Hi Hope,

Glad your computer is working again.

I remember when I came face to face with WH, I just turned and walked away from him. I was shocked at how I didn't respond to him. I felt ok.

It does help though to just stay away. NO doubt about that.

Classic WH behavior, hard to watch, but it just keeps reinforcing what Harleys say on here. Doesn't always help though knowing it's typical behavior.

Some days I scare myself in that I think I won't be able to take him back....the stronger I get the more difficult it will be for me to...then WH would have to prove himself...
Just thoughts!!

My lawyer phoned me this morning at work.WH's lawyer had been in contact with her.She said he sounded quite nice.They want to have a round table to finalise the divorce.It still gives me a knot in my stomach....typing those words.

She said WH said me and the kids can stay in the house.She mentioned he wanted to take out a loan and I said I wont ok it.She said we will talk about it before the meeting.She was cross with me for not telling her WH hadn't paid me money for 4 months...I think WH is banking on me caving and giving him the loan as he thinks the house thing will sway me....I don't have a choice,NO LOAN!!!!

The meeting is this Wednesday afternoon.I don't have to be in the same room as him which is good.I am meeting with my lawyer 1 hour before hand to discuss what I want.

I think WH is desperate to start his business....
I feel very vulnerable and hope that WH doesn't screw me over..
My lawyer said "lets get this done once and for all"

I'm hoping to take my sister with me for moral support,she came with me to my last meeting with my lawyer.

When WH puts things into action like this I feel like theres no hope at all for us.
This business venture will be foremost on his mind now as its his livlihood he has to look out for....

I just know all **** will break loose when I don't ok the loan...

Of course this is what your lawyer said! They are paid to facilitate divorces. Please don't let your lawyer BULLY you into doing something you don't want to do! Remember he works for you. Stand strong. I know it's hard but you can do it.

I've decided that I am not going to be pressured into anything I don't feel comfortable with..as you said ...she works for me....
If I feel I need a day to think things over,I will...this is my life and my future...

Yay!! Good for you. You're exactly right. This is YOUR life and YOUR future and YOUR decisions to make in YOUR own time.

I'm going to have to make that my mantra till wednesday!

I just hope my lawyer can make WH pay me what he owes me from the last 4 months...I never told my lawyer cos 1.I'm stubborn!
2.I didn't want it to trigger the D proceedings...I'm such a coward...anyway money is only money at the end of the day.I did survive even though I used up my savings...

I truely place my trust and faith in God to see me through this.This will be a real test for me to TRUST in God...

{{{hope}}}

You are STRONG for whatever comes to be.

Yes, be strong. And don't agree to the loan. They may pressure you to sign for it. But don't do it. He has no business asking you to finance a business with his OW out of your family resources.

The fact that he hasn't given you money supports the truth that you cannot trust him to pay you back. Stand firm. He may threaten you losing your home. But that will take lots of time, which he doesn't have.

Thanks jlr for the support.at times I don't feel strong....

Believer you make a valid point able WH not paying me money so how can I trust him.I know one shouldn't try to figure out a waywards thought pattern,but this is mine on my WH...

As long as me and the boys are "playing happy home" WH won't have to deal with too much guilt towards us...,after all, our lives are relatively the same,just that WH is no longer part of it...we still have our home and he will still give us money to HELP us i.e still being the good dad/husband....he hasn't REALLY disrupted our lives THAT much....(remember when he was trying to get me to talk to him about the loan,he said.."this affects OUR future..."suddenly we are a unit again!!)

At the start of his affair when he moved out and wanted to sell the house he said"don't worry I will help you look for another house!!"I promptly told him I didn't need his help and he was honestly shocked at my response..quite funny now though...

If we sell the house he knows the boys will be very upset and he will have to face up to the CONSEQUENCES of his ACTIONS.
In the past,he has always been a person who tried to please everyone.
In his mind its cut and dried...give me the loan,you and boys stay in the house and we all happy..whats the problem????
I don't think WH is facing the enormity of what his really done and the ripple effects thereof...
just my thoughts...

BTW,DS15 is so back to his old self..happy and cheerful and POLITE...I hope it lasts.Both boys are with me this weekend although they are with friends tonight.My boss asked me today to work tomorrow morning to fill in for someone so I'm staying in tonight..(9pm here).

God is truely watching over me..today is payday and I got my annual bonus plus I made the most overtime money this month in 10 years!!I'm ready for the next few rounds with WH!! LOL

That's excellent Hope! Congrats... don't spend it all in one place.

Today I've been feeling kinda low...as if I have lost this battle completely...
In a way meeting with the lawyers to sort out the divorce feels like I'm throwing in the towel..surrendering in a way....not that I'll give WH everything that he wants,but that he will finally get his divorce and he wins...

Every Saturday I record a tv show on TBN called "grassroots" hosted by Angus Buchan.Its a weekly devotional.This mornings topic was"Don't help God"..i.e.have patience and wait for Gods perfect timing...don't interfere and let God do His work,He is mightier than us and does not need our help....our human intervention....we must keep out the way...BE STILL...

Angus says that impatience with God is a sin...we must just keep on praying.....He says that Gods timing is always perfect!
My feelings of having no control is getting to me...

Boy do I know how that feels, but what Angus said about being still is so very true, yet it is so hard. We want answers, or some kind of plan. Anything that might help us make sense of this or make us feel like we are "doing" something. I am that kind of person. I attack problems head on. I want to figure out what needs to be done, and do it. But sometimes there is nothing we can do.

