I just read the article on controlling husbands and it could have just as well been me that wrote that letter.

My story is that I have been married for 12 years..... The first 9 was very stormy. My husband was controlling to the point that he became physical abusive if I didn't follow "HIS WAY". Well I finally got the courage together and anounced that I was going to leave him.... He was devestated and pleaded for forgiveness. At that point my LB was so deep in the Red that I had no emotional feelings left for him.

I became befriended with OM at work and it ended in a PA.

My husband found out and all hell was loose. I have always been a Christian and was ashamed of my actions. I recommitted to my marriage and worked very hard to recover.

Found MB shortly after D-Day and followed every step to the T...

My husband also made a complete 360 change and even through the struggles that he went through we were fine. He was considered to my needs, treated with respect, etc, etc.

But lately he has changed. He is turning back into his old controlling self and I'm just not willing to live like this. he has no concern for my thoughts or needs. When I try to talk to him about it he just says that he doesn't have time for this Bull S#!t and I must stop moaning. My LB is already in the red.

He started watching porn about 5 months ago. We had a constructive discussion about it and he said that he will stop. He lied.... A month ago he confessed that he had an enormous Internet account due to this. 10X more than usual. I was calm, even though he lied to me. We have a joint account and I paid it. Without resentment or anything.

I did however become suspicious and started checking his account. He found out and blew his top. I don't think that he would aver have an A, but I don' know any more.

I cant life like this, but I really do love him.

He will not go for councilling, nor does he think that he is doing anything wrong.

I'm so frustrated that I can scream.

I never thought that we would be back here.

Please give me some advise.

Welcome to MB.

I'm glad your hear and are willing to work on your M. I would absolutely NEVER condone abusive relationships. From time to time I wonder if I was in one. But this isn't about me.

You mention that you are noticing your H changing. Could it be that you are changing too and if you have read on here, that you are slipping back into your "fog", which is a very slippery place for you.

One thing I would recommend, but I am so not an expert is setting up a counseling session with the Harley's. Can you afford to do that?

I think the issue here is YOU. Why do you want to stay with a man that has hit you and verbally abused you? Why do you love such a man?

I am not about to offer opinions as to how to stay with your abuser. I will however suggest that you leave him and file for divorce immediately.

You posted this a week ago..... I'm confused?

Do you have children together?

Dear Queenie

Thank you for your reply. I gave your question a lot of thought and no I haven't changed. I'm only human and also make mistakes, but don't we all. One mistake that I will never repeat is having another A.

The fact that I was responsible for so much heartache due to a very STUPID mistake I made 3 years ago keeps me from even thinking that directions.

I do still get withdrawls, but I know that it is not for the OM, but for the way he made me feel. I know that I can have even better fulfillment in my Marriage, because I did.....

I could never return to being deceatful and lying all the time. That is just not who I am. I worked to hard to rebuild my marriage.

Unfortunately I'm about 150,000 miles away from the Harleys. I would give anything for a session with them though
and my husband refuses to go back to councilling any way.

Thanks again

Dear Medc

Thank you for your reply. If you read my post you will see that I mentioned that he made a full 360 turn then. People can change even abusers.

I chose to forgive him then for his actions as he chose to forgive me for my A.

I have told him now straight that I will not condone his verbal abuse and he if ever lays a hand on me again I will have him arrested.

I cant just throw away my M because of his past actions. Then he could just as well leave me because I had an A. I have 2 kids and our broader family to think about.

Dear tst

If you are confused you can imagine how I must be feeling, because at that point I was happy. Things weren't perfect, but what marriage is. For me it is about give and take and at times you have to give more.

We were having difficulties then already, but I thought that it was just a stage and that we could get through it. Like we had before.

But when he became verbally abusive I realised that I have allowed this type of actions in the past few months and that it was just getting worse. I put my foot down and said that I will not tolerate it any more.

I try to always look at the positive side of a situation and up to a couple of days ago there still was.

It just struck me yesterday that we are back on the old road of HIS way or the HIGh way for me.

Thanks for every-one's replies.

My husband filed for divorce today.....

What? Huh.

Can I tell you I think you and the kids'll be better off?


{{{exws}}}

Oh, make sure you get to a lawyer today. NOW! Before he takes everything. And get some money out of the bank account into a separate account. Don't spend it, just put it somewhere.

Hi Cat

Financially we will be better of. It is just my kids I'm worried about. They adore their father and he is a wonderful father.

I have a good lawyer and have an appointment tomorrow to see him. I think I'm on auto pilot at the moment. I'm sad, but I can't go on this way.

He told me today that this LB thing is to much work for him and that he has been frustrated for quite some time. He never said anything and I thought we were happy. Well ????? Guess not.

I've always had a little nest egg tucked away for "rainy days". I suppose this would qualify.

Thank you for your advise