Hello well I haven' been on for awhile so you may not remember me but my husband, DRO, has been on but not sure how long ago he was on here. Well, things have been all right for the most part but since he started working as a combat instructor I barely get to see him and it's getting hard. Most of the time he comes home late and I never know when he'll be home not even an estimated time frame. I'll text him occasionally to see how he is doing or find out if he knows when he'll be home and I’ll get the typical reply of "fine and no clue." I stay at home with our 2 yr old son all day long and then once H gets home he basically goes straight to bed. We spend very little time together I would average maybe 1 hour a day he works 7 days a week so he gets no days off. The days he does get off early (earliest being around 2pm) he comes home and goes straight to take a nap then wakes up to eat dinner then goes back to bed. I have nobody around to talk to during the day my only actual friend moved so I'll call family after they get off work to talk but I’m just going crazy.

I try to do what I can to help him after d-day. I’ve been cooking, cleaning, making sure his uniforms are clean for work, staying home to watch our son to save money instead of paying for a daycare. The only thing that decreased again was sex. I’ve been so depressed lately because of everything that sex isn’t on my mind. I know I hurt him and I deserve this but it’s getting hard. I keep telling myself things will get better once he forgives me but at first after d-day it was great. He was so affectionate and loving that I wanted sex everyday. H helped around the house, would cook sometimes, and spent more time with our son but now for sometime things have went downhill fast and hard. We rarely spend time together as a family and even when we do he spends more time talking to friends than with us. I’m trying so hard to keep things together and brush off everything but it’s getting so hard. Everyday I just start crying and I don’t know what to do anymore.

H wants to start going to a marriage counselor now so I hope that helps but if not I don’t know what more to do. I love him so much but I’m so depressed and alone that I don’t know how much more I can handle. Any advice?

Is this your husband's biological child?

no, look at her siggy line....he's OC....

not2fun

no H isn't bio father but has been father since birth

How has your H been handling the OC?

Does that stand for Other Person's Child or something?

This might sound harsh, but now, he has taken you back after knowing about the affair and raising this (Affair Partner's) child as his own, I really think you're too much for asking more. You lost that right when you disrespected your H and your marriage by sleeping with another man.

You should be grateful that he even take you back and accepted the child. First, you were disrespectful and unfaithful, now, it seems that you're just being ungrateful and unappreciative.

Once you have the right mindset without all that entitlements, it might help your depression.

H says he is fine that he loves S no matter what. H says he is S dad since birth and nothing chances that.

Just because he said he is fine, doesn't negate your fault and the situation you have put him in. No man would want to raise a child of another man who has be been sleeping with his own wife over his own child. When he said he is fine, he is fine under the circumstances you put him in.

I never said that this wasn't my fault I believe I said it was. I know this is hard on him and it's not like I'm wanting him to just get over it but I would like to be able to work through this together with him not alone.

Watch it Trustdoe you might get a good wallop over the head. If I decided to rasie the OC in my M I know for a fact my H would love her just as much as one of his own. He gets presents for her and hes always thinking about her just as if she was here. OC is well loved. You might be talking only from what YOU would do. But doesnt mean every guy is like you.

Now Marine,

Ignore Trustdoe. See you and your H have gone thru a great hurdle. And that is working on the M with OC involved. That alone is something to overcome.

I would take him up on the MC and open the communication block a bit. I think it could be worth it. Good thing is that he wants to be M still. Yeah it causes heart ache right now. TRY and get him to at least listen for a moment and see if you can atleast share what you are feeling.

Thanks for not yelling at me for my mistakes which I know is a huge one. I was shocked when he said he wanted to go to MC because I wanted to go for awhile. Hopefully this will help us I really want to get back to how we were.

How was the relationship pre-affair? Any reason you didn't use protection to prevent pregnancy or STDs?

It's going to be hard for a marriage to survive something like this, unless there was a solid foundation before the affair started. I think counseling is the first step. In addition, I think you're going to need individual counseling as well.

The relationship before was good. We joined the military together so we were apart for the first year we were married so it was difficult. We dated throughout hs and right after graduation we left for bootcamp then got married when we were in school. H flew out to CA for a weekend and we got married. Then right after I hit the fleet I deployed to Iraq so we were never lived together until after I got back.

And for a matter of fact I did use protection and I was on BC pills it's not like I wanted to get prego I was only 19 I wan't ready to start having kids.

Him letting you know he wants to go to MC is a way to say hey theres something wrong and we need help!

Why would I get upset with you and yell when I to have OC from my past?

