I'm just plain perplexed by this dating thing. Up until the end of May, I had a really great BF but due to the long distance R, it was just too hard so he broke it off. I knew he wasn't "the one" but he certainly gave me back my confidence. The breakup was hard, and brought back the sadness I experienced from my D.

Learning to date again has been difficult. I long to find a partner who I can be 100% myself with, someone who will love me for who I am, give me the same butterflies in my stomach that my WH gave me when we were dating, and treat me like a princess.

The wounds left by my WH continue to haunt me and while I am excited about starting a "new life", I am also hesitant and a bit scared by the unknown.

Rejection is a hard thing to accept, especially when I start to talk to someone new and through his flirtation and good conversation, I naturally become excited about the possibilities of dating. Unfortunately, this "someone new" did not follow through with his promised date and instead, my self-esteem is dampened. I ran into this guy recently but refused to show my disappointment. Instead, I acted as if nothing happened. Is this right? Should I have approached him about his flakiness?

I also try to remind myself that I want to date a man who is excited about me and follows through with his words. Obviously, this "someone new" didn't bother in calling me to cancel. That is a bad sign, isn't it? Why can't I accept that and move on?

From this type of unreliable behavior, it makes me lose hope in the dating arena. Consequently, I get upset by the wounds my WH inflicted upon my life, knowing that through his poor immoral choices, I got the short end of the stick. I don't want to be bitter about my lack of a dating life but it's easy to when my WH married the OW and has a baby with her.

I guess there are good and bad days with being single. With all the D recovery classes I've taken and books I've read, it would just be nice to settle down again.

I'm venting, I know. Thanks for reading. I just needed to get some of this stuff off my mind and onto this forum. Thanks.

And unfortunately this is the tell tale sign that while you may be ready to "date", you are not ready for a relationship, as you have not yet healed.

Do not look at dating as a way to cover up the wounds, because no person can serve that purpose longterm. You need to get your emotional house in good order before looking for lifelong partners - until then, just date casually.

AGG

I agree with AGG. An added bonus is that dealing with break ups and disappointment in the dating world helps you process some of the pain from the divorce.

I also like to think of all the men I broke up with or turned down for dates (when I was younger). I don't like hurting anyone, but if the person isn't a good fit, he isn't a good fit. Some of them I really liked. Some of them I wished I could do over again. Probably, that's how the men the break up with or don't invite me out or whatever feel about me. Lovely lady, but not for me.

The thirties is a hard time for women to date. Men who are in their thirties are usually married. Although my widowed sister-in-law found someone and she's 32. Anywho, in a couple of more years, the pool of available men widens again as couples get divorced. That's what my sister found. At 39, she's dating a nice man who's wife left him for another man. He has a few issues, and I may suggest he check in here, but he's got a good heart.

Oh, and you played it great with the "someone new." You kept your dignity.

Take is slow and easy. Be yourself.

off topic but don't we all have issues!

I'll be 41 in a couple of weeks - I wouldn't call the pool "wide"! However, one of my initial screening must-haves is that he must be divorced so a bigger pool of this type isn't a bad thing.

Ugghhhhhh....

It is SCARY. My ex has moved on rather quickly...where as I, have seemed to developed new friendships with the hopes of it turning into more, then I get scared and back out.

I want to start dating, but want to work on ME for a bit...working out, I want to lose about 20 lbs....Just to be healthy again!

I am in no hurry, yet, find myself wanting to have someone there just to care for me again.....and me care for them....