I feel I'm being constantly punished with withdrawal, neglect, disconnecting and threatening to leave and such for some crime I may or may not have committed.

I'm not sure what crime and he won't tell me. I have a few ideas, but when I bring them up, he denies them.

Once in a while he'll slip and start to talk to me, then clam up in the middle of a sentence and get very angry and quiet. He will deny anything is wrong.

I know this is probably a response to not feeling safe to tell me things, but I also feel that if we DON'T talk about this, it is never going to get better, and he'll burn the rest of the bridges just so he doesn't have to tell me what I did that was so awful.

He insists that his giving up on us and wanting to leave is NOT my fault.

I hear 'it's not all about you' way too much these days

he's doing the

I love you but i'm not in love with you
too much water under the bridge
i can't help the way i feel
it's too late
i never should have gotten into this relationship
i jumped into this relationship too quickly

mantra.

There is no other woman, so I think it's got to be some real, imagined or blown out of proportion hurt he's feeling.

When I hear that he doesn't want to hurt me, that he gives me affection just because I want him to, that he wants to leave and move out and that our personal relationship is over I get understandably confused. My instincts are screaming BS.

Maybe if I can make him feel safe enough, he'll open up to me? I'll even take a full blown screaming at me, throwing things session if it will get it out of his system so we can objectively look at it, fix what can and needs to be fixed, forgive what needs to be forgiven and move on together.

But I don't know how to get there.

What I do know is I can't take one more month of being slapped in the face every day with being unloved, neglected and his shrugging off anything good I do. And as soon as I start to get over him, he does something toally wacky like initiates sex for the first time since the 'i no longer love you or want a personal relationship with you' bomb.

Flip. Flop. Flip. Flop. He keeps going back and forth between cold detachement and neglect to warmth and trying to feigned warmth and i'm just doing the because I have to.

bump

What makes you say this?
ALL my "affair red flags" are flying full mast.
The klaxons are sounding.

Turtle, read her whole thread. On the EN board. If you are not insane, yourself, by the end of it, you will be CERTAIN that there is no good advice you can give this couple.

Wow.

Took a LONG time but I read it.
If I have anything to post I'll post it on her main thread.
Thanks!

because we work, live and stay in the same place. his only hobby is watching movies. I monitored his PC for a while and know he's not talking to anyone, he's invited me to monitor his phone etc. He has nothing to hide.

He may WANT to, but he's not going to do it till he moves out.