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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 2,715
Owl Offline OP
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 2,715
Per the title, I'm looking for the "carrot and stick" thread, or even just the most excellent initial write up that was done (can't remember, was that Believer?).

Been a while...but needed it as a reference for someone.

Thanks...and a <wave> to any of the MB folks who care to receive it from me.

Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 3,146
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 3,146
Originally Posted by pepperband
The Carrot and the Stick of Plan A

The carrot of Plan A

Meeting your wandering spouse's emotional needs.

Making "home" a warm and inviting place to be.

Placing emphasis on what has worked in the marriage.

Showing consistent self improvement in areas where previously lacking.

Stop lovebusting behaviors.

Communicating with a calm reassuring voice and relaxed body language, even in the center of a verbal storm created by the infidel.

Becoming the person any reasonable spouse would want to come home to.

Remaining open to the possibility of recovery.

Offering forgiveness and understanding.

The stick of Plan A

Exposing adultery where it matters most. Exposure that takes the form of a swift and sudden unexpected tsunami of truth.

Not appologizing for exposure or speaking the truth in a kind yet direct way.

Directly communicating the hurt and devastation that the affair has caused.

Not accepting blame for the infidel's choice to become adulterous.

Let the consequences of adultery and infidelity fall freely upon the heads of the adulterous.

Establishing boundaries that disallow the affair to effect children of the marriage, financal security of the marriage, and otherwise ruin innocent bystanders.

Standing up to infidelity as a beast that must be slayed for the good of the family.


Plan A is both a *carrot* and a *stick*.

Recovery began 10/07;

Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 86
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 86

Here you go:

Carrot and Stick

Moderated by  Fordude 

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