Well it has been sometime since I have posted so much about myself and my situation here but I think it is important. Though my situation didn’t turn out the way that I had hoped, it still was very valuable to me and I became a better, stronger person and found out that I could love again.
I used to post here as Faith-n-Hope if any of you care to read my full story, but here is a quick re-cap, husband cheated with a woman who he was a superior over in the military, I found out through cell phone conversations. He said it was a one-time thing and it would stop. It didn’t, eventually he moved in with his folks, and then back home…still contacting her, moved in with her, then home then he finally left for good July 4th 2002. One of the best things that I did was go to a MB weekend that we had planned to go to together…I learned how to be strong for ME and my little girl…how even if he did leave it wouldn’t be my fault. My story was very complicated and very soap operatic as the other woman was very brave and brazen in her dealings with my daughter and me.
I know the pain and anguish…I went from a healthy size 4 to a size zero in 2.5 seconds flat. I didn’t know which way was up and I had never felt pain like that before or since. Our divorce was final end of February 2003.
In the mean time between the time he left and the end of the divorce I was healing, I still had so many questions that would never get answered, I never got an I’m sorry, to me or my little girl…I never will as far as I can see. But I am o.k. with that.
An old friend (boyfriend actually) that I lived with in 1993 and I had started talking on the phone and chatting, he had hung out with me and my husband so he knew the situation, he helped me find my feet again. I went to visit him in another state which took my mind off of the situation I was forcefully put it.
On February 13th 2003 he finally talked me into moving to that state for a new start…I had a lot of excuses but they didn’t hold water…packed the u-haul and went.
It has turned into another move for me to Nevada in late 2003, a new career, a house and I am now living with that friend…we are very much in love. I still believe in God and I still have my beliefs, I just have issues I still need to work out between Him and I.
What happened to my H? Well he married the OW and they are living in the house that we bought together…(I pretty much just let him have it when I moved) They were in Iraq together for a year and then he went, I soon got a phone call from her stating that he had cheated on her and that she didn’t understand how he could do that to her or their marriage…I listened…it was hard to not laugh and say “REALLY????” but I didn’t…I didn’t need to rub it in anymore…she is going to Iraq for a little over a year now.
Don’t get me wrong, there is still hurt there a bit, and sometimes I wonder if she thinks about the fact that she stepped into my life and my family and that she is living in my home. For the most part I have healed…but there will always be something to remind me of it…especially when you have little ones. And yes sometimes I still think “what if”, but that is normal, I once had a family, a home and a different life…so it is normal to look back…but to be honest with you, knowing what I know now I don’t want to go back.
But I am stronger than I thought, wiser and I am laughing again, smiling, and loving again…
There is life after an affair followed with divorce, but you do grieve…it is like someone dying, someone you let become part of you, you have to learn to live without that part of yourself and re-create yourself. But after you have processed and you look back it is with bittersweet memories, and you actually are amazed when you realize that severe pain went to an ache and then to a sad smile to being o.k. and then you will find yourself laughing. But those scars are something to be learned from, a painful lesson that no one should have to endure…but looking at it I am able to have a clear conscious in the matter and I am able to come here with a hope to help someone else going through what I have gone through…because there is someone here with a story similar to mine…I found a friend here that had a story that was almost exact to mine and we became phone friends…I love her and think of her to this day.
So take all you can here and use it to help heal your marriage…miracles have happened on here, I have seen it. But sometimes a story ends in divorce and it is for those people that I am saying it will be o.k. no matter what it looks like now.
This is a little scattered I know and if you have questions that require more specifics please feel free to ask or email me.
The end of my story? Still in Nevada, still with my new/old love, broke my neck and back March 2007, still recovering from that, but feel that was yet just another tool to teach me, and you want to know what? I am still smiling.
Love to all of you and I am here if needed.
Muffin Cups
