This is my update. I registered 8 years ago on the Boards while my ex was deeply in his EA. We were in MC and our counselor continued to treat us, although W ex H was in daily contact with his "crush". The "crush" had been going on for about 4 years by the time I found MB.

I have a nice little garden apartment in a pretty neighborhood, and though I lost my garden that I had put so much work into because ex got the house (I couldn't afford to buy him out) I have sort of taken over as unofficial gardener here.

Enrolled in Judaism classes preparatory to officially converting to Judaism, after a lifelong interest and passion for the faith. Nearly finished and have to do a few more things before I become "official." Our group is going to Jerusalem in February 2009, special group rate, all the converts who can scrape up the money.

I have a regular spot in the synagogue, camped out next to a 97 year old man named "Frank" and the other women in his harem. (There is no jealousy among us; we just love him and fuss over him.) All of us coach each other to the correct page. Our cantor and rabbi sometimes forget to tell us where to go.

I have a ladies poker group that meets once a month, and a new group of friends who play boggle and scrabble, also about once a month. Most of these friends are members of my synagogue.

Our son is 19 and doing well. He is serving an internship at the Probation office, and likes it. His relationship with my ex (son still lives in the house) is prickly, but I do everything I can to encourage son to be kind to his father.

I work nights caretaking another nonegenarian (91-1/2; 92 in Nov.) for a little extra cash. Mornings I pack fresh salads for lunch & dinner for him and leave them in the fridge, he has really gotten stronger and healthier with my care. Not bragging; it's the truth. Nights I sleep outside his room and because I'm a light sleeper all he has to do is try to get out of bed or call my name & I'm up on my feet. I feel useful and important, he feels very secure and grateful. We play cards every night for about 1-1/2 hours.

Lastly, I did not expose a la Plan A, I stayed too long in a warped plan a of enabling and mostly avoiding conflict with my ex, never went to a Plan B, and I want to urge anyone who is afraid they will make things worse by exposing,

Your Fear Will Not Save Your Marriage.

Plan A and Plan B have a much better shot at that.

Call me - we can go out on a date How does lunch at the Getty sound?

Do you still have my cell # ?

Leave a message if I don't pick up.

Pep

Belle, your life sounds great. It may not be the life you expected or wanted, but you sound like you are doing a lot of good. I bet you are a true blessing to the man you care for. My grandmother had someone with her when she was in her 90's. It makes a huge difference, especially if they'll play cards with you.

Pep, I'd love to do lunch at the Getty with you! I don't have your cell #; in true Belle style it disappeared into the black hole of the chaos of my apartment.
Can't find my cell right this minute. But here's the number:
Belle

Greengables, I am grateful for everything I have now. You have to decide you're going to be happy, and look for chances to be there. My employer is really appreciative of my care, and his granddaughters also, because they can relax knowing someone reliable is with him when they cannot be.

He had spent most of his time reading his email & answering it, and going through his commentaries on the New Testament. Not much interaction with people except for family, and occasional concerned neighbors.

The card game is organized around baseball, and it's the only game he wants to play. It is the one thing he has no problem concentrating on; and so it's good for his synapses and for his mood.

We don't get what we want or deserve always, and I mourned the loss of my home and my marriage and was pretty sad for months when I first moved into this apartment. Things are much better now. I can't believe I lived through such prolonged pain.

Hi Bellevue!

Glad to hear you're doing well in your new life
(my new post-divorce life still in the formative stage).

I have been toying with the idea of doing some elder care, there is a great need for it here, the newspaper employment section ALWAYS has ads with free training, good benefits, etc.
(I'm a little worried about burn-out though and think maybe I should avoid caregiving careers though - no extended family living nearby and daughters still suffering some post-divorce problems).

After so many years of traipsing around with WXH, a few months in each place, because traveling with him to his contract jobs would supposeldy prevent him from cheating again... I am now in a rent-to-own home and can GARDEN again! NO veggie garden yet, just some flower beds so far. Before that I had to be satisfied with helping to weed community, church, and friends' gardens. (I even once volunteered to help trim the tress in the parks LOL.)

I also have been trying to urge posters to do the exposure of Plan A and to do a night-vision dark Plan B (I think it was either MortarMan or RedHat who advised me to do that.)

It's kind of frusatrating to see new posters, and even long-time posters, making mistakes that lead to false recoveries and even divorce.

meremortal, Just know that it does get better.

If you think you might get caretaker burnout and you have three needy children you might be right. This type of job will not go away; when you are ready, the jobs will be there, and so will the need.

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