I appreciate everyone's honesty as it helps me to understand OW's H's desire for revenge. It also scares me quite honestly. I'm not sure quite who I'm dealing with.

It appears that the desire for sexual revenge is more manifest in the male psyche than in the female. It is an idea that is difficult for me to fathom.

Wow did this thread ever take a turn since I logged off yesterday afternoon. Come on, lighten up people! Do any of you actually think Pariah's plotting to do the OM's daughter? I thought it was pretty obvious that it was stated in a manner that this would be the one thing that hurts OM the most.

If you can honestly say you never once had horrible, vengefull thoughts as a BS - regardless of whether you are a BW or BH - then you are either a liar or you are so cold and heartless you aren't even hurt by the adultery. And considering you are here looking for help, I doubt you are the latter.

I can confess to many vengeful thoughts along the way. I still have new ones from time to time but not quite as frequent. Some of my "ideas" were far worse than revenge SF with the OWH (which I never entertained anyway). In addition to extreme measures (running her over with my car), I once considered telling WstbxH I was pregnant on the day after he signed off on the house (timing would have been believable). I once considered paying some kids to destroy OW's car. I once considered calling their house over and over leaving messages like "stop calling me, leave me alone" (to make her think he was still pursuing me) and/or convincing others to call the house to make him think she was cheating on him. I once considered creating profiles for them on plentyoffish saying they are looking for intimate encounters. This is just an example. Many of these would be very easy to do - and easy to not get caught at even though I'd be the first suspect.

Sometimes I even feel like I'm a coward because I didn't act on any of these impulses. But most of the time I feel that the revenge will be more rewarding when they bring it on themselves, which they will. And the best part of that is my life will have moved on and forward and I'll be a long way out of the fall out range.

Come on people, lets just get along and realize that most of what is said here is a reflection of the pain it takes to live each day as a BS.

pariah, yours is the most severe story i have heard by far and i understand your complete hatred of those who have inflicked this on you.

but dude i have to agree with medc that you must not let them steal your soul. your ex will only win (she hasn't won yet) if you cannot find a way to not let this consume you for the rest of yuor life.

i can only imagine the bitterness and anger you would cause all those who have wronged you in these atroscous (sp) ways by rebuilding YOUR life and by YOU finding happiness and success without them.

I agree with pops, that BS's can't let the feelings of revenge control your life. I do however think that pariah (as well as most of us) will one day look back at these feelings we had/have and think "man, was that ever some messed up [censored]"...when we are far removed from either the resentment and/or marriage...whichever way things pan out.

I don't think you guys understand.

From reading Pariah's posts, he has already done all of this ... he has rebuilt his life, is happy and successful, and on top of that, I believe I remember him saying that his WW has effectively crashed and burned under the weight of her own life choices.

However, that is a COMPLETELY different issue than what is being discussed on this thread. We're discussing the SEPERATE topic of "true" REVENGE ... not just the pollyannic version of revenge of simply "living well", but the actual appropriately cold, viseral response to someone who has truly and intentionally WRONGED you.

TWO completely seperate issues ... one is all about personal recovery ... and the other is about our own BH form of "just compensation".

as we all move in in whichever direction life takes us we do look back with starnge hindsight.

for me it would please me to no end for om to be dropped off for a swim at australia's great barrier reef.

does that thought consume me? NO. do i hate om? NO. do i wish the A never happened? YES. can i imagine life without oc in it? NO.

we all must live with the cards God deals us and the choices we make in life. and we must continually move forward.

ok enough of my philosophical (sp) ramblings.

tabby1 hit the nail on the head

Wow, did she mess with the wrong person! I agree, lighten up people. These thoughts are normal. Not acting on them is to our credit as BS's.

That's not the way I read his last few posts. In particular the one MEDC responded to. I really thought he was letting it consume his life. The comment about 'following a moral compass' and 'left everything behind you burn' seemed to be ones of quitting.

I hope I was wrong.

Frankly, as long as they are just 'thoughts of revenge' I see no issue. We all have those thoughts. We just have to be careful we don't let them define us.

please excuse me for not knowing the inticacies of what to me are many newbies. i have been away from the site for a while and am not current with all the history of each individual.

although my comment was directed to pariah it was also intended for everyone.

hey i know the revenge and want to make an om pay for his crimes mindset.

i was just pointing out that there are more then one way to skin that cat. not all ways of revenge involve violent or intentionally hurtful acts.

some can be done through positive ways like you said pariah has done. the fact that his ex has crashed and burned should make him extactic.

bobby bowden once said " be kind to those who hurt you. it'll kill them".

I can see that my message is not being received as intended ... not really surprising given the overall "tone" of this thread.

MyRev, you are so right.

