Well, it happened. D-Day #2 happened 7/24/08. For all that are familiar with my previous posts, I foud it had continued since D-day 1. Hidden emails, cell phones etc. Trying to get through it. We are actually working hard believe it or not.

She has finally admitted everything. It is all out in the open. I acrually feel better knowing the truth than living the lies for so long. She is truely remorseful, NOC letter sent. NOC call made by me. She still says it was not physical but it was very deep EA. Please keep us in your prayers.

I had the same thing happen to me. Continued phone calls, visits to his house, etc...

It's a tough one to go through...harder than dday 1.

You're not alone.

Take care of yourself hurtdad.

don't be so sure of that. Liar's lie.

Don't believe anything she tells you. She's proven she will lie to you. She will do it again. She'll stare you in the eye and lie.

If you want to know things you will have to find them out. Get a keylogger on her computer (eBlaster) and a GPS in her car (landairsea.com).

Then collect the info until you have absolute proof. Don't make the mistake of running to her with the first little thing you find. Build up a good pile of info first.

Then see what she does.

She has quit her job where she met the OM. We are in marriage counseling with the same counseler. I know I can't believe her. I have deleted every email account, destroyed the cell phone. What else can I do?

watch her like a hawk...or polygraph (quick, all questions answered within a few hours). It has paid great dividends for a lot of people.

As I stated. She is truly remorseful. Sent NOC letter, quit her very good job and is doing everything possible to make amends. Gave me the cell phone. Saw what was on it. Extremely hurtful, but to her credit she has been brutally honest since. Answered every quistion no matter how painful to me. We are working hard and seem to be making some progress. Do not trust her though.

Continue to not trust her. My WW changed her cell #, then complained to me how it cost her $25 to change the number, and that it was a "waste of time, because I'm not going to talk to him anymore...I don't even remember his number" ...then she resumed calling him again.

Do not trust her, and take some steps to protect yourself. You are not out of the woods, and are in for a rough ride.

I second the suggestion that you ask her to take a polygraph test. What you are witnessing now, COULD be true remorse, or could be true fear that she is about to lose everything. Why waste time wondering which it is?? The test will get the truth out so much faster!

If she has quit her job, gave me access to every account, resumed MC, told the MC everything this time (his words after meeting with her privately) does that count for everything. In his words unless she is just the most callous, uncaring, evil person in the world, why would she keep coming back to MC and trying. The OM is single. She may do these things to me. but I doubt she would continue to do this to he DS 14 & 10 who know everything.

My WW cried her eyes out in MC one day and said "I only slept with OM once, I'm being honest, why won't anyone believe me?...boo hoo hoo...whah...whah...whah!!!!

The MC would tell me the same thing yours is telling you..."she's being honest...you need to move past this...etc..."

Turned out WW was lying.

My point...

Don't let a MC tell you if your WW is being honest or not. If your instincts think that something else is up, and you aren't 100% confident that she is being 100% truthful....she's still lying. How would a MC know your WW better than you do? Do not make the mistake of looking at his/her diploma on the wall and thinking that he/she knows if your WW is lying...go with your instincts.

JMHO

My instincts tell me she is telling the truth. She has never been this honest in months. She tells me the details enen when they hurt to the bone. She may still be lying. She has about everything else. I just feel a truthfullness I have'nt seen before for a very long time.

You have been advised by some people that were lied to and had more than one D day. There is a good chance that what happened to them is what can happen to you. It usually does.

That is when a WW has and affair there are multiple D days for there are many reasons why a WW will not tell the whole truth the first time. Also as an addict a WW has a hard time giving up her OM. There may be some sporadic contact, especially when the OM keeps fishing for WW.

From what you have written, and this is based on what you have stated, not seeing WW for myself, I think she is honestly trying to recover your marriage.

Even though your WW most likely has not told you everthing. Most likely you need to quietly keep checking to see if NC is broken.
As any addict there is usually 1 or 2 backslides where there is a break in NC.

IF WW gave up a great job to go NC. That has to look good for you being able to recover your marriage. But you must keep your guard up.