A_pretty_face thanks so much though most of the when I would post on here I always got yelled at and told what a horrible person I was. Like I don't feel like crap myself I have others telling me too. The bad thing about all this, like it isn't bad enough, is H and I didn't know OC was an OC. I used protection with OM and so I assumed that when I found out I was prego that it was my H's. I know it makes it more hurtful to H beacuse he spent this whole time thinking our son was his bio son and I regret that everyday that i didn't tell him about the A sooner but I truely believed our son was H's. It killed me after the dna test was done I still think it was a mistake because it was a mail in test and I want an actual site done test because in my heart i still don't believe it could be true.

I just wanted to say thanks for not dragging me though the gutter telling me what a bad person I was for the A because I hate myself for what I did everyday as is. I wish I could go back but I can't change the past all I can do is look forward and work to make my M stronger. Again thanks.

I know you said your H works pretty hard but have you and him done the EN on here? Have you read HNHN's? I am getting ready to get the book. I havent been able to get any of the reading material yet.

You understand that It wasnt H fault for the A? Pre marriage could have been a factor leading to it but its not his fault. I hope he knows that too.

Did you do an offical NC to the OM? And do what you can at this point to show your H hes everything to you?

If you get another DNA test done do you think it will really prove anything? I feel your M can work but I think theres alot your H is going thru from what was done. Not just that in his mind for awhile he believed the child involved was his. I do not know how fresh the finding out the childs not his but that could also be a factor for H.

This site is so full of information and guidence. When is the MC appt set for? Make sure they are pro marriage. People suggest to try and all the Harleys. We want too but we are having a hard time getting the money for it right now but we plan on it soon.

What have you done for you H since you told him of the A?

We acutaly started reading HNHN before d-day, a chaplin recommended it because of H's new duty was going to be hard. I broke down and told H after we started reading the book. I wanted to tell him for so long but was scared.

I don't blame H at all for the A. I know it was my fault and regret it so much. I do think we weren't ready to be married and only did because we both were in the military and if we didn't we might of been separated, duty station wise, and we didn't want to lose eachother.

I never did an acutal letter after d-day but I did tell OM back in 2005 when I ended the A.

I don't know if another test would prove anything but we did talk to other companies and they have said that this company we went with their test have been wrong before and they have had people come for a second option and the test came back the other way so I don't know. I feel they made a mistake but I don't know if I can handle if the test was right. I wanted to kill myself afer we got the results. We both found on about our son April this year.

We haven't made an appointment yet because he has a class on deck and we have to wait until his class is over. I have thought about calling the Harleys also but same problem here, money, plus with his hours it would be impossible to try to call them until after his class is done and would have to save the money to call them when he don't have a class on deck.

After we read HNHN we did the worksheets and I have been trying to meet his needs but the only one lacking is sex. Which I know is a problem but when he was meeting my needs we were having sex everyday and that is what my H wants. But now he stopped meeting any of my needs and I have still been meeting his all except sex as often as he would like to.

Once his class is done get the appt. You might have to call now to set up an appt because some MC are really busy.

You have alot going for you just keep that in mind. And just keep working on showing your H and being open and honest. Have you told him everything about the A and open and honest since you came clean?

I am a BW and reading your posts two things come to mind.

1, If you are REALLY sure you used protection with OM and since you are so early into this maybe is better to do the test again as soon as possible, or you will always feel that one was wrong and live in doubt and endup doing later and open the wound again. What do you have to loose? Whatever the result you will KNOW and move from there.

2. As a BS, I only have to say it's very early post D-DAY, 3 months for a BS means he is still in a lot of pain, and gradually moving into the different stages, anger, mourning the loss of not only the marriage as it was but also facing the fact that his DS is not his bio son, its quite a lot for a BS.

I suggest you read all you can about the BS, so you can better understand what's the turmoil your H is going thru and better help him.

The fact he is asking for MC means he's lost and asking for help. On the other hand, the fact he's not spending as much time with you... he might just been going thru this feelings of hate, angryness, frustration towards you and he is avoiding HURTING you to avoind more damage to the M.

I believe your H is being very strong. It's really hard for him to be meeting any of your needs right now.

Be patient, give him as much support as you can. Meet all his needs and expect nothing in return. This is just the beginning of a long road for both of you.

Just my opinion as a BS.

Good luck to you and your family.

Honest, yes very honest about it. Basically it was a Q & A. I would answer any question he asked even the more difficult ones to answer. H wanted to know details and it was hard for me but it wasn't about me it was what he wanted to know so I would answer them.