I did move on with my life, and I was trying to serve as a warning to others of what can possibly happen.

My actual vendetta involved sending a high velocity piece of copper through his skull at 400 yards from my back yard when I recovered enough to drag myself out there.

I STRIVED to recover. When she was away at work, I didn't take my pain medication and endured untinkable pain to teach myself to walk, with only one goal in mind. To end his ability to ruin someone else's family. I had the recording of her trying to get him to kill me to motivate me.

I had his head dead center of the recticle and CHOSE not to do it. I wasn't going to let myself sink to something truly despicable. I wasn't going to allow that POS have me take my own freedom from me. I can and will wait. He has a bum ticker and it will eventually fail. He will unrepentantly meet his maker and receive his reward.


I have been open and as according to the principles here RADICALLY HONEST unlike the primadonnas who have so vilely stood and accused me.

Men, if you claim you didn't harbor thoughts about killing the OM, then I stand and call you a liar.

Now THAT is a feeling I can latch on to. It involves the person that actually hurt you and not an innocent.

Pariah, I just want to see you find the ability to move on. If you have...great. If not...anger and bitterness have a way of consuming people.

If you have truly moved on as you say here...she did not win.

and BTW, radical honesty is for a H&W.

Moving on and having a wonderful THRIVING life after an A is the BEST REVENGE OF ALL........


I see Pariah's comments no different than Krazy's when he posted on Sexual Issue's after the affair. It was hard to read, I acually felt sorry for his FWW. But later realized this was a man putting to pen his pain. That is what Pariah is doing here. It may not be pretty to read, it may not be easy to imagine, but then aren't any thoughts of revenge perverse?? But they are normal.....and even healthy. You get your revenge in you mind.....what defines you as a person is your actions and as long as Pariah isn't acting out his revenge, then I say he is no better or worse than the next BS....

not2fun

Now why would having a good videotaped romp in the hay with a stripper hot 24yo be so bad?

If she is consenting and all for it, then where is the problem with showing daddy what he taught daddy's little girl to do?

If she is consenting, then how is it hurting an innocent?

I had hired her when we went on vacation to bird-sit Roxy. Roxy liked her and would be good for her and she would play with Roxy and give her attention.

However I kinda knew something was up when OM came with her once and Roxy took a chunk out of him with her huge beak.

All right, this is plain too juicy to ignore. I never really harbored a desire to kill the OM but did harbor the desire to kill the XW. I think that having such thoughts at some stage is not unusual.

Pariah,

I have never gotten your full story and am unclear as to how you were shot and what the circumstances were surrounding it. If it's not insensitive of me to ask, what did happen when you were shot? How did you get back to civilization after being dropped off on the side of the road? Maybe a general narrative would be in order. If you don't want to post it here, you could optionally email me.

Introvert,

We may view this differently, but I believe firmly in the old parable:

"Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate"!!!

You see, I have MANY people in my life that have "wronged" me intentionally ... most were in business/employment situations, but some have been much more PERSONAL. While that hatred I once felt for them may no longer burn "white hot", it is still there smoldering, and should the opportunity ever present itself ... I will gladly seize the opportunity to exact my own vengenance in the appropriate amount based on the offense.

NONE of this effects my day to day life, but it is also never completely forgotten ... I am fully capable of holding a long-term grudge that can remain dormant for YEARS.

Others, apparently find this to be a serious character flaw, but their opinion of me has absolutely no bearing on the reflection I see in the mirror when evaluating my own self-worth.

Oh, so she would CONSENT to having the sex taped...and then having a copy sent to her father???

Well, if she agrees, and you have zero problem with using another human being for your revenge...knock yourself out.

So, what makes you think this hot 24 year old would want to lay down with a guy that is only using her for exacting revenge? Do you think she doesn't have better offers?

I agree myrevelation. I too harbor resentment and angry feelings towrad people who have wronged me throughout my life. And, it's pretty safe to say, that if these people ever were to enter my world again, that I'd get the revenge feelings back for them. Will I act on it?...not sure, time will tell. But, as you say, I do not think about any of them on a day to day basis, which leads me to believe that the feelings of revenge for them have moved on (or, like you say...are dormant)...and will only rear their ugly head again given the right circumstances.

I got shot in a hunting accident with a .45LC caliber pistol point blank. The bullet entered behind my knee trsveled down through my leg and exited when it slammed through my ankle.


I got back into civilization when my brother of all people had gone to get hay that morning and was just so happened to be going back home and saw me on the side of the road.

You think I was angry? He is STILL angry and her name is not to be spoken in his house. It was around 20degrees F and all I had on was a t-shirt, sweat pants and a flight jacket.

Hey it's my fantasy revenge scenario, let me enjoy it!

I know it could never happen, but it was the answer to the OP's question.