what you have done for them and the family. It sounds like DS18 understands this somewhat now. DS15 will get there.

Is there a grand march for DS18 prom? It would be so fun for you to see all the kids come thru and look at how grown-up they are getting to be.

The matric dance is a big occasion ..cos its a co-ed school they must take a partner from their grade.The school rolls out a red carpet with stands on either side at the entrance to the school..they jokingly call it "the oscars".The kids arrive in all sorts of smart cars...they don't actually have the dance at the school but at a function hall/hotel.After the dance they go to THE AFTER PARTY ..which is where they really let their hair down without teachers present.The SRC(students rep. council) choose the venue...a night club in cape town which they book out for the night...from there they go to a restuarant for breakfast.....DS18 and 6 friends(3 couples) have hired a limo to transport them everywhere including the breakfast and home so I don't need to worry about drinking and driving...18 is the legal age here to drink....I will take plenty of photos and maybe I can post them here with DS18's help!!!
DS18 said if WH wants to come see him arrive at school,he will tell him not to bring OP..I doubt he will come cos lots of his friends he has ignored will be there watching their kids arrive.WH is too much of a coward!!!

Sounds like a good time. My boys were always very supportive of me, but kind of like "get over it". Now that they are older, they respect me and realize how hard I fought - that includes ex's son.

You will never be sorry that you stood for your marriage, as painful as it might be right now.

I do hope my boys realise when they're older why I'm doing this...I know DS18 says "get over it" cos he hates to see me hurt.He says WH doesn't deserve to come back and at the same time his relationship with WH is ok.
I'm leaving work now (10pm) thanks again for the support and for "listening" to my vents.
I keep thinking my WH is different to the rest in that he definitely won't come back to proud...LOL We will see!!!!

What scares me is that I have thoughts of seriously not been able to take him back...thinking of him being intimate with OP etc...just thoughts..bye for now.

When I got home last night from work I asked if WH fetched them on time after school and they said yes.Later I realised that I had seen OP driving WH's car on my way to work and she was traveling in the direction of their school!!They confessed...OP had fetched them as WH was busy!!I had to bite my tongue...they didn't want to upset me....

Today,the kids were going to stay late after school so they asked WH to fetch them.I thought I was going to be longer at work but managed to leave earlier than I thought.Anyway as luck would have it I saw WH and my kids at the traffic intersection on the way to my house.WH saw me although the kids didn't.I drove down to the beach as I didn't want to see WH.I phoned home before I returned and WH had left...he stayed for a good 30 mins..I was about 5 mins behind them and he must have been expecting to see me pitch up at home with them.I stayed DARK!!
I know its a small thing but I couldn't face WH.

DS15 is truely back to his old self which makes me relieved...
DS18 is really expecting WH to come to his school to see him arrive for his matris dance..I told him not to be dissappointed if he doesn't come...He got cross and said ...do you really expect dad not to come to my matric dance to see me!!..as if I was being bitchy by saying that to him.I know WH won't come,too many friends he'd have to see.

And do you have a plan on how to handle it just in case WH does come?

I would hate to think of you caught completely off guard.

I know you are strong (& getting stronger) but sometimes the unexpected knocks us off our feet.

Are you still planning on doing a working stint abroad?

You've warned him not to be disppointed, and I would leave it at that. Stay out of it. Hopefully hubby will show up.

Good job on staying dark.

My sister is coming with to see DS18 at the school for his dance.Lots of people come not only parents so hopefully I won't see WH.I have no intentions of speaking to him and he beter not thik he can stand with me!.I seriously don't think he'll come though.

Me going overseas is something I will look into next year once I know where I am in my life.Its a way out of financial problems if they arise.

The boys haven't asked me to take them to the shops to buy him a gift.

Last night I spoke to a friend in the U.K who's H had an affair and they divorced..this was a few years ago...he subsequently married the OP,2 years later they're divorced,OP ripped him off and all he has is debt!!Another statistic...

I asked DS18 if he wanted to buy WH a gift and he hesitated.I had made a hair appointment for myself so I said we could go afterwards.I came home at 5pm and the shops close at 6,we would have made it but DS18 didn't feel like going.DS15 hasn't asked so I'm leaving it..I was surprised that they weren't too keen.For my birthday they go to the local cafe and buy me chocolates!WH obviously doesn't remind them or ask them if they want a lift to the mall to buy me a present..

Well I feel like a GODDESS!!Just had high-lites and cut...which was long overdue...used my savings but it was worth it...I am sooo broke!