You may not know my story so I'll give you the short version. Shortly after my now XH left, I was diagnosed with cancer. From Aug 06-March 07 I had surgery and went through chemo. His D from me was final 6 days after chemo ended.

In the middle of it I felt like everything had been taken from me: my H, my M, my energy, my church family (they kinda evaporated) even my work for the last two months. Yet, this is when I really learned what my IC meant when he paraphrased Ps. 46:10. "Be still and know that I am God."

My IC had said "sometimes we have to just be still, and let God be God in the pain." God used that time in my life to deepen my faith to a level that still surprises me.

There's a quote by Martin Luther that I wrote in my journal a while back that helped me make sense of this. "Oh! His grace and goodness toward us is so immeasurably great, that without great assaults and trials, it cannot be understood."

The place I am at now is that I know that God has heard my prayers and has answered them. It's just that I haven't reached the time in my life where the answers have been revealed. I'm in a transitional time. I know that I am doing what God wants (working on my administration certificate) but I have no idea why-yet.

Ps. 138:8 "The Lord will fulfill His purpose for me; Your love, O Lord, endures forever..."

God says in Jer 29:11 "I know the plans I have for you. Plans to prosper you and not harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future." He knows the plans He has. He didn't say He'd send us the timeline (as much as I wish He would..)

Hang in there. I will keep you in my prayers.

Johnstwin thank you so much for such a heartfelt post..I can relate to you completely....

My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer 9 years ago...had a double mastictomy amd chemo and has been cancer-free since.

I work in a pathology lab at the hospital she attended and I knew her results before her...it was awful..at one stage she was comforting me!!When you are knowledgable about these illnesses you tend to think the worst...
I have SO MUCH respect for people who battle through cancers and leukaemias...I see them daily in the hospital and see what they have to endure...
At the outset of D Day,I was a nervous wreck..and a collegue suggested that I see one of the psychologists in the hosp.He was a wonderfull man he counsils terminal patients too.He told me that I will have the strength to get through this even though we don't realise it at the time.He said that he was amazed at how when people discover they are terminal they find the strength to continue.I personally know my strength comes from God.

Recently we had a 39 yr old man,married with kids,who was told he had a week to live..He had started a web page and he wrote his goodbyes ...made me feel ashamed to think that my problems where bad....

I am feeling better today and hope to stay uplifted and put my trust in God.He has shown me in the blessings through these 18 months just how near He is to us in our daily lives

hopenpray-

So glad to hear about your mom.

My dad is an 18-year survivor of colon cancer (He's not my dad by genetics, but is the most wonderful earthly father I could have hoped for) and this June he joined me on the Relay for Life Survivor Lap.

My YS was the NJROTC Color Guard Commander and carried the American Flag in front of all the survivors. We got to follow right behind.

It was quite a moment.

I'm still praying for you. Give your mom my best.

My lawyer phoned me this morning and asked me if I could afford the legal costs of this divorce.I said "not really"She sent WH's lawyer a fax stating that WH has to pay my legal fees or their will be no round-table on Wednesday!!!I can't believe how brazen she is...WH is going to be mad..
DS18 went to WH this evening till thursday as he is going away this weekend with friends and won't see WH.WH waited outside thank goodness..

I feel quite sad in that I think my marriage is really over now.

Good for her! So what if WH is mad, he's the one that wants this so badly, let him pay for it. Stick to your guns Hope... and pray. Be prepared to go into that meeting ONLY for the purpose of hearing what they have to say. Doesn't mean you have to go along with anything. I have a feeling they are going to try and use the four months of support as a bargaining tool of some kind. Don't fall for it. He OWES you that money... period. Make it clear that this is non-negotiable.

It's like my husband says, "the elephant is still dead." He explains it like this, a hunter goes into the jungle and shoots and elephant. The elephant is dead. Doesn't matter which way he fell, it's still dead. Doesn't matter if his ears flopped forward or backwards, he's still dead. Your WH's attorneys can try and pretty it up or ugly it up any way they choose, but the fact remains that he still owes the money.

There is still hope. Don't give up now!

(((Hope)))

Thanks Princess..
I like you trail of thought....my lawyer said his lawyer tried to talk to her about the loan on the phone...she told him she won't comment untill she sees "what they lay on the table'Nothing will sway my mind though...
I have to keep reminding myself that I don't HAVE to agree to anything...I hate conflict of any kind so this isn't easy for me.
I am not going to give up but I really don't see this turning around.
A friend of mine explained to me that even if WH trades his car in for something cheaper he will still have to pay quite a large residual owing on the car..he just can;t seem to get a break anywhere!
Banks are repossessing cars here at an alarming rate cos of the cost of living sky-rocketing..
I keep thinking I know my H,his a very proud person and he won't back down now and come home..I know his a WH but 19 months is a long time to remain fogged out and I don't believe he is anymore.
I'm just frustrated right now that this has happened to us...so surreal...

I get worried sometimes that if my lawyer gets nasty with him he will never come home...I know I can't let that thought stop me protecting myself financially but I feel like I'm walking a narrow path here.I KNOW WH will think that I told her to stipulate that if he doesnt pay my fees there will be no meeting!

Its like my heart and head are in conflict sometimes..I suppose thats why we have lawyers to represent us...
I have never got really really angry at him in my heart..just not that type of person..I will cry rather than rant and rave...I'm not a pushover by any means...my weapon is my sharp tongue and boy can I find the right words when I need them!!I;m not always proud of myself...I'm not rude or use foul language just very to the point...

Anyway I'll keep on praying and fasting and try to be PATIENT!!