I realize I cannot do anything right now in recovery as I believe my husband is an alcoholic.
He doesn't believe it, but everyone here seems to think so, I think so, and his own family thinks so.
I went to a family reunion of sorts this weekend, I took the time off to say goodbye to his sister who is moving to N Carolina this week and talked with his siblings for a bit.
He lived with the one sister who is moving when he was going thru college and he was an alcoholic then.
His other sister, an RN, told me when he was little, on holidays they used to have cherry or other flavor vodkas at each setting on holidays and they have a big family, in little cups.
He was 4 and used to go around drinking them all, then he would fall asleep and wake up with a headache...they thought it was cute at the time...RN sister thought then, this was a precursor to things to come.
I learned that his father had a drinking problem and at one point his mother was going to leave. (I never met his dad...he passed yrs before I met husband).
Rn sister thinks all the brothers have drinking problems....He has two other brothers.
He has so much fun with his family....he was like a different person there....laughing, playing cornhole....I feel when we hang out at my family stuff (which is more infrequent than his) that it is boring to him....I am starting to see that perhaps we are more incompatible than I thought. I sat by myself mostly at his sisters party this weekend, I didnt feel much like socializing or playing....
Right now...I feel validated that at least from all angles what I am seeing is dead on.
But, I feel dead inside. I see he is still flirting on his diet blog with other girls from the group, so I am not seeing effort on his part.
I don't have anything left to give. I am on the one cleaning up around the house, working, and working OT, cooking etc...and he has all the fun.
He took half a day off to go golfing with friends after work friday....last time he took a day off "to be with me" was when he told me of the affair.
The golf game was one many of his friends at work avoid, as it is a drinking game and they take their golf games seriously.....if you want extra swings to be par, you have to give a number of swings you want and have to drink that many beers. His friend he carpools with had 15 beers in 9 holes.
He said he only had one beer, I do not know.....But he knew this was a drinking game and he took off work to do it...And he didn't tell me about the drinking part until the day was over.
I could just sit around and cry today, honestly. I am spending alot of time wondering if this is going to work out at all...or trying to envision my life alone.
We haven't done counseling yet, he is going to an actual Psychiatrist tommorrow and we will couples counsel there as my social worker counselor isn't "certified" and that isn't good enough for him.
I feel really hollow right now.
Edited to add, he did meet with his old sponsor, I guess he works with him...he said that driving drunk three times doesn't mean you are an alcoholic, but waiting for next week to get here so you can go to the club for a few beers could mean that you are.
