Ok I expect to get hit probally I dont know. But some are curious as to the whole story now being called out I will post the whole story. Yes I am married to RMX. Yes I am a FWW and yes I am a FBS.
I met RMX via the computer/ex boyfriend about his 18th bithday. We got married Oct 1996 and had our first son Nov 1996. I was a stay at home mom till October 97 and loved being at home. I had to get a graveyard job so we could start paying bills and didnt want to fork out daycare funds. We fought about the usual. I was always cleaning the house, taking care of our son and only worked on 3 hrs of sleep about everyday. I would get up take DH to work, come home and start my routen with DS and then get 3 hrs of sleep before working all night. I quit that job shy of almost being there for a year. I found a day job we were able to afford daycare.
This was in September 98. I felt better. Still cleaned came home and cooked then cleaned that up took care of DS but I didnt have to be to exhausted. I asked my mom on several occassions to watch our son and then wanted to go out. DH was happier staying at home with his computers and what not in the garage. Told me to go out with my friends. So I could call the group I worked with and one was the OM. It started out as an EA. Calling on the phone several times a day, taking him home when I got off early. Then it started to get more. I went into the fog deeper. I started to go out one on one instead of the group. DH would tell me that the calls are to much is something going on? I would tell him all the babble. No we are just friends, its not what you think. I only cared for myself all of a sudden my family didnt seem important to me.
We didnt know MB existed at this point. I told him fine I will NC him but I saw him at work and still snuck behind my DH back. To the point that it went physical. One day I came home early and found him packing up a friends car and when I got out of the car I asked him what he was doing. He then took the keys out of my hand and told me he was leaving and he doesnt know when he will return and to give our son his love. I was hurt and I could feel me trying to reason with myself saying I did this but you know I still have OM to fall on and my ds to love. I think if I recall I called DH every name I could think of. Yes I accused him of not being there, not helping me out at home and I was tired of it. I used the excuses I could have probally just talked to him about. Which I did but I was frankly tired of it all.
He took off I told myself he couldnt drive *he was just learning how too* that he would return. Called my mom to pick up ds. She came home and no DS with her. I broke down and cried. I ruined my family. You would think that was enough right?Think again not for the old me. I cotinued to work during the day taking the car my mom and I shared. In 98 there was a huge flood I was greatful that DH had our son were safe. But the flood ruined the house. I still had contact with OM and we got an apartment together. DH returned 2 wks later. He thought I was living with a friend not the OM. I was still lieing. I dont know when he found out I was living with the OM for sure. But every time DH and I would talk on the phone OM was in the background yelling things he shouldnt have I told him to stop but he kept going. I do not know how long into the A I called DH and told him to meet me alone and talk. I broke his world. I told him the ultimate I want a D. I was happy, being taken care of and didnt need him. He begged for me to come home to be a family again I told him I wont and cant. Fighting back and fourth went on for 2 1/2 months finally no word from DH thought life was grand till the OM wasnt doing his share.
He had the utility bill to pay. He couldnt. I had rent to pay. I couldnt See OM quit his job. I resigned and found something closer to the apartment but it wasnt enough. I started to donate plasma and it looked like I was a druggie cause I was going 3 times a week to get money for my son. I managed to get him but couldnt take care of him. And DH wasnt to be found.I found out I was pg with OM child. I got ahold of DH and I didnt have to tell him, he knew. I told OM and he was upset cause he went under oath to join marines and told them today he doesnt have a baby on the way. And he basically told me "you know what you have to do". I got sick at the begining of pg and OM wouldnt help me get meds. DH did. The phone got disconnected. The lights were to be turned off in a few wks. I called my SIL and said to Please call DH and tell him to get our son Im lossing it all and have lost it all. When DH showed up I had my son packed. I hugged him so close. I handed him over. What I wasnt expecting was DH to tell me to get in. I did. He took me back to his apartment and the first time in months we actually talked. No fighting just talking. Over a series of weeks him and I started to go and do things with our son. A friend of mine was staying with me till she went into the service. As I was talking to my DH I started to come around. When we dropped off my friend to leave for boot camp is the night I think DH said he was getting me out of OM.