Thank you for that. She gave up a 70K a year job with none to walk into. We went to her work place on the weekend. I helped her clear out her office. She handed me the cell phone. I checked it from top to bottom. Found all the hurtful things. Her statement was " I never want to step foot in this place or ever see him again." I think she is really trying here. She is a good woman she just messed up royally. I will keep quietly checking.

Hurtdad,
So sorry this has happened. If I remember correctly it was a EA or did it turn to PA? My H and I did MC and used this web site. Are you both doing the steps here? Is she posting here? She should start a thread. You are getting good advice here from everyone. And put RA out of your mind if thought pops into your head (go to forum General QII "Don't Do It").

G

Yes it was an EA. I cannot prove or disprove a PA. I have no thoughts of a RA. I love my wife and would never do anything like that.

Do you believe this? Not that you can ever be sure, but what does your gut tell you?

My FWW claimed on D-Day 1 it was just an intense EA. She even tried to claim that for a short while after D-Day 2. Surprise, surprise, it had been an intense PA for 10 years.

And her adultery’s effects on DS 10 at the time of D-Day 2 generated no guilty feelings in her whatsoever.

Six month periods of weekly local MC after each D-Day were just a smokescreen to keep me mollified and away from their affair.

IOW, I have heard, seen and experienced what you describe. I have two suggestions for you:

1. Confront OM in person. Run him off. Don’t threaten him physically (just to keep the lawyers happy) but let him know how miserable you will make his life. In fact, tell him you don’t want him dead. You want him to suffer endlessly directly and indirectly at your hands. Expose to his family, parents, church, work – you have already exposed at work, right (does not matter your wife quit already) – expose everywhere now. D-Day 2 requires a much firmer touch than D-Day 1. Gradual and concentric exposure is not for D-Day re-runs

2. Call the MB counseling center. Get her to listen to the Harleys for a couple of sessions. Almost as good as item number one.

Will do.

Actually yes you can. Pony up the money and scheduel a polygraph test. Every EA is simply waiting for an opportunity to turn into a PA. When left alone long enough, they most always do.

Hate to seem like a wet blanket, hurtdad, but you have already been gaslighted long enough. You do have a way to get to the real truth and it consists of a polygraph.

If WW is truthful, she will welcolm the occasion to prove it. As most polygraphers explain it, about 80% of their appointments get cancelled because the WS no longer has any wiggle room. If they take the test, they know they will be shown to be a liar.

Your trust of an untrustworthy person is unfounded and will be the undoing of your M if you let it go unchecked. WS's lie, and when they are done, they lie some more to keep you in the dark.

Your instincts kicked in in Dec 07, the EA problably exited 3 to 4 months prior to that. It has had more than enough time to turn to a PA and most likely has.

Mine wouldn't give it up until I came back from my dr. with a dx of HPV. After 32 years of M.

WS will lie as long as you believe them, it's their nature. Put this all to rest one way or another, with a polygraph. They COUNT on you TRUSTING THEM!

All Blessings,
Jerry

Hurtdad,
Did your wife make it easy for you to find out? I ask because my H wanted me to find out about his EA. I had a feeling something was going on but he left something out for me to discover it. He wanted our M to change - unfortunately this was his way of telling me. He was much faster at wanting R than I was (I wanted to divorce him). If your wife wanted you to find out she may very well want R and is genuine in her efforts here but if she lied continually and you discovered it, I'm concerned that there is more than you realize and I don't necessarily mean PA - I mean working on the "I" to improve "Us" can take months of work.

Hi HD,

I have been away for a few weeks. I looked for your thread when I came back. I am so sorry that you experienced the pain of a second D-Day but I really expected it.

Things seem more promising now that she has willingly quit her job. Was a NC letter sent? Please steel yourself for the possibility of another D-day revealing PA. Try to make her feel safe to talk to you and stress the importance of RH and your unconditional love.

It took my DH and I eight months to get everything out in the open and each time he lied sincerely and convincingly and I tried to believe him even though my gut told me not to. Every time I found out something else on my own it was like ripping the scab off of a gaping wound.

I pray that you have the whole truth for the sake of your marriage and emotional well being but please don't give trust blindly. Make her earn it and keep verifying.

God's Blessings,

Say