My wife of 18 years told me two weeks ago she wants a divorce. Over the years I have negleted her calls for me to change some of my ways like pushing her to do what I want, wear what I want have sex when I want you name it. I justified this as it was ok for me to tell her what I wanted since I was her husband. This has led to many arguements over the years. I do want to change how I act and I definitely want to stay married to her. She is insisting that even if I change she does not want the marriage to go on. I have went to a counselor and after the couselor talked to my wife, I was givin no hope.
I have ordered His Needs, Her Needs and am looking into getting the Love Busters book. I am determined to do all I can to have my wife fall in love with me. How do you maintain your efforts and stay upbeat when you are being given no hope? I know it has been just two weeks and I tell myself that it will take time but it is hard to stay focused.
We are in some financial stress which she says has nothing to do with her decision. However, because of this we may have to wait a few months to sell the house and move on. Am I right when I try to delay things or will this just make it worse. I do realize that for the longest time she has wanted me to listen to her and not try to change her mind or coerce her into what I want. Delaying things would be doing just that.

Until your books arrive, read the articles found on this website and read through some of the threads on the forums. Take to heart what she is saying and apply what you can. Don't just make changes for her, but make them for you also. Changes are only effective if you want them and agree with them. If you don't then resentment builds and walls will spring up.

Time, patience and understanding are your allies.

read up on this site about doing a plan A.

Do not move out or agree to separate.

Very often when a W wants a D she has a replacement lined up.
Does she close down pages on computer when you walk in the room, takes cell calls out of the room so you can't hear, text a lot more.

Quietly go into snoop mode while doing your plan A.

I dont think there is anyone else however you never know. As for plan A it seems geared toward an affair and that is not really the case here. Is there more to plan A or am I missing something.
Also, if my spouse is refusing any attempt to save our marriage how do I figure out what her Emotional Needs are and even if I knew will my attempts to meet them be ignored? I do know that for a long time I have not liked the way I have acted and I definitely want to change.

Plan A is about being the best spouse you can be in meeting her needs. Your needs are secondary now.
You can identify her EN's on your own. Think of all the comments she's made over the years. Does she want help around the house? Does she want communication? Recreational companionship? It's probably easier than you think - after you read the site. If it's financial, and things are bad, try to minimize the impact by spending less, cooking her dinner, or going for a long walk with her or something else that costs nothing.

You have an opportunity to try. Take it.

Plan A has nothing to do with it's use being only for those whose wife is having an affair.

Plan A is to get the wife to reconnect with her husband. Instead of divorcing him.

Part of the reason why she has not moved out is our financial situation. So she is definitely motivated to cut costs and pay off some bills. We also need to fix some yhings around the house to get it ready to sell, (which I dont want to). One of my major love buster was that she never felt she could trust me when it comes to sex. She has mentioned many times how she was afraid to sit next to me or show me affection for fear that I would push for sex, which I normally did. Do you think that helping around the house and fixing things will be seen by her as anything but helping her leave. It is not that I dont want to do it I am going to do it I guess I want to make sure I am doing as much as possible.
I did get His Needs and Love Busters yesterday and will definitely start reading those for more insight.