Here's another little thing for you to chew on and think about:

If you are always honest, you never "have to" remember.


Think about it.

Danny,

Here's the deal.

Your lying is going to catch up with you, and when it does you better duck from the next bucket of chicken.

You are emotionally abusing your future wife by manipulating her into thinking you are someone you are NOT. When someone lies to us, it makes us hurt and angry and sometimes we don't know what to do with that anger. In your future wife's case, she threw a bucket of chicken at you. In time, this might escalate.

For one, your fiance needs to set some boundaries with you, like not accepting lying from you. If you cross her boundary, she needs to have consequences in place for that that are healthy for both of you. For instance, if she catches you in a lie, she should leave you, or not trust you, instead of throwing the bucket of chicken. Because when she throws the bucket out of deserved anger, she'll be considered abusive, when you abused her first. Then she'll start to believe everyone that she is abusive and she'll internalize that and it'll make her sick.

When she was angry at you for forgetting to get milk, she had every right to be angry because you said you would do something and then you didn't. You inconvenieced her. Now granted, she needs to not let the small stuff make her so angry. But my guess is that she was not just angry over the milk. You have probably done this kind of stuff before and it just errupted in her that time.

If you really love her, please tell her the truth. She is going to be angry that you manipulated her the way you did, and she has every right to be angry. Show her that you love her by reading about boundaries so you can both benefit from it.

Neither one of you should take this kind of abuse from each other, where one is lying and the other lets there anger out in innapropriate ways. If she does throw a bucket of chicken at you, it's because she knows no other way right now. She needs to learn to not let anyone step on her boundaries, and she needs pre-planned consequences in place so that she doesn't react in a way that will be thrown back in her face later for being "abusive", like you were to her.

You both need to seriously learn what your boundaries in marriage are, ie lying, flirting, etc and tell each other what the consequences will be for those things, to PROTECT your love for each other and your sanity.

Also, go out and buy the book "His Needs, Her Needs" and give it to her as a wedding gift. It'll be the best gift you could ever give her. You can read about some of that here in the articles on this website. Also get the book about "Lovebusters" which you can learn about here in the articles as well.

You may not think this is a big deal, but it is. It is HUGE.

Start your marriage out the right and let her know exactly who she is marrying so that she can make her decisions based on truth and fact.

Good luck, I wish you well.

Danny,

Do you plan on having children with your fiancee? Picture when they're 2,3, or 4 years old and forget to clean their room or eat their meals...how is your (future) wife going to deal with that...is she going to throw something at them or hit them?

Danny, you REALLY need to be honest about this.

And, your fiancee needs some anger management counseling.

Please remember, it is far easier to be embarassed and to cancel the wedding at the last moment than it is to end a marriage 2 weeks or 2 years later.

If your fiancee is willing to marry you after you break the bad news that you have been lying all this time, great. If you are willing to marry her after her physical displays of anger, that's not so great.

Either way, both of you need to change your ways. You can't go on with these behaviors if you want to have a successful marriage.

Now, why, WHY would you ever have thought it was ok to lie? And, WHY would she ever have thought it was ok to throw food at you? Do you not see a whole lot of sickness going on in this relationship? Is this the way you want to start a marriage? Is this the sort of life you want for yourself? For this woman you say you love? For any children you might have in the future?

OK guys, I've read both the threads started by this clown. We are being played, I would bet the farm on it. Someone is having just a little too much fun at the expense of MarriageBuilders.

OK - something really isn't adding up to this being normal:

From Danny's post on Emotional Needs: