I joined the MB forum and just wanted to share my story with you. I have been browsing the other threads and it seems my husband and I are in the same boat as marinemom and DRO. Their threads have been very helpful for me already.


My husband and I are 24 and have been married for just over 5 years and have a 2 and a half year old son. A couple of weeks ago I confessed that I had an affair with an ex-boyfriend around the time that our son was conceived, and that I was starting to think that maybe my husband wasn't the biological father of our child after all (I always believed that he was, perhaps because I was in denial and didn't want to believe otherwise, but my son was starting to look a lot like my ex, so I was starting to have doubts - I felt like I was waking up into a nightmare when I first really considered the similarities, I wanted to die).

My husband was quite upset, but didn't react as badly as I expected. He wanted to find out the true paternity of our son as soon as possible so we could deal with that. He said it wouldn't change his relationship with our son if he wasn't the biological father, but he wanted to spend some time to think about whether or not he still wanted to remain married to me after I betrayed and deceived him. He spent two weeks living downstairs in our basement apartment that's currently vacant. He wanted to spend some time thinking about what he truly wanted and came to the conclusion that his life just wasn't complete without me and our son, so he's decided to stay.

We had spent a few months in marriage counselling earlier this year because of an affair that he had (luckily he handled it right and told me immediately after it happened), and our marriage had become stronger and happier than ever before. We both believe that we can continue to keep it that way, despite this mess, as long as we keep working hard. It was because of the marriage counseling that I felt I could (and needed to) finally tell my husband the truth about my affair. We couldn't continue to be happy if I wasn't being completely honest.

We're currently waiting the results of the paternity test, but I'm pretty sure I know who the father is going to be, and it's going to be very hard to face the truth. My husband says it doesn't change anything, but I'm still worried about him.

So that's our story so far. I'm sure there will be some more grief and turmoil after the results come back. It's going to be a long, difficult road, but I think we're strong enough to make it through. I'm going to begin individual counseling to deal with the issues I was having around the time I had the affair and so I can truly be a better person.

Thanks for listening.

Sorry you need to be here. Glad that you did.

kalon,

Is your ex-BF aware of the situation My thought are that if he is the father, then you may end up with custody issues. If your son is not your husband, your husband cannot adopt him without the consent of the biological father.

But you would have to deal with things such as the legal name of the child, visitation rights, signatures on legal documents (like getting a passport), etc. As well, if you and your husband were to ever divorce, he would no longer have any rights whatsoever and not be liable for child support. The biological father whould be required to make child support payments even though you are married...unless he gave up his parental rights and allowed adoption.

Maybe you've thought about all this, but it's stuff that needs to be considered.

I know about these things because my eldest son is not mine biologically, and if/when my wife and I divorce, I will no longer have any legal rights.

I'll be praying that your husband is the biological father.

Hi mel_vin,

Thanks for bringing up those issues; they are definitely things we have been thinking and talking about together. We live in Canada and we're having a hard time finding anything about my ex's rights if he is indeed the father of my son, so we plan to consult a lawyer to help us figure everything out if that is the case.

My ex has always known that there was the possibility that he's the father. I let him know immediately after I dropped the bomb on my husband that we were going to have a paternity test done, but I needed him to stay away from my family unless or until we initiate contact with him. My husband obviously wants me to have no contact with my ex, and I don't want my ex to make things worse for us. I originally deleted him from my msn and facebook, but now I've had to block him as well from those and my email because he continued to contact me afterwards, asking about where things were at with the situation. He even sent a stupid "legal" contract that he made up that only protects himself (basically he doesn't want to have to give us money or pay for/provide a paternity test), which we ignored because it was ridiculous.

I, too, pray that my husband is the biological father; it would make things sooooo much easier.

I do not know about third world nations, but depending which state you live in the US the child is presumed to be that of the husband. You'll need to see a lawyer.

First mistake was to tell OM that he maybe the dad. Especially if you and BH want to stay married and raise the child. Affairs are hard to end and put in the past when you have to coparent with the OM.