Hi All,

So, I am getting ready to go to Plan B. My WW (she lost her F...) is now thinking the divorce is in my best interest. She is back in the fog (I suspect after renewed contact) and is thinking of moving in with her sister. She is torturing me right now by saying that 'she hasn't made up her mind yet' but it looks as if she has and she just doesn't want me to upset her plans.

I am going to talk to her sister today. She hasn't been exposed to (I didn't think she would ever talk to her about it they weren't ever that close) and she needs to know the truth of what's going on.. (Man WW going to be pissed again) If she does move though I am thinking of going to Plan B.

I know that there was an example letter on the boards here a while ago. I remember reading it and would like to find it. The search function isn't working.. (AHEM, Admins..... Database error) Can someone who has it saved in their profile link it for me.

I am in a terrible place, right now and could use some prayer and support.

Dear WS,

I apologize to you for my part in creating an environment that helped make your affair with OP possible. I foolishly pursued my career without understanding my responsibility to meet your most important emotional needs. I was not there for you when you needed me the most. We are now both suffering for my mistakes. I am willing to avoid the mistakes I have made in the past and create a new life for the both of us that will meet your needs. But I cannot do that until your end your relationship with OP once and for all.

Until then, I will avoid seeing you or talking to you. I will also not be able to help you financially. Our friends, Jane and Paul, have agreed to help make arrangements for you to visit the children whenever you would like. But I will not be there when you visit. If you want to communicate about the children or any other matter, it will have to be through Jane and Paul.

I ask you to respect my decision to separate from you this way. You must know about the suffering I have endured because of your relationship with OP, and I simply cannot be with you any longer knowing that you are with OP. I still love you but cannot see you under these conditions.

As soon as you are willing to permanently separate from OP and are willing to follow the measures that were suggested to ensure total separation, I will be willing to discuss our future together.

I want us to be able to rebuild our marriage someday. I want us to be able to meet each other's emotional needs and to avoid doing anything to hurt each other. We need to build a new lifestyle in which everything we do makes us both happy. Then there will never again be a reason for us to separate. I want to be your best friend, someone who is always there for you when you need me. And I want you as my best friend.

I loved you when we married, and I continue to love you right up to this day. I just cannot be with you or help you as long as you are seeing OP.

With All My Love,

BS

You have my prayers..hang in there!

It sounds like you should do your Plan B letter soon and not wait for her to continue to dictate the direction that your marriage is going.

So sorry that you are going through this. I hope the Plan B will do what it's intended and you can begin recovery at some point.

Good luck and God Bless!

Thanks, it will be soon. I need to get things in place before I do it so I am preparing. It may be that she forces my hand and moves out before, it also could be that she decides to stay and actually commit to recovery (for good this time) before I get done with my preparations.. (Financial security etc.)

You are in my prayers as well.

Plan B, while is a safe haven for us, has its moments.

So as you work through it, keep coming back here and let us know how you are doing.

Thanks QNL,

I am still floored at the things she has been saying. She is trying to justifying this choice by it being better for me. The fog is back with a vengeance and I am so depressed it's hard to Plan A through it.

We had a good talk last night about what our M should look like if she decides to recover, but she said she doesn't feel she can do that yet. I SO want to go and beat the crap out of OM right now, and I am not a violent person at all.. He needs a good A$$ kicking though. He has two very young daughters (2 and 4) and it breaks my heart to know that he would destroy his family.

Thanks for your prayers.. and yes I'll check in often.

Yes, although I lived in the Bay Area, CA for many years, the wayward fog is something to witness.

They are selfish, self-seeking creatures and unfortunately need to hit rock bottom. If and when that happens, I don't know, but I do know the pain and destruction left in their wake is horrid and I just never realized how peoples lives were and continue to be destroyed for such selfish acts.

Ok, I am still a little ways off from Plan B, but am getting prepared.. I am almost emotionally imploded, and WW is considering moving out and Plan D. (She keeps telling me she doesn't know what she wants to do.. that she is torn.. but she seems to have thought more about D then us... typical.)

I am going to do more and wider exposure.

Here is my plan B letter.

My Love,


I apologize to you for my part in creating an environment that helped make your affair with OM possible. I ignored your needs of conversation, admiration and attention as well as domestic support without understanding that you needed them to love me. We are now both suffering for the mistakes I made. I am willing to learn from my mistakes and create a new life for us that is based on meeting each others needs in order to build love that lasts. I can not do this however until you end your relationship with OM once and for all.

Until that happens I will not be able to meet any of your needs, and will avoid speaking to you or seeing you. I will also not be able to continue to contribute financially. M has agreed to be an intermediary should you need anything from the house. I will not be there when you visit, and if you wish to communicate about anything it will have to be through M.

I ask you to respect my choice to separate from you this way. You know how much pain I have endured due to your relationship with OM, and I simply cannot be with you any longer knowing that that relationship continues. I still love you, but cannot see you while you are still with him.

As soon as you are willing to permanently separate from OM, and are willing to follow measures to ensure that separation remains permanent, I will be willing to discuss our future together.

I want us to be able to rebuild our marriage someday. I want to be able to meet each others emotional needs and to avoid doing anything to hurt one another in the future. We need to build a new life in which everything we do makes us both happy. Then there will never again be a reason for us to separate. I want to be your best friend again, the person that is always there when you need me, and I want you as my best friend.

I loved you when we married, and I continue to love you to this day. I just cannot be with you or help you as long as you are seeing OM.

I love you W,

NRO