I can see you posted to me in the private forum - I cannot post there - want to ask me here?

Unless there is another Pepperband I don't know about

's see if this works..........

pepper,, please forgive me as i don't mean to step on any toes. your advice is always so sound and follows the MB principles but here is my question.

in your original reply to shocked1 in the preg/child forum. now i agree with your advice completely but have to ask if stashing away money from her H falls under total honesty.

and please remember that i agree with it in her circumstances. just curious how mb applies to that..................





well what da ya know. i did smething right.........

This advice is based on my personal understanding and interpretation of Plan A:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Carrot and the Stick of Plan A


The carrot of Plan A

Meeting your wandering spouse's emotional needs.

Making "home" a warm and inviting place to be.

Placing emphasis on what has worked in the marriage.

Showing consistent self improvement in areas where previously lacking.

Stop lovebusting behaviors.

Communicating with a calm reassuring voice and relaxed body language, even in the center of a verbal storm created by the infidel.

Becoming the person any reasonable spouse would want to come home to.

Remaining open to the possibility of recovery.

Offering forgiveness and understanding.


The stick of Plan A

Exposing adultery where it matters most. Exposure that takes the form of a swift and sudden unexpected tsunami of truth.

Not apologizing for exposure or speaking the truth in a kind yet direct way.

Directly communicating the hurt and devastation that the affair has caused.

Not accepting blame for the infidel's choice to become adulterous.

Let the consequences of adultery and infidelity fall freely upon the heads of the adulterous.

Establishing boundaries that disallow the affair to effect children of the marriage, financal security of the marriage, and otherwise ruin innocent bystanders.

Standing up to infidelity as a beast that must be slayed for the good of the family.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My opinion is --- that woman's husband is currently active in his adultery.

Radical honesty is part of POJA -- I am not one who advocates a BS attempt to POJA with a known liar who is likely to squander family money on OW.

For me, this falls under the same self-protective activities that I described when I wrote the "stick" activities of plan A.

that's all

Thanks for asking

Pep

thanks for your expalnation. and when placed in with the fact that a bs would be squandering money away on op it makes perfect sense to stash the money to provide for the family

So often we read that a married woman with small children who has no paying job or a minimum wage job, cannot afford legal assistance when she really needs it because the WH has been spending family $$$ on OW (and OC if there is one).

I try and pre-warn the new BW's (especially ones with an OC) that their WH has no intention of looking out for the best interests of the family, including the COM, until the A is over and the fog has lifted.

It adds to the tragedy of marriage vow betrayal to be poor (because of funds spent on OW) and financially betrayed as well! All too common.

May I jump in with a quick question ?

I don't remember reading anywhere, but do you have an OC in your life, Pepperband?

Blessings,

Eibrab

No OC.