I've been overdoing it making sure he knows every single thing I do, I never walk away when I'm talking on the phone, my email and everything is public information. If I leave work, I make sure I tell him. I don't know what else I can do for him trust me. Maybe once trust is broken, I can't get it back..?
This isn't overdoing. This is called transparency...and you do it to rebuild his trust and to rebuild trust in yourself.
Are you saying you've given him passwords to your email and voicemail? Access to check the cell bill and cell phone?
He's been very cruel to me about this several times, calling me names and making me feel worthless. I just took it because I probably deserve it.
Have you learned about healthy boundaries, how to enforce them? What you did by not being honest with your H was a huge Love Buster (LB). Read all the articles on this website and learn about them...then eliminate them. When you understand these in yourself, and hold yourself to not doing them, then you will enforce your boundary when he does them.
Would you consider he cannot make you feel worthless? That you hiding, withholding this information from him did that, day by day, knowing you weren't acting from honesty and love...until you did tell him? That's the day you began to act from love...keep at it.
Sit down and think of all the ways your lies of ommission hurt the marriage...without all full knowledge, your H adopted your son...he may not have chosen to do that so soon in the marriage if he'd known...can't know. Didn't happen.
Why not call the Harley's for advice and counseling? The info for sessions are at the top of the screen under "Coaching Center".
It's a pretty tough bite to swallow to find out the one person you love more than anything in the world doesn't love you back anymore.
This falls into the LB area again under DJs...why are you choosing to believe he doesn't love you back? He's been manipulated by you for three years because of your lie. That's a lot to deal with in a short period of time.
First, you choose your goal...do you want to recover in your marriage? If you do, then stand for it. You don't leave, you change. You've already put into place transparency...how about a retro transparency? There's a Personal History questionnaire here on this website...want to fill it out?
I caution you to examine your own belief about deserving love and punishment...if you believe you can deserve disrespect or abuse, then you will also disrespect others and abuse them.
Humans do and not do. That's really it. Focus on what you do--and your belief that acting transparent to your partner is overdoing it instead of living up to your half of the marriage is important.
You are half of your marriage...that's your limit and the whole of your responsibility. When you find yourself wrestling something you do not want to do (i.e., honesty) for your partner, see if you will do it for The Marriage. I learned I can honor the marriage even when I don't feel like honoring my DH.
You can do this. You are not broken...sure can feel as if you are.