I'd long suspected and we've had this issue before, but my boyfriend of 3 years (on and off) has been texting numerous women all hours of the day or night.

I noticed it the other day while reviewing the cell bill. I confronted him and he accused me of being "dramatic" and creating the issue. Like I said, this has happened before.

Since then, no contact from him (that was Friday). This morning I looked again and there are PAGES of texts over the last 2 days to many, many women (I know some of the numbers). So, I called one.

It was a women he was texting a lot a couple of years ago, someone I know. I totally confronted her and she denied anything physical going on just a lot of texts. She told me my BF had a crush on her at one time. She also said she had no idea we were back together (it's been months). She also said he's been texting her friend Stacy and gave me Stacy's number, which I saw on the cell bill from 3AM TODAY!

I text my now XBF and told him what I knew and broke it off and told him never to contact me again. I also exposed to his parents and his cousin.

With all that, why do I feel so horrible? I'm hurt, I'm so sad and I feel like a complete idiot because I took him back after knowing he did this before. HIs parents told me they loved me and to stay in touch, which made me cry like a baby.

I'm 45, he's 43. We're not kids. But he's acting like a "swinging single" (quoting the person I confronted this morning). How do I recover?

You're likely hurint because you feel humiliated for trusting, along with rejected and abandoned. The best therapy is to put a lot of miles (figuratively) and time (literally) between you and him. You should continually remind yourself that this is all him and due to his poor character. You didn't do anything wrong, but only showed him trust, which what any person in love would do. You are a good and lovable person, and will come out better and stronger on the other side.

Very normal feelings, just be glad that you confronted the issue now and got out before you married him and it turned into a PA.

Those are HUGE RED flags and you acted accordingly!

Great job!

Thanks for your thoughts. It's a rough road because I did/do love him and those feelings just don't go away. I'm glad we didn't marry if this was going to be a continuing problem.

I still find it hard to fathom how someone could justify the excessive texting as no big deal "talking to a friend" and turn the blame around so then YOU feel guilty. After reading through this site, I can see that this is a familiar story and all the waywards act the same. How much I've seen my own life/situation in these posts!

I'm glad I found this place. I feel as if I'm not all alone in this.

You're NOT alone in this. My fwh was having an EA through texts too. The OW even sent him a naked pic of herself. Fortunately I caught them before it could turn to a PA - that and the fact that she lives several states away delayed it going to that too.

At first I kind of felt a little odd for being as upset as I was, since it was "just" and EA, but what I figured out is it's still a betrayal. And an emotional betrayal, for a woman, is HUGE.

The feelings for him won't just go away, like you said. I can understand why you still love him. But trust me when I say you've definitely done the right thing by ending things with him now, before they get more complicated with marriage. If he's willing to minimize the impact an EA has, he certainly wouldn't have any problem progressing it to a PA.

Remember that you are dealing with an addict. If it was drugs, you wouldn't be surprised that your WBF was telling you that it was "no big deal". They will do anything to get their fix. It's a serious issue and I think you are better off not dealing with it as a wife and mother. Ask yourself if you would marry a drug addict, knowing that he was addicted and not willing to get help before you married him. Probably not.

Hang in there! Now you see the signs of what you are not willing to put up with. Make yourself 3 lists. The ideal list - this is the knight in shining armor, what you wish you would find. The preferred list - what you want if you can't have all that you wish for (e.g. 6'5 may be ideal, but 6'2 would be preferred) and the ..... (the name of the 3rd list is escaping me right now), but it's the list that you will not budge on - no exception, no compromise. For example, faithful man would be on that list.

Then when you are dating again, if the BF cannot make it past the "no compromise" list, move on quickly. We cannot change people. I learned that the hard way.