My MIL gave us the money for a Uhaul. And out of the blue we came into the apartment and started to load up. OM was calling DH everything he could think of. I am greatful that another roomate was there to intervien *sp*. DH, I and a few friends of ours helped gather the apartment stuff up.
It was starting to get better. I stayed at my moms. We fought hard, some were good days others were dead. I was getting healthier and decided what I was going to do concerning OC. I wanted to raise her, but I wanted our M to work. DH told me several times he wanted to go thru with the D even now that I was at my moms. Other days he wanted to work it out. We were on a roller coaster. Any time we fought I would fight harder and fight for us. I wanted to show I was different I can do it. I pushed my way back into his life. Eventually to where we were living together. It wasnt easy oh no I heard of the A non stop. But I told myself I want the M, I want it back
I knew it wasnt going to be the same. I broke my H heart I had to repair it. We lived like newlyweds again fresh love with a burden on the back burner. We agreed what to do with OC. He wanted to raise her like I wanted too. But a fear was the OM. Wow. We hadnt even talked to him since the day I moved out. I didnt want to talk to him now regardless of a child involved. We did the pros and cons. And there were two factors to not raising OC. The OM involvment and money. So we decided to put her up for adoption. I did contact OM once with DH next to me to find out his intentions on the child. His mom answered said he wasnt around and that I should abort it basically. So DH and I looked over papers and gave her up at birth. *Side note: to this day he will say he has another child. 2 boys and 2 girls. He adores her and loves her* I went to IC for a bit to help with my decision on the adoption and talk of my A she helped me alot. DH and I wanted to go to MC as well but didnt ever go. We continued to self heal each other. OC was born and he wanted to be there. I tried to wake him up but he wouldnt I called my mom to take me to the hospital. I was hurt he wasnt there for her birth.
So are we into recovery yet? We are working on it.
Now where do I come in as a FBS? Here goes. When DH brought me back to our side of town I wanted to be completely honest with him and vice versa. I asked him if there was anyone else? He told me no. When we fought after getting back together he threw out an old school friend I used to hang with years ago. That they got together and she gave great SF. Like him, in fights he would hold the A over my head I would hold that over his. He finally got tired of it and made me believe it was just something to hurt me and was a lie. Now I believed him. Stupid me. Jan 2007.
I was at work and we were fighting over what I wouldnt do in the bedroom. And if I wanted to talk to him when I get off of work to wake him up. So I did. He told me about his RA. I was hurt only cause we had worked so hard to get to where we were in our M. With two more beautiful children in the picture. I felt betrayed, I was lied to. And he told me this because? I wouldnt give him SF to what he wanted. So boom one hit. Another hit came shortly after. I knew he had a porn problem. There were major fights where I even caught him. It killed me that I didnt look like those girls. He was tending to his needs. I quit all romance and I think between him reading on MB and realizing I quit all romance that I had done in the past he came clean. So we were dealing with that as well.
So here I am. Learning and reading. We did the EN's about a yr ago and he has done great. I would like to say I have too. You would have to ask him. I know I lack in some of his EN's I have to work on it. And I am still working on myself. I want to be better I want to do better I want to better my family and most importantly I want to better my M. Now I never posted my side of the A this is the first time I have gone into such. So what am I doing here? Besides giving what I know that will help others.... I want to give him the Joseph Letter. I want to answer everything on the A honestly and fully.
I admit now I have not been fully honest *he knows* and have been only wanting to save my own butt on it. My H has stated he needs this to continue our recovery process with no reservations.I own my A, and he is owning his RA. we have boundaries established now, and we will NOT be restarting the recovery process a 3rd time.I am not sure I want to know my H's details of his RA, i've already been hurt by what I know thus far.
He will be getting his letter soon. I am writting it now but its not in order. I seem to remember it in groups.
PS RMX I love you with all my heart and soul. But please have our son do the cat litter
