My story. S moved us to new state. Away from my family but close to his. He started new job and everything was fine. Then we got cell phones. The first bill was 5 pages of texts to this one number. I didnt question. I didnt suspect. Figured was work related until he left his phone in car and I saw a text from "her"(co-worker married w/2kids). I confronted him and he said most msgs were work related, & that they did text to kill time and agreed it was inappropriate and that it would stop. Then I read an email from her and knew it was much more. How she didnt want this to stop, she was sorry she changed things for him. If he had a better way to let her know. That she was going to give him time to think things out. To give his family a fare shot without her wrecking it. and on and on. It ripped my heart out when I read this. I again confronted and he said that I had to much time on my hands and that I should mind my own business!! He said it was all to get her husband jealous. The text msgs and the emails. I never believed it, but he stands by that still. Funny thing is that she freaked out when he told her I was going to tell her husband. If it was all to get him jealous then shouldnt he be reading the msgs etc?? Anyway. He said it stopped. I started counseling for myself. He wouldnt go. He changed jobs. we moved across town and I thought she was out of our lives. WRONG. He started acting distant so I down loaded key logger and first thing that popped up was email to her how he missed her, loved her, needed her, wanted her and was counting down the days!!!!
and her emails-"thanks for holding me". "sorry you came over for nothing", "tonight will be better". I lost my mind!! I went to her work and confronted her and she said it was nothing. That they just went on bike rides, that they were just friends, that he fixed things for her etc..then I went home and kicked him out.
He STILL denies it was anything!! still said it was to get her husand jealous. 2 months have passed and he is back at home. I have written him many letters to express my feelings, but it will never be the same. Neither of us wants a divorce. (i dont think) Been together since highschool. 25 years. married 13. I cant believe anything anymore. Not trusting him is eating me up.
Is it possible or even worth it to try? I dont know what to do. It is effecting ALL areas of my life. we have 2 kids 13 and 17.
any advice would be greatly appreciated.

I'm pretty new here, and other's will come to give you some great advice.

I will however start by saying that your H is in a full blown affair. "Sorry you came over for nothing" and "tonight will be better", only means one thing, IMO.

I think that you should expose this affair to OWH, he deserves to know.

I'll bug out and let the more experienced members help you...but, your WH is definately in at least a EA, probably a PA with OW.

I'm sorry you find yourself here.


edit:

To answer your question "can I ever trust again?"...

You need to know to what extent the A is, before you will be able to even think about trust again. You need to forgive in order to trust, and you can't forgive if you don't know what it is that you are forgiving. JMO.

Its quite clear thats its a PA or it will be very shortly. The whole "Sorry you came over for nothing" is blatantly referring to expectation of a sex act that didn't occur.

Your very first step here is to expose to OWH. Use any means necessary to find out how to contact him and do it without any warning. You cannot possibly recover your marriage with your WH engaged in an affair. Exposure is the first step to end it, but be prepared because he will be PISSED! Just don't respond to his anger and push through it.