My friends at work are so sweet,they keep saying things like WH is a fool cos I'm looking
so good...these are female friends too...

At least if WH does ever see me he will realise that I'm not tired and haggard-looking but just the opposite..will know that I'm moving on and coping...

Kids are going to WH tomorrow afternoon till sunday so I hope DS15 doesn't come back with an attitude..
DS18 will come home sat morn cos of his matric dance.

Well GODDESS ( ) how was your weekend? How was the big dance for DS18?

Thinking of you.

Yes, what's going on????????

Sorry I haven't been in touch,computer at home has a virus!!!
I'm stealing some time at work now for a quick catch-up session!!
DS18's dance was a great success....still waiting for photos.He only got home at 10am the next morning!
WH was at the school to see him arrive thank goodness...My sis spoke to him briefly and said he was very uncomfortable and wasn't enjoying himself,he hates crowds.She hadn't seen him for nearly a year and she was shocked at how old he looked.I didn't see him as I was standing with friends.My sis saw him and DS15 and went up to hello...I didn't even look his way.

DS15 had words with me again.He was with WH from thurs-monday.DS15 told WH that I was concerned as I could be black listed if his business went sour.Of course WH spoke his way out of that one and DS15 attacked me once again.I sorted him out though.DS15 said WH asked how I was doingetc..and he just said I was doing very well and that he didn't want to speak about me..

WH is still expecting me to give him this loan as he is paying rental on the premises he wants to use.My lawyer should be back today from leave so I will hear from her soon.I thought to save myself the cost of a lawyers letter I should get my sis to text him that I have decided not to give him the loan?

I bought WH a sweater for his birthday from the kids and he liked it very much apparently.They went out for pizzas and he wore it.I wasn't sure wether to get him anything but decided to be the bigger person.OP's parents went too..OP is really trying to do the family thing..WH never likes a fuss on his birthday...

Anyway, I'm sure things will start to happen now...makes me nervous...
DS18 told me the company that OP works for has offered WH a job..its the same industry(security)that he was in..WH knows everyone in the industry as he has been in it for 20 years.The job would definitely be a step down though.

Must go back to work now..Oh, I have a male friend that is getting to close for comfort..I'm definitely NOT interested though!!

Sounds like the dance was a great time for DS18.

I'm sorry that WH is so toxic to DS15.

BTW I never included my name on WH's birthday present although I'm sure he knew I bought it..

WH used DS18 digital camera to take pics at the school when they arrived ...he only took 1 as the kids walked quite quickly from the limo to hall entrance...anyway I asked DS18 to show me them as he had downloaded them onto his computer...unbeknown to him DS15 had taken some fun shots of OP's kids..and we saw them...there was one of OP in the background and one of her kids lying on OP's BED !!Made me feel ill to see inside the den of iniquity!!knowing thats where WH now sleeps and does you know what with OP!!!
She does have a home thats "not so lovely" inside,don't mean to sound snobbish.....DS18 was angry with DS15 for firstly using his camera and secondly not telling him to warn me...they felt very bad...I just shrugged it off calmly...
The devil has his way of showing up when we least expect it!!I have been fasting this week so I can deal with this......
This afternoon DS15 has been very affectionate towards me,a first in along while..its almost like he needs a day to break free from WH's influence....he actually complained to me about WH over something minor but I got the feeling he was trying to show me he was supporting me in a way...

WH dropped off a bag of things DS15 had left at his house..he left it round the back of our house as we weren't here...we didn't know he was coming..thank goodness we weren't here...
WH has been hanging around a few times that he has dropped the kids off..I just make sure I'm not here,although WH would assume I would be home as I work half-day and he knows when I come home...the boys phone me on my cell when he leaves!!

Hi Hope,

You are doing great. Sorry about the computer messing up, that is always so frustating.

Plan B should be for boring. But you are doing good. It will be interesting how your A handles things, but that is her area, not OURS.

Well the computer is ok now was a trojan virus...DS18 sorted it out of course they blame ME!!LOL
Queenie I knoW staying dark is the best thing for me...I'm actually very scared of coming face to face with WH cos of what it might do to my emotions...so I avoid him like the plague...I explained to a friend how I drive past WH at the weirdest times and it was so uncanny....she said maybe God is reminding WH of what he is losing!!LOL

My friend in the U.K. whose EXH married the OP,and since divorced told her that he was drawn in by OP's admiration and attention she gave him and he can't believe the person he was...sounds like classic WS behaviour.